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in the middle of a sleepless night,

I stumble across suicidal thoughts,

only to test my tendencies,

realising how i am too weak,

for both; living and dying,

but thats not what suicide is for me,

maybe i just don’t want to die,

maybe the only reason i think,

i should die is because of you,

maybe i want you to notice me,

for this one last time,

to see how you left me to rot,

to let an unknown cancerous awe take over,

but now i have dropped the idea,

of suicide or death,

or maybe embraced it,

even more firmly than before,

I’ll suicide; today. everyday,

but not the way you thought i would,

because that way I might fail,

No. I’ll suicide by living,

Yes, I’ll live, and it's the slowest,

and most effective tactic,

for what you term suicide,

No one gets out alive anyway.

My life left me