anmaeli

He has low self esteem in book one, cause the Dursleys treated him like nobody. He’s utterly devoted to his friends cause he’s never experienced love. How loving he is is actually super touching. Hogwarts seems amazing to him not so much because of the magic but because there’s so much food and love and friendly people and he’s assumed to belong there and to be worthy of inclusion!

He investigates things on his own or with the few friends he trusts, rather than going to teachers or asking for help, because no adults have helped him in life so far. He’s survived the Dursleys because he relied on himself. Authority figures are not to be trusted. Remember when Umbridge is torturing him with that quill? He just treats it as a private contest between himself and Umbridge. Ron and Hermione are appalled, and Hermione tells him to go to McGonnagal. But Harry has been set up to internalize abuse and assume no help will come. And because of his experiences with abuse he pays attention to where the real power lies. Cause that’s where the real threat is. He’s right that Umbridge has more power than McGonnagal, and more even than Dumbledore. When Dumbledore is called upon to protect Harry from Umbridge, Dumbledore does, but at the cost of his own job. And then he’s not there to protect anyone else after that.

Harry’s a very good example of someone whose ptsd is an asset in some ways, cause he often has the right insticts at dealing with actual danger. He’s very skilled.

For instance, he’s very tuned in to signs of danger and he always takes them seriously. This is partly why Hogwarts seems so dangerous to us (I mean, also cause it is, but this is partly why). The idea that Snape could be working for Voldemort? The worst is always possible! The idea that McGonnagal is gonna hit him with a wooden stick? The idea that he’s gonna be expelled any time in the first book? The idea that he’s gonna die on this detention in the forbidden forest? They all seem like real threats, but if Voldemort hadn’t been back, that detention would have been fine, and McGonnagal put him on the quidditch team instead of hitting him, and he was never gonna get expelled. Some of the sense of urgency and danger is just Harry being hypervigilent.

More examples:

The idea that the mermaids are gonna drown Hermione and Fleur if the time runs out in the second task?

The idea that he needs to go into the Chamber of Secrets instead of telling a teacher?

The idea that Voldemort had Sirius in the department of Mysteries?

Harry sometimes gets it wrong and sometimes gets it right, but he always assumes that any danger is real and reacts as though it’s the worst case scenario. And when it is the worst case scenario, that serves him well.

That’s a mentality that comes from growing up with the Dursleys, because the worst frequently did happen and Harry had to watch out for danger all the time. Which leads to hypervigilence.

People sometimes think he’s stupid for not realizing the second task wasn’t going to kill anyone, for instance. But it’s just his ptsd - he’s primed to go into fight or flight at any time.

It’s also why he has that “saving people thing.” He’s suffered, so he is empathic to suffering. He doesn’t want people to suffer.

And he’s had bad things happen around him, so he’s ready for the worst to happen to other people too. And he’s never had anyone save him, so he doesn’t think anyone else will jump in and save the day. And he’s had people be bystanders of abuse to him all his life, so he won’t be that.

So he’ll jump in and save people. It’s a strong urge.

He’s also used to suffering himself and thus will internalize a lot before going to anyone for help. Remember when he was fourteen and felt embarrassed that he wanted someone like a parent to write to about a murderer possibly being back (his scar hurting)? He wrote to Sirius.

He was embarrassed. In his own head. For wanting to have an adult he could confide in. At 13.

And when he was fifteen and had just seen someone murdered? He yelled at Ron and Hermione a lot. Lots of people have trouble with that too and find him over the top.

But they’re his family. He doesn’t have any adults to yell at. (He does eventually yell at Dumbledore). He only confides in Sirius that one time, and then realizes that could put Sirius in danger and stops.

Harry’s also very snarky and sarcastic and he loves his friends a lot and he’s very determined and stubborn. And he has a huge amount of love and appreciation for good things - time at the Weasleys, jokes, good food, love and friendship. He appreciates it so damn much. It breaks my heart and makes me love him.