Yikes™

*uses lol lmao and rip as punctuation*

i fucking hate how i get attached to temporary people

so tired of being human I want to be a flower

[ID: “People liking turtles better than cops will be pleased to learn a turtle bit off a cop’s toe in the Hudson River.”] 

am I an actual good person or am I faking my morals for acceptance

Becoming a cold hearted bitch wasn’t really what I planned to do with my life but here I am

i hate middle aged people any time you mention that you’re tired they’re like just wait until you’re 30 THEN you’ll see. like… first off i’m dying sometime in the next 3-5 years so jot that down

gardening has this reputation as a gentle and chill hobby but you know what?? gardening is actually a constant and brutal conflict between the human need for control and the will of life to spread - a battle between life and death itself, even. in the garden I am the Overlord Supreme, Peerless Queen of the Dirt, Arbiter Above All, the ultimate and final judge over who gets to live and who must die. I drowned an entire anthill today for daring to exist in my realm, and the blood of hundreds has soiled my soul. my thumbs may be green but my hands are black and deadly.

Your phone rings. The number looks familiar. You pick up to hear your own voice asking you for help.

Sometimes a family is 1500 moms living on an island with their daughter made of clay

“your eyes hella red u been smokin??” no I been crying bitch leave me alone