— fragmentation .

HER FACE SPLIT WITH                  a wicked grin,   her teeth were   sharpened and shined   with hunger.       “   o - ooh,   ”       she sighed,   cheeks flushing with the prospect of   impending chaos  ;     her ears perked and charlotte swore she could the   screaming and wailing   of a storm of entropy on its way.     meanwhile,   his voice might as well been   velvet   to the vessel,   heavy and rich with a sense of   promise  .     “   i like the way you think,   ”     she told him.

YOU WERE STARING UP AT THE CEILING.       your eyes were glassy and i thought of the   corpses   i’ve acquainted and made friends with over the years ;     they had a habit of mindless staring too.     but i could see you breathing and just like the dark,  living thing that used to waver behind my eyes,   i could see thoughts and dreams   sparkling   behind your eyes.     i’m glad that the blue of your eyes remind of the sky instead of the ocean.    otherwise,   i might have to   fear   you,   but i won’t tell you that.        “   i’m not going anywhere,   ”     i said instead.     the first wave of drowsiness had already gone away.     now,   the night seemed still and immortal.     we had turned out the lights,   but i could hear the humming of electricity in the walls and the soft skittering of mozz’s claws over the floors.

THIS WAS OUR DEFAULT.          your head rested on my lap,   your face turned away from the sun.     i’d offer you my pair of shades but you’d said you wanted to feel the warmth,   but the light was too disturbing.     and you were right ;     that day,   the sunlight had been   harsh   and haughty.     rays slanted over the pages of my paperback,   which i held up and open with one hand     -     the other softly pulling at the long locks of your hair by your hairline,   hoping to drag them over your closed eyes.     the pages were yellowed with age,   but the ink became emboldened in the bright light.     i sighed,   lowered the book,   and asked :       “  can you turn the page for me,   please?   ”        and you did.       “   ILL - FATED  AND  MYSTERIOUS  MAN,   ”        i read,   forgetting to lift my voice with the punctuation.       “   bewildered in the brilliancy of thine own imagination…   ”

I WAS A PAWN ONCE MORE.           darkness shrouded and ignorance became the preservative in which my brain was encased.     i reached up and briefly ran a hand through your hair,   my fingers caught in the knots that you’d worked into your hair earlier     -      with your   cyclic thoughts and mad pacing  .     but then you turned away quickly and my hand was left suspended in the air,    made chilly with sudden   absence  .     i could feel an   ache   bloom between my brows ;     hammer and nail against my forehead.       “   talk to me,   tyler.   ”       minds were fascinating things.     but he was more than fascination,    more than curiosity.       “   i want to know what’s wrong.   tyler,  i need to know what’s wrong or else i can’t help you.   ”        this time,   i caught your hand and when you stopped,   reality spun for another moment     -     momentum carrying away until energy snapped back like elastic.       “   talk to me.   ”

“ WELL - PRACTICED INSANITY,   ”          she amended.     a glass of amber whiskey titled to - and - fro in her hand,   held delicately as though the slightest   disturbance   might cause the heavy crystal to fall   through   her fingertips;     glass would shatter and scatter on the marble floors.     and not one of these folks would flinch.     graceful and gracious,   that was the   falsities   that these people lived and breathed.

THE  CLOWN  WAS  SHRIEKING ,     laughing ,   noise  that  bulges  from  a  bloody  rictus .     jeering  and  cruel  while  her  tongue  singes .     the  teacup ,   now  dangling  after  long -  tined  finger ,   shatters  amid  the  clamour .     allows  for  all  too  merciful  respite .     silence .     It  glances  a  mosaic  of  porcelain  pieces ,   slick  still  with  filmy  linings  of  pinkish - red .     unblinking  eyes ,   nearly  loose  as  those  strewn  over  the  table ,   reverse  into  sockets ,   glinting  and  pallid  as  fish  bellies .     It  raises  the  handle ,  hooks  it  ‘tween  teeth ,   sets  jaw  to  gnash  and  grind .     

those  chitinous  hands  retrieve  from  the  clothed  surface ,   glutting  mouth  with  more ,   snapping  now  to  pulverize  porcelain .     (   crunch - crunch - crunch   )     they  populate  Its  gums  and  lips ,   jutting  new  incisors ,   and  from  their  slices  mock  blood  spates  forth .     grunts ,  gnars ,  giggles .     It  aches  not .     rabid  beast  shakes  stringy  mane .     bells  cried  festively  from  it .     lips  close  over  carnage ,   purse ,   then  rear  back  like  circus  curtains  to  reveal  all  remnant  is  swallowed .     all  gone  !

❝   ━━  they  just  p - p - pop  in  your  mouth ,   ❞          lingua ,   dead  and  fissured  as  dry  season ,   laps  at  maimed  chops .     talon  flicks  a  stray  morsel  like  a  marble  ;     across  the  table  it  rolls  wetly ,   and  another ,   all  eyes  on  her .     Its  own ,   void  of  pupil  and  iris ,   gauge  her  too .          ❝   try  it .   you’ll  like  it .   you’ll  love  it .    won’t  be  solly ,  cholly .   ❞

HER TONGUE COULD’VE BLED                   just watching the glass cycle   ‘round  &  ‘round   in its maw.     her throat was accustomed to gravel and   sharp bones  .     but the taste of those were abhorrent ;     if charlotte were to endure the taste of dirt,   blood,   and dead insects     -     she had better be being   buried alive  .     then,   she’d   gladly   eat the earth.     she’d swallow the forest floor whole!     would that make her powerful?     would that make her a worthy beast?     would swallowing glass and chipped porcelain make her any   sharper   as a creature?     one - handedly,   charlotte took the lid off the teapot filled with blood and placed in front of the clown.

then,   charlotte stuck out the tip of her tongue.     the flesh was sensitive to the frigid air,   practically   steaming   with the exposure because it was overly warm and   swollen   like a   balloon  .     timidly,   she pressed the eyeball to tongue’s tip and waited for taste to register ;     but it never did.       “   no point eating for the first time if i can’t even taste it,   ”       she remarked,    almost   disappointed.     she rolled the eyeball between deft fingers,   made it vanish  ,   then reappear suddenly as it sat between her index and middle knuckles.       “   here.   ”       the eyeball was knocked into the air,   caught midway in its upward flight,   and then,   tossed into the clown’s bloody maw.

tonight the mood is char stumbling down a city street shouting take me home country roads at the top of her lungs on a loop. she’s not drunk, she just really loves this song . she’s gonna climb on top of a p.o box and perform

❝      NO.     ❞      blasé  cadence,    the   guttural  thump  of  indifference                 there  is  no   dirty,  cringing  pain  in  him  for  any  loss   .         he  held  onto  the  conversation  like  a  vice:   intonation  thick,    &  ambrosial  like  a  fine  béchamel  sauce,     :    yet this absolute apathy,    LIKE A VOID YOU COULD FALL INTO.            he quickly shifts in this crimson stool,  leaving  her  with  his  blossoming  interest,    &   more  importantly,    facing  her  directly.      ❝     no,                         nothing like that yet.      god willing,    right?     i  don’t  think  i  would  react  properly  if  any  of  my  friends  died  though.           i  don’t  see  the  point,    most  of  the  world   is  just  death  anyways.      ❞                 he       smiles.        something  bone  chilling. 

❝         you                said  something  about               -               mm,    tragedies  happening  to  you,     like exclusively?               are   you   some   trauma   victim,   or   something        ?        ‘s  not  like  you  can’t  tell  me.      i’ve  talked  to  a  war  veteran  once,      it  really  helps.        ❞ 

CONTEMPT WORKED LIKE A BLADE ;               it carved a   meanness   into her features that excised what little   loveliness or friendliness   existed there.     shadows   hollowed her cheeks and sunk her eyes,   her lips seemed to pinch.     but   disappointment   sculpted with softer touches :     leaving her looking   too human   to fear.

a bite of stale,   stringy cantaloupe was stuffed into her cheek,   the juice beading like dew on her lower lip.     her tongue raked across and swiped at those dew - drops as she looked at his smile ;     well,   no     -     that was   absolutely   the proper reaction right there.

              The answer was not COMFORTING, by any means. The petite little monster shivered with laughter and Amelia’s mouth twisted into scowl. Is this who she was to trust to build her ARMY ? She had no ties to her father, she was not loyal to him but she doubted she was loyal to her either. She was wild, a beast             but all beasts could be tamed, could they not ? 

             ❝ Are you gonna turn around and stab me in my back ? ❞

THAT WIDE,   GHOULISH GRIN               was left on her face although the laughter died away,   deforming slightly when the humour left her eyes.     this time,   charlotte had the decency to simply shake her head.     no gang - lord nor mob queen had ever hired her for her   bedside manners  .     but she could try :     offer   horrific sweetness   and the uncomfortable touch of her cold hands.

“   no  ,   ”     she insisted and paused as though she wished to elaborate,   but there wasn’t else to say.       “   i wouldn’t do that.   ”       the implication lurked like a   shadow   in the corner of their eyes :     i wouldn’t   kill   you like   that  .