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Guess Iâm back wheuu Thought it would be nice to just word vomit all the thoughts in my head so maybe my head will clear up more Idk 1. This girls night was fun but I just feel like it wasnât as genuine as it could have been? Idk if that makes any sense but maybe I just had too much expectations on how this night was going to be. Maybe it was cause l was sick and w doesnât really talk too much but it just felt like they didnât want to be there? Probably just me being paranoid and overthinking but it the feeling that Iâm no longer as close with l, h, maybe because they seem closer to j and I is just getting stronger and stronger. Iâm not even sure if my thoughts are valid and p has tried to tell me so many times that Iâm just being silly but it just feels like l doesnât need me any more in their life, they seem so much happier and closer with k that our friendship seems like itâs ending. Iâm so happy that l found someone that is similar to them and feels so comfortable around them but Iâd be lying if I said that the Level of k and lâs friendship didnât affect me. L doesnât really tell me about things but in their life as much and as much as I want to think we havenât drifted i feel like itâs naive of me to think that L still considers me their best friend 2. Omfg I rly have to figure out the sb thing ASAP I gotta stop delaying it wtf Iâve delayed it so much i need to sit and think if thereâs specifically a reason for me delaying it or if Iâm just procrastinating like I do for everything else 3. Also need to start volunteering or get a job ASAP because working out even for 2h a day, is not cutting it. My thoughts keep spiraling and if I donât keep myself busy I feel like Iâll go crazy and isolate myself from everyone. But tbh isolating myself doesnât sound like a bad idea because the urge has been getting stronger and stronger, I know itâs bad but man Iâm exhausted 4. Maybe I can start up art again or play guitar or read, i def feel like I need another outlet thatâs not the gym for all this emotional frustration, I keep avoiding it and ignoring thinking about it but I feel like Iâll blow up if I donât deal with the issues 5. I thought SAD was most of the reason for how I was feeling and honestly Iâm so fukn shook that I still feel everything I did before but now I can just wear warmer clothes. Winter wasnât the root of my issues, go figure đđ¤Śââď¸ 6. Fuck idk how edc will play out because on one hand I donât want to ditch l, h and k but on the other if Iâm going on a trip with c and their friends after I need to be on good terms with them and also if c if the connect for edc. C also likes the music more and would be more fun to party with tbh since Iâd be less worried if they were enjoying the music but I feel like if I hang out with c and we are separated from l h and k, theyâre going to think I like c more or somethig and I donât want to be the reason l is upset because i want them to not be stressed but also because I feel like itâs because of me they got convinced to come to edc when they donât even like edm. Also I have no idea what to do about the connect cause c said they would cut me off if I chose to use their connect to get l or k anything but l thinks c is getting them too so they will be hurt if I say now thatâs jot the case. I donât want to lie to friends but I also think itâs irresponsible for c to not want to also help out l and k especially if cs connect would be safer. I mean for things like this, even if theyâre not your friends anymore, if it means their life is safer because of you helping them out then why wouldnât you?? This situation is so fucked and I feel like c is making a much bigger deal and milking the situation more than they need to. I just want all my friends to be friends :( or atleast be civil if youâre going traveling with them??? Forget edc, Iâm even worried about fucking vicetone cause c and their group will be there but I invited l and they want to go so now I have no idea how things will play out. I donât mind going back and forth between the groups but I donât want c and their group to think I only liked to hang with them because L and my other group isnât there at the shows and I donât want L and the group to think Iâm being a two faced snake just cause Iâm still on ok terms with c and going to câs group half the time. Idk I have such a bad feeling about this entire thing and I can feel it that Iâll be judged by both groups for trying to be nice to both but I donât like choosing sides when there isnât a need for it. Being judged by L and the group I used to hang out with so much and still do def hurts but Iâd be stupid to believe that they arenât watching my actions and talking about them in all the hangouts they stopped inviting me to
