found a home inside my head.

losing  the  eldest  Mairi  sibling  had  taken  a  toll  on  xaden  most  of  all,  seeing  the  devastation  upon  his  face  had  haunted  garrick  too.  he  felt  like  a  failure.  hadn't  realised  the  trouble  before  it  was  too  late,  had  he  walked  he  could've  possibly  saved  deigh  -  which  would've  saved  the  blonde  too.  he  still  struggles  to  look  sloane  in  the  eyes,  carrying  some  guilt  even  in  fourth  wing's  current  wingleader  had  been  the  one  to  rat  them  out  to  his  father.  the  path  to  redemption  is  long,  children  of  the  marked  blamed  for  their  parents  crimes  -  not  that  garrick  ever  saw  their  rebellion  as  such.  a  snort  escapes  the  lieutenant,       ❝ wonder  child  huh,  ❞        hues  roll,  biting  back  the  'dad  must've  been  proud'  that  lays  heavily  upon  his  tongue.

the  last  twelve  hours  had  rattled  the  graduate  to  his  core,  the  weight  of  the  rebellion  weighs  heavier  than  ever  upon  broad  shoulders.  unsure  who  to  trust,  apart  from  the  pink-haired  rider,  but  imogen’s  grief  was  all  consuming  and  garrick  cannot  add  responsibilities  onto  her  shoulders.  Violet  would  learn  in  due  time,  if  anyone  could  save  them  it  was  the  scribe-minded  rider.  a  snort  escapes  the  second  lieutenant,  an  old  wound  he’d  refused  to  have  mended  –  now  skin  breaks  every  time  he  takes  a  hit  to  his  temple,  worsening  an  already  grim  scar.        ❝  are  you  a  healer  now  aetos?  ❞      bitterness  lingering  in  his  tone,  before  he  exhales.  fingers  threading  through  dark  locks,  caked  in  blood  and  grime  despite  the  plunge  into  the  water.

means  well,  and  deep  down  garrick  knows  so  –  first  years  particularly  wouldn’t  know  of  ward  weaving.  but  with  who  his  father  is,  and  garrick’s  frazzled  mind  it  isn’t  as  comforting  as  dain  may  think.  adding  another  task  to  his  list  of  things  he  needs  to  do  now  that  xaden  is  gone  -  to  check  the  wards  weaved  by  the  wingleader.        ❝  thank  you,  ❞      spoken  through  gritted  teeth.

that had only gotten worse when the tension between them had boiled over in a flurry of messy kisses and clothes strewn across his bedroom floor. this is a one time thing, she'd told him. just to get it out of their systems. and then once had turned into twice had turned into half a dozen times over the last few weeks and sloane remains firm in her stance that every time is the last time — even if she knows better, deep down.

maybe that's why she's so annoyed at dain's outright jealousy. she has been there herself, jealous of the way he softens with violet sorrengail or the way other cadet's eyes linger on his form during battle brief. it's a feeling she has no right to feel because nothing will ever happen between them — so yeah, maybe she is projecting a little as she stomps after him, irritation blazing beneath her palms.

"so you decided to be an asshole?" the words fire back at him quickly, a brow raised in challenge. "since when is that how you operate?" liam had talked about dain in his letters — said he was a stickler for the rules and could have a stick up his ass, but he was a fair leader when it came down to it. "nothing was even happening between us — nothing was going to happen. so why do you care?"

which meant she knew he was jealous, no matter what argument he made. but he wasn’t going to let her have the last word. “i might’ve come on a little strong,” the closest thing to an apology dain would offer crossed his lips as he stepped even closer to sloane, having to tilt his chin down to keep his gaze locked on hers. he refused to look away first. “but does he know that nothing was going to happen?” she was beautiful, he couldn’t blame the cadet for wanting to try, but the dark territorial feeling was overtaking dain the more he thought about him kissing sloane. tangling into sheets with his sloane. 

but was she his? they had never put a label on what they were doing, in fact, sometimes he thought sloane didn’t want to think about what happened behind the warded door of his bedroom outside of those wards. too bad, because she took up every corner of his thoughts since that first kiss. so even if she wasn’t his, dain was hers. and he had been since day one. “why are you so mad if nothing was going to happen, anyways?”

draithus  had  been  the  unwelcome  ending  to  an  era  for  the  second  lieutenant.  shadows  looming  above,  far  grander  than  ever  seen  before,  and  garrick  had  known  in  that  moment  he’d  lost  his  best  friend  –  possibly  forever.  unless  his  brilliant-minded  wife,  the  new  duchess  of  tyrrendor,  could  save  whatever  fragment  of  his  soul  was  left  and  piece  them  together.  the  distance  wielder  felt  utterly  hopeless  for  the  first  time  in  his  life  –  xaden’s  burden  now  resting  heavily  upon  his  broad  shoulders.  responsible  for  each  soul  that  xaden  had  sacrificed  his  for.

had  refused  imogen’s  gift,  wanting  to  remember  every  painful  yet  beautiful  memory  of  xaden  binding  himself  to  violet.  malek  and  loial  the  deities  who  required  a  lifetime  of  dedication,  so  he’d  carry  the  burden  of  knowing  what  had  happened  in  the  last  twelve  hours.  near  burnout  from  the  battle  itself,  the  little  he’d  left  had  been  sacrificed  to  ensure  the  safety  of  violet  and  imogen.  before  he  mindlessly  took  off  to  track  xaden’s  path  of  destruction  –  needing  the  goodbye  he  never  got.

chradh  had  dumped  his  feverish  broad  frame  in  a  pond  before  returning  to  riorson  house,  water  sizzling  around  him  as  he  cooled  down.  heavy  hand  resting  against  the  snout  of  his  brown  scorpiontail  before  he’d  taken  flight,  leaving  garrick  to  crumble  on  his  own.  instead  he  hears  the  grating  voice  of  fourth  wing’s  wingleader,  and  while  the  memory  reader  is  on  a  path  to  redemption,  garrick  had  little  to  no  patience  for  the  catalyst  of  his  best  friend’s  downfall.

his defensive stance relaxed a little as garrick asked about violet and imogen. dain had no clue about what happened in the space of time between now and twelve hours ago, but he could tell that it was something that would stick with everyone for a long time. suddenly, dain understood why imogen took the memory from violet. “they’re good. i went and rewarded all our doors,” he gave garrick a look, telling him silently who our was. anyone that had proven their allegiance to the resistance — all of fourth wing, pretty much — were encompassed in the word. he had gone through and rewarded doors to ensure that no loyalists would find their way into a place they don’t belong. 

“imogen is sorting through quinn’s belongings before we do the burning ceremony. violet’s — she’s upset, but i think that’s pretty valid. have you — have you talked to xaden?”

well  that  was  rude,    not  that  wylan  was  going  to  admit  that  aloud    -    especially  not  to  KAZ.    instead  he  stared  at  him  for  several  moments,    as  though  trying  to  make  quite  certain  that  he  had  heard  what  he  did    ...    there  was  no  mistake.      ❛❛  should  i  not  be?  ❜❜      he  knew  the  answer.    if  his  father  had  his  way,    wylan  would  still  be  floating  in  the  water  without  anyone  being  the  wiser  to  his  demise.      ❛❛  i've  picked  up  things!  ❜❜      he  counters,    sounding  sure  of  himself.    being  around  the  crows  had  taught  him  survival,    plus  they  were  always  around  so  he  never  had  to  worry  about  trouble.    okay,  he  never  had  to  worry  about  too  much  trouble    (  usually  ).      ❛❛  most  people  run  when  they  find  out  you  can  blow  them  up.  ❜❜            

most people understand that kaz was more bite than bark — some people were idiots. 

dark eyes cut from the bottles in front of him back to a head full of curls. unimpressed by his demolitions experts statement, kaz turned back to his inspection. “most people that can blow me up don’t look like they’d run away from the explosion,” he countered, picking up a bottle and giving it a shake. whatever was inside rattled, and kaz smirked over his shoulder. 

“will this blow me up?”

complicated doesn't even begin to cover their relationship — sloane's mind is still reeling over the fact that there is a relationship to be complicated at all. she'd come to basgiath with low expectations, half expecting to die before threshing and if that didn't happen she was just going to keep her head down, stick to the marked ones and try to make it through the next three years. all while avoiding dain as much as humanley possible because she had hated him — despised him. wanted nothing to do with him.

and now... now he's the one steady thing in her life. the thing she can lean against for support, no matter what. this was never supposed to happen. everything between them was supposed to be strictly physical and it was. until it wasn't. and she wanted to tell him that — felt the words dancing on the tip of her tongue every morning when she slipped out his door and raced back to her dorm so avoid being caught. but she could never quite bring herself to say them. this had been the closest she'd gotten. when she had been helping him pack for his trip with the quest squad for gods knows how long. but then someone had knocked and she'd been forced to hide in the bathroom while dain scrambled out to the flight field and she told him what she'd wanted to say wasn't important and it could wait.

"was i?" she feigns ignorance, brows furrowed and nose scrunched in thought. "it's... don't worry about it." she shakes her head, a hand reaching out to trace the outline of a bruise underneath his eye. "you just got back. you look exhausted. we don't have to go there right now."

every morning while they were gone, he would wake up and feel the weight of the empty bed around him and wish for wild strands of blonde hair across his pillows or the feeling of a head against his chest. he distracted himself during the day with the task of getting more of asher’s research and starting the translations, but as the sun went down, he would glance at his bedroom door, waiting for sloane to walk through. he was practically aching for her by the time they landed at the basgiath flight field eight days later, but he knew better than to follow the impulse to run to her, instead dain went through the motions of getting a status report from rhiannon while trying to stay on his feet.

ten minutes later he was walking through his bedroom door and seeing a shock of blonde hair. “baby,” he breathed before he was running into the room and lifting her off the ground, face pressed into the hair at the top of her head. “fuck i missed you,” he breathed, turning his face to press a kiss to the top of her head. it was then, standing there, holding her, that he remembered something that happened right before he left. their conversation went unfinished, with a look in sloane’s eyes that said whatever she was going to say was important. “you did,” he said after her reaction to him asking about it. 

“it felt like it was important,” reaching up, he laced their fingers together and squeezed. “i’m alright,” he said, though he felt like he could keel over from exhaustion at any minute. "what did you wanna say?"

arms crossed over her middle, violet watches the sparring match in front of her with mild interest. there are so many things she needs to figure out right now, so many ends that need tying up that she almost forgets that this is where her focus is supposed to be right now. in another life, maybe. one where she's able to just focus on training rather than carrying the weight of finding a cure on her shoulders.

her eyes shift to dain, lips tugging up in a ghost of a smile. "yeah, imogen laid him out." to no one's surprise. who hasn't been on the end of imogen's wrath? as far as violet was concerned, she was lucky the worst she ever walked away with was a dislocated shoulder. "are you going to take the next round? i'd love to see her flip you." admittedly, it would probably be pretty evenly matched — at least more interesting than the beat down they're watching now.

stealing her memories and reporting back to his father was something that kept him up at night some nights, especially now that he knew the truth that the general was trying to keep from the cadets. dain worked hard to try to make up for what he did. and hes noticed that, in the efforts he made getting the fliers to basgiath, he’s won some respect back. it was a slow process, and dain knew better than to force it, but old habits died hard. especially when he saw the look on violet’s face right now. 

so he approached the only way he knew how to now, with a joke. “you’d think that lynx would’ve learned his lesson by now.” dain hummed, arms crossed as the cadet in question stumbled back up. gotta give him points for tenacity. brown eyes turned to violet with an eyebrow raised. “oh yeah? you think she’d take me down?” she would. and she has. but sometimes dain just wanted to hang onto the moments that felt normal between the two of them, so he kept it going. “i’ll take next if lynx ever yields,” he said, looking pointedly at the first year who turned at the sound of his name. lynx didn’t take the hint, and dain watched as imogen laughed, dodging another hit and taking lynx out by the knees. sighing, dain turned back to violet, eyeing her before finally asking what he’s been thinking. “are you okay?”

why are you here ?

drive .  drive fast .

i think we should make an informed decision .

are you coming or not ?

you’ve been avoiding me .

[ name ] ,  what were you thinking ?

this should be your priority .

let me hold you for a minute .

get out of my way .  i won’t tell you again .

that wasn’t supposed to happen .

can you keep a secret ?

i don’t know what i did to deserve you .

you seriously think i could’ve done something like that ?

you’re safe with me .

sorry isn’t good enough .

where is all this coming from ?

who told you about that ?

sorry i’m late ,  i got caught up .

you’re being paranoid .

why are you looking at me like that ?

you’re the single most important thing to me .

all i’m asking is that you hear me out .

whatever they told you ,  it’s a lie .

we shouldn’t stick around here .

hold my hand ,  i don’t want to lose track of you .

[ name ]  …  truth or dare ?

i love you .  nothing’s gonna change that .

can you tell me what happened ?

you can’t come around here anymore .

back off ,  okay ?

what ,  you don’t have time for me anymore ?

you’re asking for too much .

i’m trying to start a new life .

what do you mean ,  you aren’t coming back ?

sometimes i think you must hate me .

why can’t we just talk about this ?

i know i fucked up ,  you can stop rubbing it in .

you’ve got quite a reputation .

i’m not usually like this ,  i’m sorry .

please ,  just let me explain myself .

i love watching you work .

we’re on the same team .

did you ever tell anyone ?

you’ve got a lot of explaining to do .

really funny ,  you’re very mature .

you call THAT a PLAN ?

can we get out of here ?

i thought things would be different .

this is not up for debate !

do whatever you have to do .

karma’s going to get you for that .

it could’ve been a lot worse .

i asked you to leave me out of this .

maybe it’s time to take a leap of faith .

i never want to see you again .

can you see how many fingers i’m holding up ?

i’m gonna be there when you get what’s coming to you .

you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me .

i’ve been waiting all night for this .

i told you not to contact me .

sometimes i really think you have a death wish .

what do you need ?  —  what can i do ?

i would do literally anything to keep you safe .

that was supposed to be a secret .

you haven’t called me that in years .

stop telling me to calm down !

we make a pretty good team .

i have so much i want to say to you .

i’m not going to let anyone hurt you .

can we please not do this right now ? 

wait ,  wait  …  just breathe for a second .

how are you holding up ?

why don’t you stay the night ?  i’ll take the couch .

i don’t need your protection !

you’re not making this easier on yourself .

are you going to let me in ?

i’m supposed to be protecting you .

i will kill you if i have to .

do whatever you have to do .

this is going to hurt ,  i’m sorry .

what happened to you ,  where have you been ?!

there was nothing you could’ve done .

you’re all i need right now .

i don’t believe in love at first sight .

have you been following me ?

i need you to believe me .

what do you remember ?

i’m not a good person .

what the hell’s going on with you ?

you’re being followed .

just when i thought my day couldn’t be any worse .

i’ve been having weird dreams .

so you’ve been lying to me this whole time ?

are you trying to get us killed ?

this is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me .

i never asked for your help .

you’re being followed ,  pretend you know me .

why has it started to feel different with you ?

don’t worry ,  i have a plan .

i heard everything .

do you need to sit down ?

i have the right to know what’s going on .

i’ve just gotta catch my breath .

stay out of my business .

what did you think was going to happen ?!

don’t cause a scene .

tell me something about you that i don’t know .

can i buy you a drink ?

what if  …  we played spin the bottle ?

this was never a problem until  [ name ]  came around .

you can’t ask me to make that choice .

are you seeing anyone right now ?

i need you to listen to me ,  we don’t have long .

you’re lying ,  that doesn’t make any sense .

you look  …  stunning .

what are you trying to prove ?

who died and made you the boss of me ?

you can’t just show up here like this .

let me make it up to you .

there’s no way i’m leaving you like this .

can we stay like this ?  just for a little longer .

i don’t need you to fight for me .

so  …  you lied to me ?

you’re the only one that can help me .

i can’t help you if you won’t let me .

i never introduced myself ,  i’m [ name ] .

i expected more from you .

you have no idea who i am ,  do you ?

are you real ?  is this real ?

can i stay with you ?  just for the night .

you’re going to get yourself killed .

why did you help me ?

tell me what i can do to help .

pick a card ,  any card .

i never wanted any of this .

i love you .   you don’t have to say it back .

do you wanna get out of here ?

what the hell are you talking about ?

i should have trusted you .

get your head out of the clouds .

how is any of this MY fault ?!

what aren’t you telling me ?

i can’t help you if you won’t let me .

it’s never just one with you ,  is it ?

you’re not supposed to know about that .

shut your mouth .

i haven’t kissed you yet ,  today .

where is this coming from ?

come over here and make me ,  then .

keep lying to yourself ,  see where it gets you .

i’m not a bad person .

is that what you wanted to hear ?

we can’t be seen together .

i can’t give you what you want .

i need you to leave .

are you drunk ?

i’m here ,  i’m here .  i’m not going anywhere .

you might want to take a seat for this .

have you been listening to anything i’ve said ?

i haven’t heard from you in weeks .

you’re jealous ,  aren’t you ?

who do you think you’re talking to ?

what are you reading ?

you could’ve killed me !

come on ,  we don’t have time for this .

i just need ten minutes of silence .

really ?  that’s all you have to say ?

we could leave ,  you know .  go far away .

you don’t look too good .

i never want to see you again .

why can’t you just leave me alone ?

i thought you died .

you’ll do anything for attention .

give me another chance .

how’s the weather up there ?

all you do is hurt people !

i’m sorry ,  none of this makes sense .

you need to get out of here before anyone sees you .

i told you i didn’t want you around here .

is that supposed to be a threat ?

you’ve changed .

don’t look at me like that .

it’s a beautiful day ,  don’t you think ?

i did what i had to do .

you never know when to stop .

i’ve got to get home ,  it’s getting late .

i have nothing to prove to you .

stop LYING to me  …  all you do is lie .

you don’t have to be nice to everybody .

don’t tell me what to do .

pull your head out of the past .

nobody can help me .  i can’t even help me .

we are not talking about that right now .

are you new around here ?

you have no idea what you’re starting .

i’m gonna get us out of here .

whatever you came here to say ,  i don’t want to hear it .

everyone’s staring at us .

is there anything i can do to help ?

i won’t cause you any more trouble .

– just follow my instructions for once !

do you want to come in ?

i just didn’t know what to do .

you need rest ,  lie down .

i’m not who you think i am .

i don’t know what you want me to say .

you’re not like anyone else i’ve ever met .

i feel like i’m going insane .

stop asking ,  you’re not going to like my answer .

i didn’t want you to see me any differently .

i wish i knew what to say to you .

don’t give me that look ,  you know what i mean .

you should be afraid .

do you still love me ?

i never thought i’d get this far .

the world doesn’t revolve around you .

i need you to give me some space .

i know what you’re doing ,  don’t play games .

you left me to die .

i’m beyond repentance .

when are you going to get it through your head ?

i missed you more than i thought i would .

i’m in love with you .

what do you need from me ?

i’ll kill them ,   just say the word .

[ name ] ,   what are you doing here ?

how can i help ?

you’re pathetic .

i need you to come pick me up .

where have you been ?  it’s eleven o’clock .

i couldn’t live with myself if i let you get hurt .

i can’t just pretend it didn’t happen .

you’re a real piece of work .

do you remember how we first met ?

when did all of this fall apart ?

that’s not what i came here for .

i would do anything for you .

i don’t need you to hold my hand through this .

are you sure this is the right thing to do ?

can’t we try to pretend things are okay ?

what is THAT supposed to mean ?

you’re always late ,  what am i supposed to think ?

there’s nothing you can do to fix this .

you’re far too kind to me .

can we go now ?  like ,  right now ?

i have to do this alone .

where’s your common sense ?

we aren’t supposed to be in here .

can you feel my heartbeat ?

i think i’ve seen you around before .

why are you acting weird ?

i have a really bad feeling .

i hate seeing you like this .

how am i supposed to react to that ?