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*So i was fb-ing when i saw this article on my feed; it says  " 27 Questions You Should Ask If You Actually Want To Get To Know Someone"  Sympre tinignan ko dahil curious ako at para magamit ko rin sa future when im making new friends. Pero db nga dapat kilala mo muna ang sarili mo bago ka magpakilala sa iba. So dahil dyan, sasagutan ko to! Haha

Here is:"My 27 answers to your 27 questions for you to know me"

1. Do you believe in nurture? Or do you favor nature?

-        wait haha. ( Ni-merriam ko pa ung definition ng dalawa! Kaloka! Haha) okay, siguro dun ako sa 'nature' kasi nasayo na yan eh, i mean original na yan sayo. Ikaw n yan. Unlike nurture na nakukuha m lng iba. Mas bet ko ang nature. 

2. Have you ever had a reoccurring dream? What do you think it meant/represented?

-       oh yeah, you mean 'de javu'? Hmmm oo minsan me nauulet sa tingin ko, prang it's a sign? Or something n mangyre pero d m alam kng kelan. Ung tipong pag nancyare na mapapasabe k n lng ng "ay napaginipan ko to"!

3. If you were in complete control of the circumstances, how would you want to die?

-       Uhm... By accident? Basta ung biglaan. Yokong mamatay dhl s disease, kasi pag ganun i can feel the pain pa. Eh pag accident, biglaan! No pain.  Kaso ang cons ng aksident is, di n k makakapagpaalam? Kya nmn ako, i awalys say what i want to ehom i love. Lage. Kc nga u can never can tell malay mo last n pla un.db?? 

4. How would your best friend describe you if asked?

-       oh, I dont do bestfriend. I mean i have friends, pero hanggang dun lang. Walang 'best' kc once u become my friend, ur the best already. So i think my "friends" would describe me as: the joker??? I do make funny jokes all the time kc. Ung tipong di sila sanay if nagseswryso ako hahaha. Pero minsan nmn im the wuiet one. Binabalnce k lng kc eh. 

5. What was one of the most ridiculous things you believed as a kid, and how did you find out the truth about it?

-       That Santa claus is real. Haha, hmm I saw my papa putting the gift inside our socks hahhah

6. Where and when are you your best self?

-       Where: inside my room.   When: im writing. (diaries. Blogs)   Kasi sa mga oras at panahon na yan. I can be myself.. I can express my self. Yung tipong walang pupuna sayo. Ung tipong u can do what u really want. 

7. When you picture your most fulfilled, happy self, how would you describe what you envision?

-       Im spending my Christmas in a rest house with my parents, husband and two kids, sitting in dining table with them happily watching the kids eating/telling stories, looking into my husband smiling and seeing my parents happily eating with us… in that moment ill say “id made it”

8. What was the first thing you were really good at?

-       im good at lying. Hahah

9. If you could trade lives with anyone for 24 hours, who would it be and why?

-       as of now? Hmm.. one of TWICE member. I just want to know how it feels like to be an idol, to have a full packed sched, to make fans happy. Isn’t it awesome!

10. How do you want people to remember you?

-       No one remember someone always. But I want them to remember me as the “one and only ANNE/AJ they’d knew”

11. Do you believe that we really CAN choose to be happy? Why or why not?

-       ofcourse! Every choices we made is based on what we makes us happy.

12. If you could give 15 year-old you one piece of advice, what would you say?

-       Hey! Be confident!! Don't be shy!! Dont make people think ur weak!! 

13. Do you feel like you are proud of the person you’ve become?

-       Nope, not yet. But I know I’ll be, one day. Step by step.

14. When you hear the term “sparking joy” what comes to mind?

-       Sparking joy? Hmm that’s what I feel everytime I hold my Korean albums/merch haha

15. Who is your favorite person other than yourself?

-       my mama. I mean everyones favorite their mom right? I see myself in her actually. The behavior she have, I had that hhaha the only difference we have is that, she is a strong independent person unlike me. The scared one.

16. What is your biggest fear?

-       "to be forgotten"

-       "to be rejected"

-       "to be a disappointment " 

17. What’s your greatest strength/asset?

-       my imagination. 

18. What about your biggest weakness/personal obstacle?

-       im dependent.

   19. How would you describe the word ‘chill’ when talking personality wise?

-       hmm. Chill is when you think nothing by doing nothing for nothing. 

20. Do you think you are a ‘chill’ person? Why or why not?

-       yes I am. Definitely a chill person. I took everything easily u know. When nothing goes right I just shrug it off. My favorite thing to do is to chill = doing nothing haha

21. If you could go back to school, what classes would you take (regardless of major) and why?

-       third year, 1st sem. Section 3N. One of the happiest class i ve been. Oo mahrap ung mga subj dat time. Pero masaya kc ung kaklase ko. Ung ksma ko. 

22. Do you think that everything happens because of chance, or do you think we’re more in control that we give ourselves credit for?

-       Chance is one of the factor, but what our choices be, what we do is the reason why things happen.

23. What kind of friend do you try to be? And “a good one” is not an acceptable answer.

-       The real one. I just want to the friend that anyone can share their deep thoughts.

24. How much do you care about how other people think of you?

-       Everybody cares about what others think of them, its normal. But for me, maybe 8/10 I have this mindset of being comfortable on yourself is much ok rather than impressing everyone.

25. If you weren’t worried about the consequences and knew everything would go back to “normal” after, what would you do for 24 hours?

-       Ill kill myself. Hahaha you know I always wonder how anyone can say that theres life after death where they get that idea? How do people around you will react if you die? I just want to know how will they react hahaha creepy right?

26. Describe your soulmate.

-       Someone who I can annoy forever .

27. What to you is the perfect way to spend a weekend? 

@hair salon

A year ago. 

A year ago i finally added that three letter to my name. RPH(Registered PHarmacist). Indeed a dream come true. A surreal feeling. Yung tinrabaho mo ng halos apat na taon mahigit naging success. 

A year ago thats my only goal, to pass the boards. And i did it. It was never easy. Wala naman kasing madali sa buhay db? but ive made it. Thats the only time ive been proud to myself. Na finally meron akong isang bagay na maipagmamalaki sa iba. 

A year ago ive become a licensed pharmacist. ready to face the world kahit na nakakatakot. 

But the real question here is; “Ano ka na ngaun, asan ka na ngaun a year after u passed?”

Well im typing here at condo sitting on the floor listening to a cardi b song. In short, tambay. haha. Yeah u read it right. What! A board passer is just a tambay! Amp she’s just wasting her licensed!    Ganyan siguro ung nasa isip ng iba. I cant blame them tho, living in this kind of world lahat na lang may mapupuna sayo. hard noh? 

Anyways, ok lets get down to our memory lane, anu na nga ba ang nagawa ko after i passed? Hmm Two months after the boards i just enjoy life. vaction here and then with friends and fam. I think its a reward time for me. Hehe. Den another two months after that, adulting hit me up. Going into job interviews, applying for goverment id’s etc. Den in the next month i got hired! Wow! Adult na si aj! Haha! At dahil walang forever i only stayed 4 months there hehe. And three months after tambay na ulet! Yay! As u can see mas madame pa ung tambay mode ko kesa sa may sense. Hay sad. Haha! Cgro ganun talaga pag d m pa alam kng san ka papunta, pag di mo pa alam ung gusto m tlga gawin s buhay mo. Ayern  thats what happened to my life after i passed. 

kanina during dinner mama throw a question to me “isang taon ka ng rph, anu na narating mo?”i feel insulted. its like pinapamuka skn na wala nmn akong na-gain during that past year. Tho i know d ayun ung point nya but iba ung take ko dun s tanong nya. Nakakapang hina ng loob. na parang it means na dapat may narating na ko kaht papano in that span of one year, hay. life. Sometimes ang hirap nong i-take. anywaysss im still grateful for this day. 

next goal? That two letter naman! Hopefully i can make it. Sana talaga. 

23rd!

Happy birthday to me!Wow its been what, two decade and a three years. Time flies really so fast. As in. It just like yesterday was my debut and now, im 23!Amazing right. Tho i dont feel like 23, for me im still 19/20 hhaha!

What a beautiful 23 years of my life. So many blessings, as well as struggles but is ok. I think im really missing something in my life, Like at this age, i should have been accomplished and achieved many things pero bakit pag iniisp ko, bakit parang wala akong nagawa? 

2-24-18

Memoria 

So i saw this old hard drive of papa and them try to open it. Luckily nagana pa, and it has many videos of us atound 2008 i think? Veidoes from our old handy cam. And i watched it all, it consumer ny whole day infairness. But its ok, its worth it. Kasi for today its like im back, back in that year. 

Nakakatuwa kasi kahit ang gulo ng kuha ng mga videos ok lng kasi yung mga taong andun, ung mga ganap dun, nabalikan ko lahat. Ang saya kasi masasabi mo na “ay ganun pala ako dati, ay ganun na pala talaga ako” yung mga pinsan mong bata pa during that time, bgaun mas matatangkad na sayo, yung mga taong wala na ngaun; pero duon buhay pa sila, yung lugar na first time mong punthan nuon iba na ang itsura compare ngaun. Ang dameng nagbago... isa n ko duon.

Thats what i love about pictures/videos kasi once u capture that moment, it makes the best memories one day. Na kahit marami ngnagbago ngaun pero once u watched it atleast duon. Ok pa ang lahat. Masaya pa lahat. Ang saya lang magbalik alaala. 

2/18

-Sunday is a movie day for us,Today we watched 3 movies.

First: (The baby driver) 

is all about cars/money/illegal things. Takeaway from that is, when u dont want to do the things they want u to do but u cant say no just becsuse, u have no choice? thats awful ryt? Sometimes life is just like that, people around you keep telling u things they want u to do, things they want to do but they cant so they keep pushing it to u to do it just for them. yeah we have a choice, choice to ignore it and follow what we want or to just do it. Not just because u dont have choice but u just dont know what to do if the things u want may fail no one can blame, but you..alone. Unlike doing what they want, if it fails ur not the whole responsble for it, and i think its the easy way for not feeling a failure, for not being a disappointment. 

Second: (Youre closer than i think) 

its a korean drama special.“What is essential is invisible to the eye”-a very famous line from a very well known book: the little prince. its really my favorite book since highschool.. it really has takeaway lesson from it. Why is like that? I mean, why it is hard for us to see the essential? Maybe because we only use our eyes? Hmm i think thats it. You know theres a sayin’ our eyes is the window of our soul. Meaning our ehes very important, so we must use it properly. We must observe very keenfully. 

Siguro kaya hindi natin makita kung anu yung importante kasi hindi tayo dun nakatuon, we only focus on what we want to know, what we want to see instesd of focusing on knowing them deeply and seeing the real them. 

Third: (Global playlist, i cant find a photo tho)

its a korean webtoonabout two different perspective: the employed and the job seeker.So funny that somehow i see myself from them; the employed one being so hyped coz its her first job, so enthusiastic about everything, doing all the things that the boss tell. She says “working is doing what you hate the most, hearing what u dont want the most and saving ur piled up emotion into trash” and i think thats the reality of some employed people. u see, u keep doing that work for ur loved ones even if ur not happy with it...kasi kailangan, kasi ayun ung next level that u need to do after graduating according to mr.life kahit na mahirap. 

The job seeker one being so desperate to land that job he keep on finding yet he didnt find. Searching every now and then for a job, calling all hiring company and yet he still didnt make it. He says “the more experienced you have, the better. The more younger you are, the better” and that is the reality my friend. Hard ryt? getting a job even if ur a college grad is not easy, especially if theres a pressure around you, like all of ur friends have a job and ikaw nganga pa rin, ur parents/family pushing u so get a job for u to be able to help them. You see, some people keep telling that and then, do it this way, to not slack off, to keep pushing it everytime. Yeah thats good but for u to motivate but come to think of it, for me its not a motivation its a pressure. A big pressure that i can no longer carry. You see people keep telling u to do it but they dont know the hardship that u get for u to get it. 

The decision i made

As the year ended, another one begun.2017 has been a good year for me. I passed the boards; had my first job; meet new people; gooing different places and most of all papa came home this holiday season.Of course bad things also happens but its ok. Coz i passed it. 

11/12/17- i just turned into what i hate the most; talkshit. 

11/13- Priorities changes when u grew older.  

11/14- so shookt when i saw u standing in front of me. Hayyy

11/21- i am calm. Dunno y. But im calmed when i saw u entering that door walking to me. U said 'hi' and all i can do is to smile. This is not a dream. Ur with me. Now. Tho we may not be talking all day but let me tell u, its the happiest silence i ever feel. Knowing ur beside me. I hope u can see what my mouth cant say. Let me cherish u. Just for this seminar. Coz after this we'll be back to reality. Reality that u have ur 'babe'. Reality that ur not mine. 

Life I only have a week to decideIf ill grab the nmat this october orI'll wait for the next and finish my contract. I really want to take a med schoolI think that's where i belongIts the mindset i have since then, to be a doctor. I thought after boards ill continue straight to med schoolBut life happens shit follows I dont know how to ask my parents If they can still afford to support me in my dream nakakahiya kasi. Papa's getting oldMama's  too tiredBro still have two years in college Condo being paid up. Bills adding up. Me being the eldest need to help them right? That's what a child must do after he/she finished studies, to give back what they give u. Utang na loob kumbaga. It is a selfish act if i'll ask them what i want to do intead of doing what they want me to do?? I dont know. Di ko na alam gagawin ko. Too young to felt thisHelp. Sometimes i wish I can reborn So that ill never be what i am now.Weak ko kasi. Hayyyy sana sana may nakakarinig sakin. Tapos tutulungan nya ko. Pra tapos na. Para ok na. 

"Look good. Feel great"

Hey!Today was the first day of training sa watson, bayad tong araw na to hihi. Anways. Prang orientation lang nmn knina. History etc. hmmm naaexcite ako but natatakot dn hehe. Sympre first job so parang kabado huhu. ang dameng rules kailangang sundin, ung values nila ni isa dun parang wala ako. Pero ok lng kc ang nass isip ko, kaya ako nandito pra alisin ung takot ko. Para matutunan ko ung mga nde ki alam. Sana. Sana maging masaya ako sa watson. Sana tlaga. Ps: fuckin' hate dat we need to wear make up. Huhuhu deym.

Hey. So it's been what? 4 days since naging rehistradong parmasyotiko ako. At until now p rn nagsi-sink in skn un! Haha. Di ko talaga akalain nakakayanin ko. Ganto kasi yan, actually sobrang takot ako mag-board exam sympre natatakot bumagsak! I have this dilemma kc, na twing may examination akong ggwn eh ang reault lgng nega!!

I remember pa, entrance exam ko nun sa pinaka dream university ko!! As in! Edi aun nga nag-exam! Tapos di pinalad!! Sobrang na-down ako nun. Eh nadalian lng nmn ako. Hayyy.. Tapos eto pa! Sa school kc nmn may pharmsem na tintwag prang preboards ba, sympe gnwa kk rn lahat ng makakaya ko! Tapos di ulet pinalad! Aun na summer grad tuloy ako!! And again, na-down nnmn ako. So for me iniiisip ko lahat ng failures ko, lahat connected sa examination!! So eto si ate girl nyu sobrang kaba sa parating na boards!! 

During review nmn, nkkng ako minsan pag trip k ung lecturer pag nde tulog! Me recorder nmn kc ako, so aun twing after review pinapakinggan k lng ung mga records ko, un na nga ung soundtrip ko eh... Oo nung una medyo masipag ako. Gawa notes, paskil sa dingding etc!! Kaso nung nalaman kong na-move ung exam. Ay teh! Tinamad ako!! Haha. Sb k mtgal p! Chill muna. So aun. Hanggang nung nag-mock km, d ako nag-aral nun as in! Sb ko! Dedepende ko s score ko ng mock ung pagrereview ko! Hahaha. Edi un mehn! 45 lang nkhha ko s mock!! Haha nakktwa! Edi aun after mock nagreview n ulet ako! Nde heavy review eh. Ung chill lng. Bsta kc for me dapat di matatapos ang araw n di ako nagbubuklat ng reviewers!! Ganun ba!! Tapos aun pag maggu-group tanungan km wala k masagot! Hahaha nkakaloka! So napressure ako! Sb shet dame ng alam ng mga frends ko! Ayaw ko nmn maiwan! So mga 2 weeks before exam todo aral n ko! Focus ako sa pinaka hirap akong module... Den sinsbay n rn nmn ung pagpunta sa mga smbhan. (Sb kc punta k daw ng 9church before exam) aun. Nakumplto nmn nmin. 

Den aun n nga, 1 day before exam. Pacop n lng bnbsa ko. Sobrang kabado ko nun!!! Sa sobrang kaba ko pa nga nalaglag ako sa hagdan!! Na-miss k ung last step habng pababa ako edi aun tumama ung tuhod ko! And mehn!! Sobrang sakit!!! Hirap ako mklakad!! Ang unang pumasok sa isip ko "luh lord! Mag-eexam p ko bukas!" edi aun. Sobrang sakit pero after ma-hot compress umok-ok na. Pero hirap p rn ako maglakad! Sb ko sa srli ko "bka sign to n lord wag n daw ako mag-exam! Baka babagsak ako, Indianin ko kaya? Naisip ko" haha!! Pero nde k naindyan kc hinatid ako ng mama ko! So aun. Go n lng. Sb ko.  Wala nmn sa tuhod ung utak ko. So G na! And mehn! Ung room ko 5th flr!! Naakkaloka!! Bute naakyat ko! (Pero feeling ko naaawa ung mga nakakita skn nun eh haha) anyways aun every before during and after exam nagdadasal ako! Kc sknya n lng tlga ako kumakapit! Day1 sobrang nhrapan ako sa module2 naiiyak n nga k nun eh! Pero sb ko. Geh bhala na! Aun after day1 nagpunta k st jude kht hirap ako makalakad go lang!! Den nung 2nd day, sa mod5 ako nhrapan! Langya! D k makuha ung mga computation!! Hahaha. 

Aun nga the waiting game!! Chill lang ako nanunuod n lng ako ng mga movies. Punta smbhn. Mga ganun. Den ung araw n lalabas na daw ung result eh maaga ako nagcng. Naglinis ako ng condo, nag-grocery p ko! Den tumamby ako sa clubhouse nmn gang 4:30 muni-muni lang ba. Aun mga quarter to 5 ako unakyat. So tngnan ko wala pa. Nagka-crash p ung site ng prc. Nakakaloka! So aun nagdasal muna ako ulet! Sb ko Lord, kht anu man result tatangpn ko pero sana, sana pasa! Edi aun check ko na! Letter S ako dahan dahan hahaha. Bago k tgnan ulet pumilit ako sb ko "lord sna goodnews ssbhn ko ke mama pagdating nya" and aun tinignan k na! And BOOM!!! Andun namn ko hahaha. 

Hello! Aun nga she-share ko lng ung mga Funny things/moments na nangyri skn a week before boards! 

-1 week before boards, tnwagan k lola ko sb ko "La pamisa mo nga ako pra sa exam ko" edi aun tmwag sya! Sb nya di daw nya alam kng san category ipapamisa pag sa exam so sa  "thanskgiving mass" nya daw ako pinamisa! Edi nagulat ako sabi ko "La! Bat dun? Wala pa ngang result pasasalamat na, bka isipin ni Lord pinapangunhan ko sya" aun wala ng ngwa kesyo nalagay na raw nya. (Nkkloka Nauna ung thanksgiving mass kesa sa exam!) 

 -3 days before exam, bago ako matulog sb ko "Lord give me sign if papasa ako o hinde, pakita mo s panaginip ko" alam nyu panaginip ko? Bumagsak daw ako!!! Huhuhu sobrang iyak ako nun. Nagising na ko naiyak p rn ako!! Grabee!so aun lalo ako natakot! (pero sb nla kabalgtrn daw meaning nun, pero d p rn ako naniwala baka kako ma-jinx)

-1 day before exam! Sobrang kabado ako! at sa sobrang kaba ko! Nalaglag ako sa hagdan! Whahaha katangahan! Na-miss ko ung last step! Aun tumama ung tuhod ko at sobrang sakit!! Di ako makalakad!! Nakakainis! Tnwagan ko mama ko snbi k ung nangyari skn abah ang sb lang skn "ayaw m lng ata magexam bukas eh" grabe hahha. Pero nag exam p rn ako. Salamat sa pain reliever! Pero Ika-ika p rn ako nun. Tapos 5th flr p ung room ko saklap!! Pero kinaya nmn kht walang elevator! (Kaya kaung next rph ingat ingat ha!)

-2nd day ng board exam pauwe na k nun, nkskay ako s fx! Sa unahan. Tulala lang ako kc nga iniisip ko ung nagng performnce k during exam. Kc sobrang nhrapan ako. Nagulat n lng ako ng biglang nagpagewang-gewang ung fx nmn! MUNTIKAN NA KM MABANGGA!! Owemgee tlga!! Natakot ako! "Unang pumasok sa isip ko! Luh Lord! Maggng rph pa ko weit lng!!" Hahaha. Aun! Ngaung nakapasa na ko. Twing naiisp ko ung mga nangyari a week before boards natatawa tlga ako! Tlagang ang galing ni Lord! Promise!! Tiwala lang tlga sknya! Di ka nya papabayaan! 

Hey. 

So i was scrolling in twitter, then I saw this article about mika Reyes, it's about her life till she got that golden tix. Says there na hindi sya laking super yaman, i mean nde sla super yaman. And wat really strike me about the artcle is this; Know why? Sinabi ko rin kasi yan. Still remember it pa, grade school p nga lang ata ako nun? galing kmng divisori ni mama. Den pauwe na kami nadaanan nmin ung UST. Im so amazed by the look of it. So vintage. I also smiled to my mama and said "Ma, dyan ako mag-aaral someday. Promise" and everytime na na dadaan km sa ust, i always said that to myself. Everytime. Until the day come when, i graduated from HS. And take the ustet. And failed. grabeng frustration ung narmdaman ko nun. Grabeee. First heartbreak kumabaga. Haha grabeee. UST. My dream school. 

Unlike mika, she got her want. She went to dlsu. She graduated there. She even become one of the university star. Awesome for her ryt? The article said, she really do what it takes to make it happen. 

Its not that i envy her. Its just. After reading the article, napatanung ako sa sarili ko? Bakit kaya ako di nakapasok sa dream school ko? Siguro kasi di ako ganun kapursigido? Kasipag? Di ako masydo nag-effort? O talagang hindi ako para dun. Nakakaloka kasi i really wanted sa ust and yet it didnt happen. Pero i moved nnmn na sa pagkabagsak k s entrance exam haha. Sadyang naalala k lng ung sarili ko kng gano k kamahal ang ust. Well, i can say everything happens for a reason tlga. Hayyy. Nakakaloka. University of Sto.tomasMy forever dream school. Ever. 

LAGUNA ADVENTURE 061416 Majayjay falls. -Friend sobrang lamig na tubig!! Mas malamig p s ex mo!! Jahahaha promise. Bute n lng d ako nagkasakit hehe. Enjoyed the bonding with them. Kami lng tao dun eh. Lupet. Hahaha. 

Bahay ni RizalCalamba, Laguna- went to house of rizal. So cool. Hehe tho d masydo nakaikot kc may nagsho-shooting. Hehe. Picture picture lng. The Plaza-went also to the newly build statue of rizal near their municipal hall. Literal na ang laki ni rizal whahahaha. 

#TOTD (thoughts of the day) -so finally nangyari n ung outing kuno nmn. Tho d tlga to planado. Talagang biglaang lakad will always do. Hmm medyo awkward p rn ako sknla u know that thng hehe. Perp chill lng. And den theres somethin bothering me. I really dont know why she's acting dat way. Like duh i dont need ur attention just mind urself. Dont look at me like u want my attntion. Im trying to avoid u. Cooperation naman oh. Ok. -and yeah. I enjoyed this day kht isang araw na outing lang.