I live in a permanent state of having a situation.

something about Toy Story toys is so strange to me. versions of animated characters based on real world toys, turned back into toys that are slightly different than the actual toys. slinky dog with a rubber spiral instead of a classic metal slinky. the porcelain bo peep and cloth woody turned into jointed plastic action figures. when toy story 4 came out and i saw a $30 talking action figure of forky, a character made out of a spork and a pipe cleaner, i stood in the walmart toy aisle staring at it like cameron from ferris bueller's day off staring at that painting in the art museum

"it would be so good if it was good" will haunt you but "it's extremely good, except for the one or two parts which are so bad it's genuinely kind of insulting" will straight up drive you insane

when another man asks you on a date and you’re a supposedly straight man would you say “sorry man i’m straight” or would you say “ITS A AA FEDeral inVESTIGATION” and then trip over a table

my daughter was my sister was my throw pillow was my waitress

ohh i'm daniel molloy. i sold millions of copies of my best-selling novel. i'm a beast at bowling. i've got the french bengali smokeshow pinned against the wall. man fuck you