steel teeth

recipe for disaster // k.h

I want to eat the ambrosia from your fingertips. I want to lick the wine from your lips. I want to suck the nectar from your veins.

you’re standing in front of the mirror that’s still foggy from the steam from the shower that’s been running for almost 48 minutes and you can’t seem to pull away your hair’s unwashed and your skin is sickly and pale you can’t even look yourself in the eye you run your hands down your face feeling the bruising around your eyes you run your hands down your throat feeling the burns the rope left behind you run your hands down your chest feeling the skin that will never look the same as before you run your hands down your legs feeling the ghosts of hands clawing at you when you look back into the mirror you don’t recognise the woman staring back you’re the empty shell of a woman who lost the war

Imagine, if you will, a boy. A boy with dark hair and soft, pretty eyes framed by long lashes. And you want this boy. You want to reach inside him, pull out his still-beating heart, and swallow it whole. You want to peel off his skin, inch by inch, crawl inside of it, and never let go. You want to pull him apart, limb by limb, until you've studied every inch of him. You want him to put his hands inside you. Deep down into parts of yourself you forgot existed. You want him to soothe the ache he left in your chest.

Do you remember the girl with the electric touch? As she placed her hand on the back of your neck, she breathed undiscovered galaxies into your lungs. Do you remember when she traced constellations across your back, and named each one for you. Do you remember when she reached inside of you and plucked the flowers that sprouted from the stardust she left behind, and weaved them into your hair.

I do not worship your human gods. Do not presume to know me. My gods are my own. I do not care for your burning woman. ‘Great Prophet’ ‘Lady Redeemer’ ‘Bride of the Maker’ She is nothing to me. The Circles stripped us of our beliefs. Unfamiliar names on our tongues, Like poison forced down our throat. You expect us to bow so easily? You are arrogant in thinking you were the first. We have bled for our land for centuries. Our cities were burnt to the ground. And you built upon the ash, Without a second thought. And you wonder why we rebelled? Do not make the same mistake again. We are not forgiving.

the mortals have found a new god. our strength is wavering, flickering, soon to be extinguished. like a forgotten match, left to burn. our souls ignite into an uncontrollable fire. ruined temples and desecrated graves. destruction follows them,  like flames licking at the remnants of an old age as the ash settles around us. burn them all.

It ends with a scream. A scream that echoes across the entire city. She doesn't sink to her knees. She collapses. It's not beautiful. It's heartbreaking and raw.

your lips are stained red with his blood. you wake in the night, crying out his name. not from pleasure, from grief. who would have thought you could ever love someone that much? oh brother, you broke your promise. do you remember? when we were seven, and you said that would you never leave me? and where are you now brother? gone. forever. i didn't see that coming brother.

the first time i kissed you, you tasted of salt and winter. cold, and familiar.  and gone by the time i opened my eyes. the last time i kissed you, you tasted of smoke and summer. burnt, and aching. we should have listened when they said nothing lasts forever.

1. you are not your mother.          you are nothing like her.                   you know this, you know this, you know this. 2. you are not the problem.         you are the solution.                   you know this, you know this, you know this. 3. you are not weak for hurting.         you are stronger for it.                   you know this, you know this, you know this. 4. you are not a mistake.         you are the miracle.                   you know this, you know this, you know this. 5. you are not nothing.         you are everything.                   you know this, you know this, you know this.