THAT'S NOT VERY PUNK ROCK OF YOU!

•ANSLEY'S GENDER JOURNEY•

Ansley / Adri (may be subject to change)

20

(they/them/theirs) (xe/xem/xyrs) (she/her/hers) (star/star/stars) (it/it/its?)

Words that describe my experience with gender are genderqueer, maverique, agender, librafeminine, bigender/multigender, transneutral/transandrogynous, or generally non-binary * I also identify as femme but this is more an internal conviction than a consistent gender expression

Words that describe my sexuality are cupio/demiaroace, sapphic, trixic/diamoric, lesbian, or generally queer * part of my aspec experience is queerplatonic or alterous attraction

Labels don't matter so much tbh I just like having a collection ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I've been out to friends for a long time, but I'm trying to build confidence coming out to strangers and being visibly (gender)queer. This is my space for label-hoarding, name-testing, and embracing whatever "cringe" queer shit normies don't like. It will also serve to document my gendered experience and related exploration

Vent-type content -> #a-vent

Silly musings -> #gender sillies

NSFT/NSFW (should it ever come up) -> #mdni Too tired for DNI, but I block + report freely. I'm in the punk/alt scene so that should probably tell you something. Human rights are never up for debate. Be respectful or get the fuck off my page. You can talk to me if you want. Please block me if my content annoys you, I will not be offended!

I really want a bridge or an eyebrow piercing as well, but run into the same problems. I also wish it wasn’t viewed as unprofessional to have piercings. I wish it wasn’t considered ugly to have scars.

I really do want to be viewed as a gender-neutral slate that sometimes adds gendered markers for funsies. I want to be butch because to me that’s closer to androgynous (at least, the way I would do it). But it’s more than that, I know it is, the same way my femme identity is more to me.

I also find it hard to ever see myself that way because I’m in a long-term relationship with a (wonderful) butch. Obviously butch4butch is a real thing and super awesome!! But I don’t think we would work like that. We are compliments to each other as we are, and I certainly wouldn’t trade it for anything.

But “man/woman-lite” CAN describe identities (like demigenders or libragenders) that ARE non-binary. (Also not every demigender/libragender person has to identify this way either I’m just saying some do)

It will just be hard because I know they won’t see it the way I do. And that’s okay, my gender doesn’t really have to make sense to anyone except me. But it will break my heart more if they make fun of me, or choose to deadname me after that. Then I will know it’s on purpose.

Even if they do try to understand and be accommodating, I think it would still feel weird. I would never be able to know if they were taking me seriously or just entertaining me. It would feel like I have taken something from them, even though I haven’t. I guess it just feels like this part of my life (which has always existed, as long as I can remember) is separate from that part.

Above all else I don’t know how to tell them I want to change my name. I’ve always said I didn’t like my birth name, as long as I’ve been old enough to understand it. I used to get asked what I would change it to. I’m worried they’ll dislike or poke fun at what I chose, and that would hurt worse than any kind of transphobic rhetoric they could spew at me, honestly.

Like, I want to use he/him for how it would contrast against my femme/neutral presentation, but every time someone has used he/him for me irl it goes crunch in my brain. It doesn’t feel like me, like other sets do.

I think it would be better if he/him was used in alternation with she/her (EX: “he went to get her drink”) because to me it more accurately describes how my femininity and masculinity are connected, one does not exist without the other. But that’s harder in practice.