your breath i breathe in

Got to fly the big boi last night.

Today I felt a joy that I haven’t felt recently. I was energized by others. I was goofy in meetings, I was goofy to the nurse that took my blood pressure, I was goofy to my doctor, I was goofy to the phlebotomist, I was bouncing around at the grocery store like a ding dong. What brought this joy about? More importantly, what’s been keeping it from coming forth?

I’ve been thinking about leaving my job of 7 years, moving somewhere warmer, and becoming a yoga teacher. Honestly, I think I am wasted in a work from home corporate environment. Focusing on websites and sales and bullshit where you don’t really get to connect with anyone meaningfully. I feel so much better around people. I don’t think I’ve ever said this or written it, but I kind of love being the center of attention. I mean, anyone who knows my deep love for my birthday could probably tell you that.

I’m worried about not having money and health insurance, and that I’m ~old~ now and too used to having the luxury of my own apartment and buying anything I need and most of what I want any time it suits me. But damn, it’d be so fun to teach yoga. Yogis are fucking cool. I would know. Or, what if I just worked at a national park, bussing tables at some restaurant? Less stress, more active use of my body, no fucking SCREENS to waste my eyes away on.

Today, the CEO from Barnes and Noble flew in from London to visit our HQ. Our CEO told us last week that while Barnes and Noble purchased our company in June of last year, we are now officially a subsidiary of B&N, and we will be working together much more now.

So this afternoon, the B&N CEO addresses the company in a town hall format, and then we break into smaller groups for Q&A. My group was just the E-comm team and 2 members of IT that we work closely with. Our CEO and our boss (the CMO) were also there. Everyone takes turns introducing themselves and talking about their jobs. The whole time, the B&N CEO is writing in his notebook, nodding. I introduce myself, explaining that my primary responsibilities were using HTML to create the homepage, category landing pages, and custom landing pages. When I finish, he stops writing, looks at me and says “You do a great job.” I grabbed my heart and gasped, everyone (including him) laughed and it was truly amazing. He didn’t make a comment to anyone else in the group, just me. I am still smiling— it was so incredible. I didn’t even know what HTML stood for when I started mid-2019, and now this guy, a CEO of 3 companies worth $5 million commented positively on my work the moment he met me.

2.14.22

The best day of the year so far. Sara and I flew 6 tours of Chicago. It was cold and amazing and I feel so lucky.