i dont feel right. everything about me seems wrong.
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@apieceofshitttttt
i dont feel right. everything about me seems wrong.

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I’m jealous of those who can function like a normal human being. They don’t have anxiety holding them back from everything, they don’t struggle to get out of bed or have to put on an act that everything is fine when its not. They don’t struggle to hold friendships and relationships… they don’t feel sad for no fucking reason everyday. Those that can hold jobs and work towards their dreams, the ones who have self esteem and see the beauty in themselves. Those that know what its like to feel safe and secure, not insecure and fearful of it all.
to lovely humans who were excluded from invitations, left behind when they tied their shoes, forced to walk in the grass when the sidewalk was full, spoken over when you tried to contribute, whispered about or laughed at, given the side eye when you tried to fit in... you are so worthy of love and I’m sorry people have convinced you otherwise. I promise that your people are out there - people who will see the side of you others ignore, people who share weird inside jokes with you, give you affectionate nicknames and go to museums or roadtrips with you and fulfil whatever idea of friendship you’ve always fantasized about. even if you feel like an empty shell of your former self because you’ve hidden yourself away due to shame, this exterior will melt when you accept yourself or let people in and you’ll realize there was nothing wrong with you all along. you have interesting things to say, you deserve new chances and beginnings, your heart is probably made of gold because you know what it’s like to be left out in the cold, and you have so much to give. you are so worthy and someone’s idea of a friend too, and I hope you receive lots of hugs in the future from yourself and others because you’re so lovable.
wow this cannot be good for me *keeps doing it*

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𝘙𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘰𝘱𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘧𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘭𝘶𝘭𝘭𝘢𝘣𝘺
You can’t deserve a person’s love. You’ll drive yourself crazy thinking like that. They either love you, or they don’t. That doesn’t mean you weren’t good enough for them to love you, because love isn’t something you earn by being good enough. It isn’t something that can be quantified or doled out. Don’t blame yourself for not being loved how you need to, just teach yourself how to look for love where love lives.
This isn’t just about romantic love, or even skewed towards romantic love, although it does apply there too. One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to accept is that my mother simply wasn’t someone who was capable of loving me, and there is no version of me that I could have ever been that would have earned that love. But with acceptance came healing. I was able to love myself more instead of resenting myself for not being more than any one person could be.
Are you listening? Even love for yourself isn’t earned. It is a kindness you give yourself.
30 Little Things That Make Life Worth Living
A sunset unlike any other. It happened just yesterday. The sun was setting, but it wasn’t shining like usual. It was a perfect yellow-orange ball you could stare at without hurting your eyes in a dark blue-orange sky. But that’s the beauty about sunsets: they’re never the same. Sometimes they’re purple and sometimes they’re pink, but it’s always worth watching.
A good song. Not just any song — something that makes you bop your head a little, but those songs. The ones that make flowers bloom in your chest, songs you involuntarily start dancing to, songs with melodies that make your soul soar, songs that fill every inch of your body with light.
Laughter. The kind of laughter that’s so powerful no noise can possibly come out of you. The kind of laughter that goes on for so long you have to hold up a finger before someone keeps talking so you can catch your breath.
The moon during the day. The sky is light blue, it’s the middle of the afternoon, the sun is shining, but on the other side is the moon, not happy to give way to her partner just yet.
A soft blanket. The ones that make it hard to get out of bed. You’re suddenly a child again, and whether you’re going to read on the couch or take a short nap, you grab that soft blanket, your favorite one, and submit to its warmth.
A long drive with people you love. Blasting old One Direction songs with your university friends. Playing the alphabet game on a road trip with your kids. Pointing out the horses because you know your partner loves them. The road trip is an adventure in and of itself.
Friends you meet online. I live in San Diego, but I’ve found people (read: soulmates) in San Francisco, Paris, Birmingham, Istanbul, and Guwahati. It doesn’t matter that we’re miles away, they mean as much to me as the sisters I share a room with.
Stickers. A little representation of who we are. A chance for us to play like children and decorate our laptops and water bottles and favorite journals. Pride flags. Funny quotes. The faces of the Wynonna Earp cast. Inspirational words that get us through the day.
The perfect fruit. A fresh grape, a crunchy apple, a juicy watermelon, a sweet mango slice, a banana with just the right amount of brown spots to let you know it’s ready.
Bonfires (aka, a chance to play with fire and let out our inner arsonists). It’s a cold night, but not too freezing. You’re by the beach and you can hear the ocean. The fire crackles in front of you and keeps you warm. You pick up a skewer, stick a marshmallow onto it, and warm it up until you can slide it in between two graham crackers and a piece of Hershey’s chocolate.
Keep reading.
There's something really heartbreaking about looking at old pictures and seeing the slow progression of losing yourself. Watching the light fade from your eyes, and realizing you've fuckn lost yourself and you have no clue who you are right this moment. And you're only losing yourself more with every passing day.
I think I’m getting better and then everything gets bad again.

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“I was 12 thinking about killing myself. I am 21, still thinking about killing myself.”
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Ever been so sad and broken that you can’t move. So you just sit there, frozen, paralyzed by your pain and suffer. Because that’s all you can do.
Do You have any suggestoins to move on from a mistake and how to lrean it doesnt define us?
remind yourself that- EVERYBODY makes mistakes. you can't avoid them, and you can't stop them - because no body is perfect. I guarantee if you asked 1000 people "have you ever made a mistake" they ALL would say yes. and in fact they'd probably say they've made multiple mistakes.
mistakes are how we learn and how we grow in a world that is constantly changing. you can't get it right all the time, but you CAN learn for your mistakes and use them to make you a better person. I know people are scared of failing and not being good enough, but these mistakes are what MAKE you good enough. they make you understand the world, and yourself a little bit better. mistakes are a part of life and everyone will go through them at some point.
if you let every single mistake define you, you will never be happy. you have to understand that making mistakes is okay. this isnt the first mistake you've made and it certainly won't be the last. use the lesson to help yourself grow and adapt. that's how you keep mistakes from defining you.
"I'm not lazy, I'm just tired. and I don't mean because I've been working hard. Not at all. I'm tired from forcing myself to get out of bed everyday. I'm tired of distracting myself from the thoughts in my brain. I'm tired because all my energy is put to surviving and people don't understand that because all they see is how unproductive you are."
— depression is a disease and it's tiring
Romanticizing your own loneliness and turning it into a cool girl thing only works for like a few months and then it just becomes a throbbing black hole i think. Not that ive ever experienced anything like that

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the way idgaf anymore is so amazing
forgive yourself for those decisions you made. spending too much time on the past can mean you miss the opportunity that’s just up ahead