I always hear about how cerebral palsy doesn't worsen with age, but no one ever says your body doesn't start to struggle more because of it.
I was diagnosed at two with mild spastic cerebral palsy. At age four I had surgery to lengthen my calf muscles in my right leg, and I did physical therapy till I started the sixth grade, at which time I was told I was strong enough that I no longer needed it. I was proud of myself and considered myself lucky.
I didn't need any assistive devices, I could do everything on my own, including driving as long as I used both feet. I tore the muscles in both my legs more than once and while they weren't 100% sure, the doctors I saw think it was due to my muscles becoming too tight over the last few years. I had to use crutches for weeks, but still was able to go back to what was considered normal for me. Walking unassisted.
This past year has been challenging for everyone, and I know there are plenty of people worse off than me, however the struggles I've faced this year alone is overwhelming.
One of which is I've slowly started losing my ability to walk. My calf muscles will tighten so much that I can't move my legs and can barely manage to sit down. I am often relying on my roommates to help me sit down in my walker so that I can be pushed until my legs loosen up. The pain is extremely unbearable, it not only affects me physically but mentally too. I go to physical therapy one to three times a week, I stretch at home, I try to keep moving, and yet it continues to worsen.
So while cerebral palsy may not worsen as you age, your body does and the struggles get harder, leaving feelings of anger and frustration; wondering why? Why you? Why now? A lot of questions often don't have an answer and leaves your head spinning with more questions.
This is something I feel needs to be talked about. Not just that cerebral palsy doesn't worsen as you get older, but the challenges ahead that you may have to face; and for the record I'm only thirty-three. I want to be here for others growing up like me, I want them to understand the truth and help them figure out a life that they can enjoy with as little to no pain if possible. I wish there was someone like that for me, but I can at least be that person for someone else.
It takes strength to push through the struggles, get over the hurdles for anyone; but those of us that have disabilities our obstacles are bigger and harder. Never forget we can succeed, we can be happy, we can live the life we want. We just have to never stop trying.
I have cerebral palsy, but I won't let it define me. My story is not done, and I will be the one to write my own ending.
