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am I allowed to say I want more sick fics that involve brain damage....

guys i need help, I'm not going to say my age but I'm young and in highschool, and i am currently working on getting an autism assessment, i reached out to get it personally btw. so i started to consider being autistic in the 6-7th grade, and i started to notice a bit more now, i did online autism tests and got high scores on all of them. (I also developed anxiety between this time) and in did research on autism but now I'm noticing my autistic traits way more ever since i considered it and since I developed anxiety, and every time I do something autistic or notice and autistic trait the back of my mind is telling me that I'm faking it subconsciously, and I'm really doubting myself, i don't know how to exactly discribe the way I'm feeling. because I didn't have many Early childhood signs I feel like I don't actually have it and I'm just faking it which is making me really confused. I wouldn't say I have strong autistic traits I would definitely say just level one autism but it's still affecting me on how every time something happens I think that I'm faking it subconsciously because I only started to really really noticed stuff after I started considering it. I will edit this if I have anything more to add.