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i love talking to my girlfriend about her intrusive thoughts because what do you mean you’re worried i’m cheating on you with my friend who i frankly couldn’t imagine naked if i tried

Clavicular the Bone Smasher is a great name for a mad max driver who instantly dies in a firey wreck

“Lee Cronin” sounds like how you say “The Mummy” in french

i think maybe the most disgusting thing i’ve ever experienced was that time i ate someone out and found a fingernail clipping in his bush. that was really horrible. sorry for sharing

captions should be at the top of the screen and not the bottom

once i was walking down the street and there was a guy on the next corner with a clipboard so i preloaded my response so i wouldn’t have to slow down. and instead of saying any of the normal things he just pointed at me and said “radiohead” and i said “not today sorry” and kept walking. why did he say that to me

i can’t believe i was invited to an orgy and my high school nemesis is on the guest list. i fucking hate portland