anna

And Sam noticed it.

He noticed it the morning they had to leave for Germany.

“Plane’s all loaded. Tony said he’ll meet us in Berlin. Everyone ready?”

Clint groaned, “We’ve been ready since your five a.m. wake up call, Rogers.”

“Why was that necessary again?” Natasha asked.

Steve narrowed his eyes, “You know why.”

“We’re not always late, Steve. Cut us some slack and Clint - Clint don’t you dare take my spot. This is like Moscow all over again —“

Sam zoned them out because he noticed Bucky standing there. Right by the door with his hands twitching and he knew something was up.

Something that involved a really pretty girl, dragging herself in all late with heavy, sleepy eyes. You looked like you hadn’t slept all night and something about it made Sam want to laugh.

He didn’t though.

He couldn’t.

Not when you dropped your head on Bucky’s chest like that.

Sam watched as his hands stopped twitching.

“‘m so tired.”

“Yeah? Maybe you shouldn’t have stayed up so late watching those reruns,” Bucky pointed out.

You grumbled something and Bucky laughed.

“I got her bag, man.” Sam interrupted.

Bucky looked over at him and nodded.

“I got her,” he quickly said, without thinking. “Got you, right, Y/N?”

“Mhm. Got me, Buck.”

Bucky smiled and Sam noticed that smile didn’t move from his face for a long time. A good twenty minutes. He didn’t know why he was paying attention to them so much. Maybe because he knew something was there. Something good was there between them and Sam liked when his friends had good things.

Even if those good things came during a ten hour plane ride.

“Alright, so Fury set us up in this hotel across the club. Tony said it gets pretty crazy around there, so going undercover will be no problem. However, we do need to watch out for these guys,” Steve handed out some profiles. “Ex-assassins. Pretty intense. Last Fury heard of ‘em they were in Chicago doing some high intel work for —“

You walked in, yawning and took a seat right next to Bucky. To everyone else, it seemed normal. You always sat next to Bucky and you always looked like that when you did. All bright-eyed and happy. Sam just didn’t know if the team knew what that was because they were too focused on Steve.

Sam focused on you though.

Focused on the way your head fell on Bucky’s shoulder and focused on the way Bucky moved his hand so you could look at the profiles together.

“Sleep well?” Bucky murmured.

“Yeah, yeah. Missed you though.”

Sam acted like he couldn’t hear them.

Like he hadn’t heard them.

But he had and he did and he needed to talk to Steve about it because he couldn’t be the only one noticing them, right? Everyone had eyes just like he did so they must have noticed.

They must have.

At least Steve would’ve.

“There’s something going on between them,” Sam tried explaining to Steve in the middle of the market. They were in some farmers market in the middle of Berlin. “I’m telling you, man, you —“

“I know.”

“You know?”

“Yeah, Bucky’s —“ Steve sighed. “He’s tryna figure it out. Doesn’t think he deserves her.”

Sam took a sip of his coffee.

“And you haven’t tried convincing him that he does? Just - just look at em’” he nudged his head over to you.

You were walking around the market with Bucky beside you. It looked like you were trying to keep an eye out, get a good glimpse of the area surrounding the club, but really couldn’t when one of the workers stopped you. Stopped to talk about some fruit he was serving and Bucky stopped too. Wrapped his arm around you from behind and rested his chin on your shoulder.

Sam knew he had to do something when you reached out and instinctively tangled your hand in Bucky’s hair. The worker said something that made you two laugh and Bucky turned his face into your neck to stop from laughing too much. From smiling too much.

“I haven’t seen him smile like that in ages.”

“Me too,” Steve agreed.

So Sam had to do something. He had too and alright, maybe he hadn’t gone about it the right way, but it got him where he wanted and that’s all that really mattered.

Sam swore he’d never seen Bucky so pissed off before though.

“Is she getting it?” Bucky asked.

They were at that stupid club. The one that was about to get ransacked by those ex-assassin assholes if they didn’t move fast enough. Bucky was at one end of the bar while you were at the other, trying to get some code from some German guy. Sam passed by to make sure things were going smoothly.

“Yeah, she’s trying too. He won’t stop flirting with her though.”

“Flirting?”

“Yeah.”

Sam watched as Bucky’s gaze fell.

“Is she flirting back?”

“Think so. Think she’s trying to get his number and code in one go. Pretty impressive if you ask me.”

Bucky’s fist clenched and Sam mentally praised himself. He shouldn’t have because yeah, he lied, but it was harmless, okay? And just because you weren’t flirting with stupid German guy didn’t mean he couldn’t lie about it because stupid American guy wasn’t making any moves either. So, getting him a little pissed wasn’t going to hurt anybody.

Except maybe the ex-assassin assholes who walked through the door. Sam believed Bucky knocked all five of them out in less than ten minutes.

Steve didn’t even have to come in and Clint and Natasha stayed on the roof. Tony too.

No one got hurt the entire night.

Except maybe Bucky.

And you because the next morning on the plane Bucky wouldn’t speak with you.

“Hey, Buck,” you greeted. “Someone didn’t come to my room last night to watch our reruns.”

Bucky didn’t respond.

“Buck?”

You looked at him.

“Hey, Buck, I’m talking to you.”

You tugged on his sleeve and he didn’t budge.

“Grumpy,” you teased. “Grumpy, hey, we don’t take off for another 10 minutes so why don’t stop staring out the window and look at me? Hm?”

“Don’t you have some German guy to text?’ Bucky shot back. “Real shame if he didn’t hear from you before you left the country.”

Bucky wanted to scoff. He wanted to scoff so bad.

“German guy? What German guy? Buck I —“

“Can’t even reply to my text when we’re one floor apart, but you’d do long-distance with him?”

“Long-distance? Who said anything about long distance and what German guy?”

You waited for him to say something and he didn’t.

“What German guy, Buck? And would you stop grumbling things under your breath and just look at me? Please.”

Your hand went to his jaw and you turned it to face you.

Bucky removed your hand from his skin.

You sighed and a part of you wanted to be irritated, it really did, but he was just upset. He looked really upset and you didn’t want to make him more upset, so you didn’t push. Not too much anyway but there was still a misunderstanding and you needed to fix it.

Now. You needed to fix it now.

So you got up and took a seat on his lap. Right on his thigh and rested your back on the window.

“That isn’t safe.”

You wrapped your arms around his neck, “Pretty sure I’m safer here than there. Don’t ya think?”

Bucky didn’t say anything.

You held back a grin.

“Now how about you tell me what’s got you all grumpy? Hm? I can see that little crinkle on your forehead and you know —“ you smoothed it out with your thumb. “You know how much I don’t like that.”

“Y/N…”

“I can’t fix it if you don’t talk to me, Buck. Communication, remember?”

He remembered.

“You could’ve told me you wanted to…see other people. I know we aren’t together and I know it’s stupid that I’m being like this and if you want to be with German guy than —“

“What German guy?”

Bucky looked away from you.

“What German guy, Buck? There was…is no German guy. There’s no one but —“

“That guy from the club. The one you were flirting with.”

You were taken aback for a moment and stayed quiet. Really, you didn’t know why you stayed as quiet as you did for as long as you did, but Bucky must’ve thought that he was right when you did. That your silence was an I caught you moment because he started moving you off his lap. Started unwrapping your arms from around his neck but you stayed put.

“I wasn’t flirting with him. I would never —“

Bucky scoffed.

And you’d be mad, you really would, but he was just hurt. He was hurt so you leaned forward and nudged your nose against his cheek. Against his stubble.

“Hey, grumpy, don’t do that. You know I’d only flirt with you.”

“Sam said —“

“And Sam jokes a lot. What makes you think he wasn't joking?”

Bucky didn’t say anything.

“You really think I’d do that to you?”

Bucky sighed, “No, no I know you wouldn’t. I guess it just —”

Sam cleared his throat and Bucky’s head shot to him. There was a smug grin on his face and Bucky immediately went, “I’m gonna kill him.”

“No you’re not.”

“I am. I can’t believe he would...you really...“

And he didn’t have to continue for you to know what he wanted to say. You really didn’t flirt with him? You really didn’t want him? It was written all over his face and all you had to do was tighten your arms around his neck. Card your fingers through the back of his hair for him to get the message.

His head fell on your chest.

“I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

“Am crazy about you, darlin’,” he looked up at you. “Just thought I lost you before I could make you mine.”

You stopped breathing.

“You wanna be mine, right?”

You blinked for a few seconds then pushed him back into the seat, kissing him a little too hard. Yeah, grumpy, I wanna be yours, you squeaked out because you were that excited. That giddy and Bucky laughed against your lips. Laughed and pressed his lips against that beautiful smile of yours even harder because he’d only been dreaming about kissing you like this for months. You even wanted to add that you’ve wanted to be his, well, since the first time you caught him watching reruns of that stupid baking show you always turned off.

Because to you it was too intense and fast and your life was already like that. Already too chaotic, but to Bucky it was calming. He found it calming so you started watching it with him.

She didn’t even leave it in the freezer long enough. How did she expect it to hold itself together? It’s chocolate, not glue, you’d always say. Always go on some tangent and Bucky really liked it. Found you funny and comforting and it really could've just been your voice. Your voice was sweet and smooth, but it wasn’t just that. It was you and all of you and he fell in love with all of it.

All of you.

Just like you fell in love with him when he rested his head on your shoulder and fell asleep right between you one night.

“Got me, Y/N?”

“Got you, Buck.”

So, the kiss felt like that. Like sleepy nights and baking shows and home and just everything good.

Sam could tell.

After all, he liked when his friends had good things.

“You don’t talk much, do you?”

His gaze fell, “Not much to say.”

“I find that hard to believe.”

And you pushed him a lot to do so. Always asked him about the 40s and what he was like. You remembered asking if he was just as quiet then as he was now and Steve laughed from across the room saying, “You’re kidding right, Y/N? Buck was a real smooth talker.”

So, you teased him about that often. He didn’t like it, always said something about not being that guy anymore.

You reminded him that he could be any guy he wanted.

So, yeah, Bucky wasn’t a man of many words, but you two got close.

“I know you stole the remote, Buck.”

He circled around the kitchen counter, walking away from you.

“Is it because you don’t want to watch that Disney movie with me? I know you secretly like it and —“

“I don’t have the remote, Y/N.”

“Oh, yeah? Then what’s that hanging out of your pocket?”

You saw that little grin form on his face and you hurried forward and grabbed it before he could say another word.

He chased after you.

Then there were those times where he did thoughtful little things. Where he let his heart show through that thick wall of his and it made you realize just how much he spoke without speaking.

“Did you guys drink all the coffee again? Really? Does no one —“

Bucky handed you a cup.

“Two sugars, right?”

“Yeah and —“

“A dash of cream.”

That was until he added salt into your coffee one morning.

“We ran out of sugar!” he defended.

“So you added salt? Buck, that’s —“ you eyed him. “You did it on purpose, didn’t you?”

He took a sip of his coffee.

“Oh, you’re getting brave. I can —“

You grabbed his coffee and headed straight for your room.

He chased after you again.

So, yeah you two got close.

Bucky wasn’t a man of many words, but you two still got close.

He never let his walls down completely though. Never enough to let you know what he was feeling anyway, if he was hurt. It didn’t bother you so much until you realized he was always hurt, always hurting and that stung a little too much.

“Buck…can you let me in? Please?”

“We can talk tomorrow, Y/N.”

You sighed, standing outside his door.

“I don’t wanna talk tomorrow. I wanna…we don’t have to talk at all, Buck. I just wanna be with you right now.”

No response.

“Please?”

You’ll want to talk anyway, you practically heard and you sighed because it was true.

You knew you’d ask him a bunch of questions and Steve already told you — he already told you that Bucky liked his space. That he got distant sometimes when the world got too much or people got too much for him. Sometimes his mind got too much and Bucky wanted a break. You slid down against his door and sat there for ten minutes hoping for a change of heart.

You weren’t leaving though.

“Hey, Buck, how about this?”

You continued when he didn’t respond. You knew he was listening.

“How about we create a system? One that doesn’t involve you talking or me asking. It can just be...our thing. It can our thing, Buck.”

Nothing.

“And we don’t have to do it all the time. Just when we need to. When I need to know things and you don’t feel like giving. Think you’ve already given too much, don’t ya think?”

Nothing again.

You sighed.

But then you heard the door open and you fell back a little. Bucky looked down at you, what system? his eyes read and you patted the ground in front of you, signaling for him to sit.

He sat.

“Okay so, two taps anywhere like this,” you pressed your fingers against the back of his hand twice. “Means you’re okay. That you’re fine. Three taps, however,” you pressed three times against his skin. “Means you’re not. That you’re not okay.”

He stared at your hands.

“And I don’t have to explain why?”

“Never, Buck. Not unless you want to.”

You tapped him four times.

“What’s that?”

“Four taps means you miss me.”

Bucky got up.

“Aw, c’mon Buck. Humor me a little!”

You didn’t miss the little grin on his face.

Somehow you thought he’d give you two taps just for that comment.

Bucky wasn’t a man of many words, so he liked the system.

He first used it three days after it was created.

He’d woken up and strolled in for his first cup of coffee. Wasn’t the least bit surprised when he found you already there, cup ready in hand with eggs to match because coffee isn’t breakfast, Buck. He’d usually argue about it. Coffee’s the only breakfast, he’d say, but he didn’t have that in him today.

Maybe it was because he hadn’t come out of his room in three days. Or maybe it was because you hadn’t said anything to him yet, but Bucky didn’t argue. He just found himself tapping your hand twice when he reached for the cup.

You grinned.

Bucky liked that.

And you found that was the one he used the most.

Two taps.

Two taps whenever he went off to bed. Two taps when you played that Godforsaken Disney movie for the 5th time that week. Two taps when Thor made some stupid comment about wars during dinner one night.

It was two taps.

Always two taps.

So you were more than a little surprised when your first three taps came.

It was right after a mission. A long one. One that Steve had gotten hurt on because Bucky hadn’t gotten there fast enough. It wasn’t his fault though. Wasn’t anyone’s fault because everyone was too preoccupied with the bad guys at hand to notice the knife coming for Steve’s left side. Bucky took the blame though. Beat himself up about till he got into the jet.

The words were on the tip of your tongue, are you okay? You wanted to say it. Wanted everyone to say it because how could they not notice?

You didn’t though.

Instead you sat next to him and waited for him to say something, anything. At some point, you felt yourself giving up and drifting off until you felt his hand on your thigh.

He squeezed it three times.

You rested your head on his shoulder.

Then there was that time you left for six days. Fury had you and Natasha assigned to some undercover mission in London for the next six days. It took the whole six days, while the boys jetted off to New Orleans to deal with some asshole causing a ruckus in the city.

They came back in two.

“Buck!” you shouted, waking through the compound and dropping your bag at the front door.

“Buck, I’m back! Where are —“ you grinned, finding him resting at the bar stool in the kitchen. He was reading some file and you dropped your head onto his shoulder from behind.

“Hey, Buck. Miss me?”

He stopped.

“No? Ouch, well, I missed you,” you turned your head, kissing his cheek. “Look, I even brought you back a keychain. Nothing fancy. Just has a cat waving the British flag and when I saw it, I thought of you. The cat looks grumpy.”

Bucky didn’t say anything and you removed your head from his shoulder. He must be really into the file, you thought and you didn’t want to bother him so you left the keychain on the table and turned around to head to your room.

Bucky grabbed you and tapped your waist four times.

You launched yourself at him and covered his face with a series of kisses. Everywhere. Anywhere you could reach and each one was followed by a string of  I knew it, I knew it, I knew it’s.

Bucky never wanted to use the four taps again.

Except he did. All the time.

Bucky wasn’t a man of many words, but he thinks he was starting to fall for you.

Because he did four taps whenever you left the room for too long. And when Steve briefed them for too long that one time about some mission, Bucky found himself tapping your leg four times even though you were right there.

Right there. You were right there.

He even recalled nudging his nose against yours four times when you fell asleep on him during that damn Disney movie the previous week.

“Miss you,” he mumbled.

But it was okay because when you woke up the next morning, you nudged your nose against his cheek four times.

Bucky woke up with a bright gleam in his eyes.

“What was that for?” he asked.

“Missed you, obviously.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, Buck.”

And then there came a time where Bucky decided he wanted to create a new one.  A new tap.

Bucky wasn’t a man of many words, but he knows he finally found love.

“Sweetheart, damn, can you slow —“

Because you were stuffing popcorn in his mouth. You were laying in front of him, in between him to be more exact, and throwing popcorn behind like it was nothing.

Most of it didn’t even make it into his mouth.

“Shh, this is the best part.”

“You say that everytime. We’ve seen this movie a —“

“Shh, Buck!”

Bucky laughed and pulled you up so you were closer to his chest. It wasn’t anything special that made him realize it. Thinks it was the familiarly and the comfortability that made him put the pieces together, but Bucky leaned down and pressed his lips against your hair three times. Just three and that was enough for you to tear your eyes away from the screen and look up at him.

“Buck?”

He didn’t say anything.

“Did I throw too much popcorn again? You know I get excited when Lucifer gets on screen. He reminds me so much of —“

Bucky tightened his arm around you and tapped his thumb against your stomach once.

You knitted your brows.

“One? Buck, one doesn’t mean anything. We don’t have —“

“One means I love you.”

“What?”

“One tap means I love you. It means I love you, Y/N.”

It took a few seconds for your brain to register but once it did you jumped up in his lap and turned to face him. Bucky's sure the popcorn bowl had spilled all over the floor, but he didn’t care. Not when his girl looked at him like that and leaned in to kiss him like that too. So fiercely and full of love.

“Okay, okay, baby! I said one tap.”

“One tap gets you a million kisses each time.”

“Mhm. I’m okay with that.”

You giggled, I know you are, you mumbled against him and kissed him a little harder. He felt brighter, more happy and he knew he wasn’t one to say much, but his eyes always did and that was enough for you to pull back for a quick second before leaning in to give him one, long, seething kiss.

One kiss.

And at that moment, Bucky knew the kind of guy he wanted to be.