11 Foot Tall Canon God

And he was right. They both were. Cellbit killed himself in the end because he was depressed and trapped in his own misery after Purgatory, believing that Roier would be better off without a monster for a husband. And Roier didn’t want to be on the island without his husband, and he paid the price for searching for him: the Roier on the qsmp 2 is NOT q!Roier because his body was forcibly taken over by his evil twin brother, and it’s been that way for years.

And, between the beginning and the end, there was love.

I think about the conversation they had after their breakup. Cellbit confessed to being a murderer, and all Roier asked was, “Would you kill me?” And Cellbit said, “No. I would kill for you, but never you.” And that was that.

Logging into the server and greeting each other immediately with nicknames.

Saying goodbye with one:

(You may be wondering how Branzy manages this, but the answer is quite simple, actually: Photoshop, and a lot of forcibly-decaffeinated coffee)

He goes to drop this broken mirror off to what he’s certain is a parody account, but, nooooo, it’s Actual Real Genuine Clownpierce

“Heyyyyyy,” says Branzy, discreetly steeping in front of his back windshield and hiding his broken mirror from view. He can’t feel his fingers or, like, any of his body, actually, it’s weird! Unpleasant! Terrifying!

Speaking of terrifying, Actual Real Genuine Clownpierce does as Actual Real Genuine Clownpierce does and pulls his scythe out from behind his back. He nudges Branzy away from his car with the butt end of it, completely wordless.

He looks into the trunk (somehow; does his mask even have eyeholes???)

And then he says, “I’m… not paying you one hundred and fifty dollars for this.”

And then Branzy, unwisely, says, “Actually, it was only one-forty-nine-ninety-nine…”

And then he wises up and backs up with a wide, terrified grin as Actual Real Genuine Clownpierce turns on him and starts twirling his scythe in one hand. Menacingly.

And you may be wondering what happens next, and the answer is simple:

After some very tense discussion, Clown says, “Help me scam people on Facebook Marketplace. You owe me.”

“For the mirror,” Branzy nods. “Right. Of course.”

“And for the gas money…”

“Mhmm. Of course! The gas money, how could I have forgotten…”

“And I was hungry on the way, so I stopped at Dunkin’ on the way…”

Branzy nods again. Feverishly. “Yes, of course! I’ll PayPal you. For the donuts.”

Contemplatively, Clown taps a finger against the chin of his mask. “And I need to pay for parking…”

Branzy fights the urge to cry- not because he’s being forced into indentured servitude under a murder clown, but because Rek will be able to tell him I-Told-You-So, and Branzy hates when that happens!!!