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Kit: Say your prayers -_-

*shoots Beatrice with a nerf gun*

#asoue #kit snicket #beatrice baudelaire #vfd training probably #a series of unfortunate events #a series of unfortunate quotes

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*singing*

Ernest: Do

Frank: Re

Dewey: Dewey! :D

#asoue #ernest denouement #frank denouement #dewey denouement #a series of unfortunate quotes #a series of unfortunate events #source: ghostbusters ii

Olaf (visibly angry): I can't believe you lied to me.

Esme: I didn't lie!

Olaf: *gestures at where Carmelita is sitting*

Olaf: You said it would just be us.

Esme: Technically, I replied with a very ambiguous emoji.

#asoue #count olaf #esme squalor #carmelita spats #a series of unfortunate quotes #a series of unfortunate events #source: leah on the offbeat

Violet: Hey girl ;)

Isadora: ...hey?

Violet: Y'know, if you were a fruit you'd be a fine-apple.

Isadora: ......

Violet: ........

Isadora: .........

Violet: It's like pineapple but--

Isadora: Yup, I got it.

Isadora: *blushes*

#asoue #violet baudelaire #isadora quagmire #violet x isadora #viodora #attempted flirting #a series of unfortunate quotes #a series of unfortunate events

Olivia: Life is a gameshow, and so far I've missed every question.

Jacquelyn: Maybe. But you look hot playing it. ;)

#asoue #olivia caliban #jacquelyn scieszka #jacquelyn x olivia #a series of unfortunate quotes #a series of unfortunate events

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Violet: I no longer believe in mommy or daddy issues. Traumatize your parents back.

Klaus:....

Sunny:....

Quagmire Triplets:....

Fiona: Vi, they're all dead!

#a series of unfortunate events #a series of unfortunate quotes #asoue #violet baudelaire #klaus baudelaire #sunny baudelaire #the quagmire triplets #isadora quagmire #duncan quagmire #quigley quagmire #fiona widdershins #source: tiktok (kinda)

*during an argument*

Isadora: (to Quigley) Didn't you once say "Eat a dick" to a bunch of vampires?

Quigley: (to Violet) I should have said "Suck a dick."

#asoue #isadora quagmire #quigley quagmire #violet baudelaire #vampires #a series of unfortunate events #a series of unfortunate quotes #source: wynonna earp

Jacquelyn: *sees Olaf hitting on Kit* Oh hell no!

Jacquelyn: *grabs Olaf by the ear* *drags him away from Kit* Kit is getting married tomorrow and so help me god if I catch you even so much as breathing the same air as her I will take those peanuts you're trying to pass off as testicles and I will squeeze them so hard until your eyes pop out and then I'll feed them to you like grapes!

Olaf (confused): Wait...my eyes? Or my testicles?

Jacquelyn: *thinks about it* One of each!

#asoue #jacquelyn scieszka #count olaf #kit snicket #a series of unfortunate events #a series of unfortunate quotes #source: how i met your mother

Lemony: She's a little upset right now.

Jacques: Why is she upset?

Kit: *from upstairs* Because hobos can't afford cable!

#asoue #lemony snicket #jacques snicket #kit snicket #a series of unfortunate events #a series of unfortunate quotes #source: icarly

Dear Beatrice,

You felt familiar the moment I met you. A lovely sort of dejá vu. When we spoke or laughed or danced I became overwhelmed by the powerful sensation that I had been here before. And when we kissed I felt the energies of a thousand lives on our lips, like our souls had known each other all along.

-Lemony Snicket

#asoue #beatrice baudelaire #lemony snicket #a series of unfortunate events #a series of unfortunate quotes #source: beau taplin quote

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Beatrice II: What do you need? Do you want to go punch her?

Sunny: No. I keyed her car.

Beatrice II: You did? How did you know which one it was?

Sunny: I don't know. I just guessed.

Beatrice II: So, you keyed someone's car?

Sunny: Yup. And then I bought a pack of cigarettes.

Beatrice II: ......

Beatrice II: I fucking love you.

#asoue #beatrice baudelaire ii #sunny baudelaire #a series of unfortunate events #a series of unfortunate quotes #source: dead to me

Monty: I have a hypothesis that I'd like to test. Everyone who enjoyed jump ropes as a child, put your hand up.

Gustav, Jaquelyn, Olivia: *puts their hand up*

Monty: Now, those of you who enjoy sexual whippings keep your hand up.

Snicket siblings: *confused looks*

Gustav: *blushes* *keeps his hand up*

Monty: *smirks*

Jacquelyn: *muttering* Son of a bitch! *raises her hand higher*

#asoue #monty #dr. montgomery #gustav #jacquelyn scieszka #olivia caliban #snicket siblings #whipping #a series of unfortunate events #a series of unfortunate quotes

Klaus: *about Josephine* She's scared of everything!

Violet, nodding: Spiders.

Sunny: Snakes.

Klaus: Wicker furniture.

Poe: Oh, my.

#asoue #klaus baudelaire #violet baudelaire #sunny baudelaire #arthur poe #josephine anwhistle #a series of unfortunate events #a series of unfortunate quotes #source: veggietales

Olaf: You've made an enemy this Friday.

Lemony: It's Tuesday.

Olaf: Good to know.

#asoue #count olaf #lemony snicket #a series of unfortunate quotes #a series of unfortunate events #source: wynonna earp

Duncan: You came up to my desk and said, "This may sound weird, and there's no reason for me to know this, but that mixed berry yogurt you're about to eat is expired."

Klaus: That was the moment that you liked me?

Duncan: Yup.

Klaus: Wow. Can we make it a different moment?

Duncan: Nope.

#asoue #duncan quagmire #klaus baudelaire #duncan x klaus #dunklaus #dunclaus #a series of unfortunate quotes #a series of unfortunate events #source: the office

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Jacquelyn: Did you know sugar is like baby meth? That's what my homeopath said.

Poe: Well, maybe your gay friend should mind his own business.

#asoue #jacquelyn scieszka #mr. poe #poe #a series of unfortunate quotes #a series of unfortunate events #source: community

Carmelita: *trips while tapdancing*

Carmelita: Is there any chance you didn't see that?

Duncan: Well according to Schrödinger, the universes of possibility coincide with those of probability. In his theory, everything is both seen and unseen until you know for sure which it was.

Carmelita: English, please?

Isadora: We saw you fall.

#asoue #carmelita spats #duncan quagmire #isadora quagmire #a series of unfortunate quotes #a series of unfortunate events

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