Annie's (messed up) World

If I could describe the last month being there is a thing that sums it all up : CRYING! 

That's it I've cried more here in a month then in all the 10months abroad. I'm so tired of being told all I do is not good enough, tired of people telling me "do this", "do that" , "go here", "eat now", "sleep now" and everyday the same. And it makes no difference if I'm tired, haven't slept, ill , and don't get me started on doing the things I want. There is no "Annie wants to do this because it will b good for Annie" that I can actually do. It's always doing something for someone else and always hearing somenone yelling something at me and talking bad about me (and not even bothering if I can hear her saying that I'm a no good, lazy ass ). 

Because that's exactly what I am. Because I'm suppose to guess and do things for others without they telling me to do them. Because when I ask a question and the persons says no I am suppose to do the things anyway, otherwise here comes the yelling. 

This is great! Really great! This is exactly how I am suppose to spend my life at the age of 23. Because living like this is what everyone my age is f'ing doing. 

I just really hate this. I'm tired!| I'm just going through the motions! 

Well, as you can see my efforts to lose weight have been not at all great, but oh well I had to enjoy my last weeks in Stockholm.

Now I am back in my hometown and things couldn't be different. I walk everyday 30min in the morning and either 30 or 45min in the afternoon. My diet is better and with only the exception of my cousins b'day yesterday. 

I hope this is a turning point on my health. I have my blood tests tomorrow and also my ECG. Let's just wait for the 23rd of July to see what my doctor says. 

So far two things stand out:

1- I Miss my Stockholm life and my Girls!

And when you don't feel that great about yourself and only see the bad in everything well something happens :D and now it's time I remove the things from my bed and sleep, because the sun is almost up even though it is 2:30 am here in Stockholm.

Good night people.