An Anonymous Place to Vent

(*If you would prefer not to have it posted, let me know and I won’t) (Also, I will not give any feedback unless explicitly requested.)

You can vent about (almost**) whatever you want; it can be about something personal or it can be about a broader topic. It can be about something major (E.g. family drama, systemic oppression, stupid government and/or laws, etc.) or it can be about something minor (E.g. a stubbed toe, your neighbor plays music you don’t like, you disagree with a very common headcanon, etc.)

**There are a couple rules however:

1) No bigotry. If your vent is about actions and/or choices that do not affect you in any way and are based in prejudice, I will not accept that.

1.5) Again, No Bigotry. This is in regards to reactions to a vent; if you do not agree with what a person is venting about, please keep scrolling.

2) Please don’t pretend to vent as a character. (E.g. Batman, Mickey Mouse, Goku, Etc.)

3) I feel this is obvious, but just to make sure. Do not put any important identifying information in your vents. I would recommend names be made up, but that’s more optional, do not put your address, phone number, or email in an ask, it will not be posted.

after that im really sorry to get into it, but i need to somewhere or else i feel like ill rot away. mostly, it has something to do with how i just dont Get what it means to be a person.

the source of most of it is from the relationships i form. or, more accurately, the lack thereof. see, i have close friends. ive been friends with those people since Kindergarden. i often consider them the people closest to me, who know me the best; and they share that sentiment with me. but even then, i dont feel very Close to them. two of them have partners that understand them in a way a friend cant, and the other two have people closer to soulmates then friends. i have none of that. all i have are them and some acquaintances, and i guess the root of the matter is that i dont really have That person. not even romantically, but platonically. i dont feel like i have a singular person who understands me the best and that i feel the same way about. it feels like i cant connect with anyone on the same level as everyone seems to be able to, and its starting to feel like a moral failing more than anything else.

i think it has something to do with me not being a person. i mean, i am, in the sense that i breathe, walk, talk, and eat; but in a crowded room with no one i know, i most just shut up, sit in a corner, and wait. its hitting me now that the best way to describe it is that i act like an npc, whos only sole purpose is to drive forward the story for the protagonist, who just so happens to be everyone else around me, and thats really Really funny to me, because thats just it. my entire worth as Someone is how i act around people. i feel like fucking emmet from the lego movie or some shit and thats going to turn me into the fucking joker someday. i guess thatd be good. at least ill be Someone. anyways, im not really asking for tips on this ala reddit: how do i make more friends?, im just really upset and mad at myself right now for who i am, or for who im not. theres a lot more about me that pisses me off, and i think that i just really hate myself.

if you hate yourself, you kill whoever you think that is.

I think it’s going to get worse. And it concerns me just a bit that I can’t find myself caring

What do you think I should do? How can I escape my house, and how can I be less obsessive? I've been thinking about writing more, like a diary ig. But I really want to be acknowledged y'know

As usual, I'm writing this before bed, and am very tired, and I apologize for anything harmful that I may say.

I'm guessing you would like a response, I honestly can't tell if you questions at the end are rhetorical or not, if you did not want a response, I apologize and you may disregard everything I say.

To be completely honest, I have no idea what you should do. I escaped my shitty parents house when I was 18, but that was only because I had older sibling that could help me.

I would say try to reach out to any trusted friend or family that you know, but I'm not sure if you have any. If so, perhaps that.

As for the obsession thing, I feel like it's natural given a lonely upbringing, probably not healthy, but very natural.

I myself tend to feel like I latch on to my siblings a lot, and I'm still not quite sure what to do about it.

I don't know your situation, but maybe just talking to and being around other people will help. For me, there aren't many people who knows me very well, just my siblings really, but I still do some group activities, I wouldn't call most of the people I see my friends, but they're friendly acquaintances who I can still talk to about small things.

For example, I was venting a bit to one of my coworker about my workload the other day, it was nice to let some of my frustration out. At a place I volunteer at I was talking to one of the people there about trying to get a vacation at my job, and again, it was nice to let out some of my frustration.

I really really dont know how, or why, but one day i just... stopped. Stopped feeling weird. One day I just locked away the weird dysphoric thoughts, called myself a woman, set all my profiles etc. It just. Happened.

All the stuff I sent before is just like. Fine. And I acknowledge i probably have trauma. It's confusing to me too. No therapist yet either, but probably future stuff.

Iunno. I just kinda felt like coming back to say like... certainly not everyone's case, but it can get better (even if you barely know what you did to fix it.)

Like. Permission to speak, if you really want it, just like... I just wanted to update i guess. Drink some damn water or something.

-girl

I don't really have anything to say, just that I'm glad you're doing well!

I know I’m not doing enough, I know I could’ve done better and I’m sorry I’m not. I’m trying to learn how to be okay with the thought of you being with others so you can get what you want and need.

It just hurts since it’s a sexual kink for most and we are monogamous. I’m trying to get used to the thought of you having a private one on one sexual relationship with someone else.

Mabye if I become what you need you won’t have too. I’m trying to find a job, then I’ll be able to provide you with what you crave.

I hope that one day you will see that all I’ve ever wanted was to be that person for you. Mabye if I died it would be easier. It would free up space for you to find someone, and you wouldn’t have to worry about crossing my boundaries.

You have been so good- becoming mono for me.

I’m sorry that I’m not what you need, not enough.

I'm open to any feedback from you or people in the comments.

Disclaimer, I was homeschooled, so I really don't understand a lot of school culture things or how school works, but I don't think there's really any test that can full stop end your dream future.

I'm sure doing well on those test will make it much much easier, but I think there's probably other ways to get in to med school.

I'm not sure, I'm very tired at the moment and I don't think I'm educated enough about this to give any meaningful feedback. I will let someone more knowledgeable than me answer that, if they are so inclined.

I am sorry to hear that you're not feeling well, and that no one around you seems to care.

Perhaps you're feeling some burnout, I've been going through a bit of it at work lately. usually I'm incredibly efficient at work, but this week I've been falling behind, and getting stressed out, I think it should go away eventually, I've been feeling pretty bad, but there's not a whole lot I can do because it's my job, it's not like I can take a break to relax.

I imagine it's the same for you in school, I would say just rest, but I don''t think it"s that simple. I'm really sorry I don't really have any advice, and I haven't been sleeping well, so am very tired.

I’m on my third novel in my series. I don’t want to do this process again. But I’ll have to confront her about it soon because I finished the book and now I’m editing it (which I’m not supposed to be doing, she’s supposed to be reading it now). So it’s been awhile since we had to sit down and go over all her edits, but it’ll start again soon.

When she has a comment on something she highlights it and sometimes makes a note. Like about 5 per a page or more. Scrolling through the book, seeing all of those edits is so overwhelming and feels so hopeless.

she always says the editor should have more control than the author. But I’d honestly rather write and publish something I regret slightly than argue with her about everything, if that makes sense.

I think i just want a convenient escape. From being expected to be a man. I'm just lazy. Maybe i thjnk it would give me a real personality. I seem to think it takes no effort, i guess. Thinking it would solve all my problems.

I only started feeling "dysphoric" when i learned about trans women online. Nothing before.

Just like how I'm pretending I have some kind of trauma. "Oh no, my parental figure i looked up to made some jokes about me, oh no she hit me jokingly once or twice, oh no!"

When i read about cptsd trauma etc etc etc online.

Maybe i just want to be the "daughter she's always wanted" so I get more attention.

Don't know if you have anything to say, but permission granted

Sorry

As per usual, I am answering this before bed, so I very much apologize if anything I say is unhelpful or hurtful.

Sorry, I'm kinda tired and my life is a bit busy right now, but I want to say something, it might just be a bit incomprehensible.

I'll be real with you, I had to look up what AGP is, and yeah, it's probably fake and i doubt that you have it, but like even if you did, you can still interact with trans woman? You're not like asking for their nudes or something right? (I suppose even if you are, they can decide whether or not they want to give that to you. so like just don't harass them.)

You discovered something that you relate to, and now you see things in your life that you're unhappy with, that's entirely normal, I think. If you didn't even know that trans women existed before, I'd imagine you wouldn't have ever thought that you could be anything but a man.

I think you should just explore it, if that's something you want. if you decide you want to live your life as a woman, great! If you decide you don't and you want to live your life as a man, great! If you find that you’re Non-binary, Also great!

You can do whatever you want, try on dresses and see how that makes you feel, or make-up. Do those things make you feel happy? Then do it (If you can safely do so) does that mean that makes you a woman, it can, but it doesn't have to. Those things don't make you feel happy? don't do it, does that mean you're not a woman? it can, but it doesn't have to.

Also, like, anyone can interact with anyone on the internet, you can interact with trans people and that doesn't really mean anything about you.

Cis people can relate to trans people and trans people can relate to cis people, if you want to interact with trans women because you relate to them, then I think you should. If you decide you're not a trans woman, that fine, as a cis man you can still relate and enjoy conversation with trans women.

Also, I think you should see a therapist, if you can. I recommend that to everyone, because I think everyone can benefit from speaking to a licensed professional, and I, maybe, especially think people who are submitting anonymous vents to a Tumblr blog will benefit from it.

When you're a system and you're fighting to survive on the Internet of all places you latch onto people you trust a lot, yea?

Well the person we trusted, that we had known for 4, almost 5 years now, had been trying to get with the host, or who their host thought was the host. Their.. almost 21 year old host... Trying to get with our previous 18 year old host. And not caring that the old host saw him as an older brother. Because that's what made it better.

And the warning signs were all there. We just didn't see it. We've blocked them on everything but one platform, we stopped talking to them on that platform too, we are scared to completely cut them out because of what they are capable of doing. The body's parents are fully aware, we can't do shit. We feel so fucking stupid. We trusted them.

And worst of all, we haven't even talked to them about it. We're scared. We don't know what to do anymore. It feels like a consistently bad idea.

The parents just say "sorry" and shrug, our friends don't need to know this shit. They don't even know we're a system! We have never felt so fucking alone before until now.