AnxietyWithin

How does it feel to be a person with mental disorder? I will explain.

You wake up in the morning and wish you don’t, because all you want is just a way out from this nightmare you called life. You prepare yourself with a fake smile in your face, then laughing with your peers in class. You talk a lot so they don’t know the truth about you. You make jokes so people see you’re happy. You listen to their stories and give advice as you can solve all your own problems in life. You play with them cheerfully. Inside, you still feel alone in the crowd. You have lot of friends, but you feel like no one’s there for you. You’re chatting with them, but no one you can trust. It becomes scary to be in crowd, but you have to. You’re alone. You will always be alone. Some of them say they care, but in fact they don’t.  They just want to know. Or they just pretend like they care.

But then when you’re on your own, you’re breaking. You hate your face a lot because you can’t handle the ugly girl you see in the mirror. You hate your body a lot that after you eat you always feel guilty all the time. You feel envy with all people and all the things they have. You go into a home that doesn’t feel like home. You hate your mom, your dad, your brother and sister. You blame God for everything that happened to you. You hate yourself. You hate your life.