hell nope

Maybe I need to find a better way to communicate without lashing out, but you also need to find a way to be receptive to what I have to say in the moment. When was the last time you apologized to me during an argument instead of afterwards over text? I only lash out because me communicating my fears is happening one of many times and I’m already seeing things pan out in the ways I feared I would. We’ve been home together for one week and you have not done one thing to make me feel comforted about any of the things I feel unhappy with in our relationship. Don’t just tell me you care, prove it to me. That’s why I lash out, because I’ve grown so so tired of constantly begging you to make me feel cared about and prioritized and important. I shouldn’t have to take it this far for my feelings to actually get through to you. Why are you never sorry for the ways you impact me? Show me that you care. Do the things you say you will. If I’m telling you that I don’t believe you’ll do the work then prove me wrong. I honestly don’t have much faith in you and your ability to work and change. It’s only because I’ve asked a million times before. And because I don’t have this faith it’s up to you to prove me wrong, it’s not up to me to exercise more patience because my patience is gone. I’ve been so so patient with you for so long, why is my patience never allowed to run out? Haven’t I been patient enough? I need you to work with me here. I need you to be willing to do the things you said you would, not just say that you will. I need to see actual work out of you, and I truly don’t believe I will. That is why I lash out. Maybe you need to think about why I’m lashing out, not just me - why is it up to me to moderate my feelings and it’s never up to you to accommodate. You say you’ll accommodate and make me feel more important to you, but these weeks have not boded well for our relationship. I feel like you only want me around when it’s convenient for you. But what about me? What about my life? When will that start to matter to you and why do you get to pick and choose?