#count olaf

i lied put your clothes back on. i’m going to explain to you how the entirety of a series of unfortunate events was meant to explain the foster care system to young children and how mr. poe symbolizes every adult who doesn’t believe abused children and instead falls for the facades that the abuser puts on in order to maintain a sense of innocence

my feelings on count olaf are very complex. I think about him and kit snicket and la forza del destino and i'm like 'wow, he's such a complicated and tragic character! vfd turned him into a tortured, torturing shell of a man fixated on revenge, but even in his depravity, there is still a faint glimmer of humanity. things could have been different for him, in a better world, but that's not how the story goes'. and then I think about him and violet baudelaire and i'm like 'he needs to be repeatedly hit with tiny hammers until he is dead'

Just saw someone point out that Sunny Baudelaire probably knew more about Olaf than her own parents

can you imagine just being a regular patient in heimlich hospital during the events of the hostile hospital. like. okay so you're at this shitty run-down hospital in the middle of fucking nowhere but it's all you've got and whatever you've got appendicitis or something. and half the hospital is actually under construction but again it's the only hospital for hours so you gotta make do. also there's this group of hippies that visit you every day and sing about how you're going to get better, but whatever, maybe prairie people are just like that. and then one day post-surgery there's an announcement that the hospital administrator with an anxiety disorder has unexpectedly retired and now there's this new guy running the place whose accent is all over the place and there's these new doctors who look like they don't know their ass from their esophagus. meanwhile this new head doctor mentions these murderers that are loose in the hospital which like??? mom pick me up I'm scared. but it's okay because the new gang is on it, they'll be caught before ya know it. then one night you hear all this banging and crashing from the hospital's library which like ok. sus. but they said they had it under control. so. go back to sleep ig. the next day you hear an announcement that they're going to perform the world's first cranioectomy, meaning they'll cut off some girl's head. and you're like Okay, this is Fucked, but also you're still bedridden, so what are you gonna do? definitely gotta report this once you get out of here, that's for sure. maybe these painkillers are stronger than you thought, but I guess it is the sixties. and the next thing you know your nurse is waking you up in the middle of the night because the hospital is fucking burning down, and some guys are doing a The Shining reenactment in the hallway but let's not think about that because we need to Get The Hell Out Of Here, and now you're sweating in your hospital gown watching the hospital burn down from the front yard with your nurse and nobody knows what's going on, and you see some kids bungee jump from a second story window and hey they kinda look familiar but not now and oh isn't that the guy whose obituary was in the paper? isn't he meant to be dead? why is he getting into that shitty car with his interns? jesus christ this is fifteen levels of messed up I am never going to another hospital again and certainly not in the hinterlands. these hillbillies really are fucking nuts huh. hope that girl got out ok tho