Anya Belikova

@lostgabi

Don’t smile, Don’t smile Ivan – you are not supposed to be Happy that your sister broke up with her boyfriend! He kept repeating this to himself in his head, but he could still feel the corner of his lips turning up as she continued. It didn’t help him hold back his smile when she started to blush, and he wondered if he had met someone more adorable.

“ You know… if you had wanted to spend more time with him I would have understood – right?” Yeah, he would have understood – meaning he would have told her everything was fine before going to go have a smoke. He reached up and made her look up at him.” You don’t think we are to close, do you, Anya?”

“I know that Vanya, but you see... that’s part of the problem. I didn’t want  to spend more time with him—it wasn’t enjoyable at all.” Chewing at the corner of her lip, she glanced up at him, trying to ignore the way her stomach started fluttering the moment he touched her. “He didn’t like to do any of the things I like... we really didn’t have much in common.”

He sighed deeply, reaching down so he could take both of her hands, squeezing them tightly.” You see? That is one reason I didn’t want to tell you – because you are blaming yourself and it is not your fault.” He said before he was soon mirroring her earlier action, playing  with her fingers.

However when she said, ex-boyfriend, he double taked. “Wait… what? When did you break up? He did not hurt you did he? — I am looking for a reason to punch him.” He admitted before letting out another defeated sigh,  staring at their fingers and letting her touch sooth him. “ I was scared if I told you that you would break up with him – and even though I did want that, I did not want you giving up your happiness for me..”

“A few days ago... and sorry, but no—he didn’t hurt me in the slightest. That was a part of the whole problem... being with him was starting to seem more and more like a chore. I didn’t enjoy his company at all,” she admitted, frowning. “He was arrogant and boring and... well, I just didn’t like spending time with him. He was always nagging me about...” 

She was attempting to hide her hurt, and it probably would have worked – if it had been anyone but him. He threw his cigarette  on the ground and reached up, stroking her cheek gently with his thumb. It was a few moments that he just stared into her eyes in silence – he could see the pain there, and it killed  him.” I do not like Grigori; the fact you are with him makes  me want to crawl out of my skin.”

Her eyes widened in surprise—his answer was the last  thing in the world she expected to hear. Reaching for his other hand, she played with his fingers—an absent minded gesture made while she tried to still her racing thoughts. “You... you are telling me that you are doing this horrible, ridiculous thing... because of me? You are smoking because you don’t like my boyfriend? Or... well... ex-boyfriend, but that’s completely beside the point.”

Crud — Why hadn’t he seen that coming? He stopped and leaned against one of the stone walls of their house and sighed. Maybe he could get away with a half truth? But even that made his stomach turn.” No, because the reason is my problem , not yours — and if I tell you then you will do what you always do, give up your happiness for me and I will not let you do that.”

Crossing her arms over her chest, her eyes dropped to the ground—an attempt to hide her face until she could mask the hurt she felt. Never before had he kept secrets or held her at arms length.  “We’ve always shared  our problems before, Ivan,” she said softly, chewing at the corner of her lip, “it is part of the reason we are so close... yes? If you want me to be happy  then you are going about it the wrong way—I hate you distancing yourself from me like this... it really, really hurts.”

He offered her a small smile, knowing that she was trying, but then he slowly shook his head. “Not sure if that will work Anka, it will help with  my habit, but it would be like – “ He thought of  a way to explain it best.” Squishing a bee but not destroying the hive. It does not resolve the cause of the problem.”

Frowning, she studied him for a moment, her brow crinkling with worry; she didn’t like the thought of him being troubled by something—or the fact he hadn’t confided in her, asking for advice. “So then tell me what the problem is, cub... and we can come up with a solution together. That’s what I’m here for, right? Helping you and giving you advice...”

Ivan sighed, not turning to look at her as he let out a long stream of smoke from his lips.” Maybe, but you also know how I hate the habit – but it is not exactly something I can magically make go away.” He says that it was Jessica cheating on him that made him pick up the habit – but he never pointed out that his  sister started dating Orlov a little while after that.

“You could ask Uncle Ree to help—maybe  he could... like... plant a subliminal message  in your head. He could make you hate the  taste of them—convince you they taste like  Mama’s cooking,” she suggested, flashing him  a grin. “Add that to my bitching about it and I  bet you beat the habit in no time at all, yes?”