the best part of heaven is it lasts forever
@currishfoolborngudgeon posted more for The Angel's Mercy AU so you know what that means. @beloved13579 don't think I forgot about you.
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Most people think that the way someone thinks, everything you believe, changes all at once. In one big epiphany, you go from being a God fearing disciple to a fuck religion teenager all at once right? No, things like that take time. Its less of an explosion that destroys everything all at once, and more of the final crack in a dam that was crumbling for a long time.
It was similar for Simon.
Some days he would think without a shadow of a doubt this was heaven. What else could this place possibly be? How else do you explain the Angel Avian living with him? That meant all he had to do was not do anything stupid. Don't get kicked out of paradise, don't fuck this up. That's why he walked on eggshells. This angel didn't have to keep him around, one wrong move and he could be cast out. But if he didn't mess this up, this could be his forever.
Other days Simon would start to believe what his savior told him. This was some alien planet that he had landed on by some miracle and would live the rest of his days on. This place was somehow on the same plane of reality Simon had lived the rest of his life on. But if he was alive that meant this wasn't eternity. Simon feared to think of what would really be waiting for him at the end of it all. That was one reason he could believe this wasn't the afterlife. Because surely he deserved worse at the end of everything.
The signs were small. Graying hairs. Duller feathers. Relying more on his cane everyday. Grace was aging. Simon wasn't immune to it either, but the gray hairs didn't mean as much in his hair than in his angel's.
That was where the last of Simon's certainty in this afterlife died. And if he wasn't dead, that meant he would die someday. And so would Grace.
Most days Simon just ignored it, bottled it up. The dread, the fear of death, and more importantly the fear of being left alone again. He just, couldn't hold it together anymore when he saw Grace really struggle to walk along the beach he had spent so many mornings walking across with ease.
Simon was crying now. It must seem so random, Simon bursting into tears at the sight of his Grace walking with a cane like he did so many mornings now. Simon tried to hide his face with a hand, to look away, to hide this fear and sadness. But it was too much. One day Simon would wake up alone again. How would he live without his Grace? How would he-
Simon looked in Grace's direction. Ryland looked concerned. Always for Simon's sake. He wasn't the one getting older by the day.
"Its just... I used to think I was dead already. This was eternity, forever. And I was happy to live under an angel for the rest of my life. Then I was living with another person. If we are both people, then... we can both die and..." Simon trailed off after that.
"I'm not getting that old am I?" Grace asked, mock offended. "I thought I looked good for my age."
Simon let out a small laugh. Grace could make him laugh even when things felt hopeless. "Can we just... sit here for a while?" A few years ago Simon couldn't imagine asking the simplest of things of his angel. But a lot had changed since then.
"Of course." Grace sat on the beach, still foggy after all these years. He laid his cane beside him and looked out onto the sea. Like it was a horizon that lasted forever. After some moments of nothing but crashing waves Grace spoke again.
"I'm going to be honest I never really believed in Heaven and Hell and whatever. I was too scientific, you know? But I could never quite get behind an empty void as the afterlife. Too... pessimistic? Maybe that was always just wishful thinking but... we are all made of star stuff right? So why not go back to our roots when we die? I always liked to think we become stars when we die."
Simon looked back at Grace. Grace was still gazing out at the open ocean. "I like to think we are going to be binary stars after we die. Stars that orbit a common center of mass. I'd like to be in a star system with you." Grace looked back at Simon.
God, Simon would believe anything Grace would say. He learned to believe what seemed impossible before... maybe he could do it again.
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Idk if this even counts for the AU anymore. I want to write some character development or something. I made it a little to long for my own good though so I don't know if I edited it well enough. I also am not as comfortable writing from Simon's POV. They are going to be a spectrographic binary stars someday trust guys.
origamiaround
snowghoul
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