AnimaPoetry

I find myself falling again

In a twisted roulette of time

Wondering if enough has passed

To land steady on my feet

Or if the ground beneath me will crumble

And leave me to never land at all

Will my eyes meet the view in which he looks out at

Or keep looking downwards

Is the racing of my heartbeat one of love forming

Or a desperate attempt to remind myself of the calm

I miss the tranquility

And yet I lust for the chase

I wish for love

Even when I’m staring it in the face

I continue to fall

And you aren’t there to catch me

But his arms are open wide

Were they true? Were they false? All we knew how to do was lie

About what we did, Who we were

Just a bunch of fragments of time

Those shards scarred my skin

And though you was the one who created the design

I can't help but feel responsible for the carving

I cover up and hide

Through time i learned whats just

Isn’t always what's right

Sometimes it just felt easier to trust

That all you wanted was to make things bright

So why does everything i touch

One forged from mis-directed attention, 

fed by a low self esteem. 

A want to be needed, 

instead of being wanted. 

What if what I want isn’t what I dream,

but the thing I never needed? 

I can’t believe that’s true, 

when all I needed was you. 

But you became the air I would breathe, 

so why did I begin to suffocate?

I think I’ve been here before. Yet every single time I find myself back in these hollow of walls mine, they seem less familiar. Paintings of the past slowly covered by the new, and what I hope to be the future. Is this how letting go feels? My memories still remain and yet they feel less fresh, no longer a harsh reminder of what could’ve been, but a subtle salute to how I got to where I am today. Sure the base remains the same but the light that creeps in through the window is a different shade now. The hazy blue replaced by a solemn orange glow. A reminder that I will wake up to a new tomorrow, no longer confined to the pain I endured, It able to take a new form now into something that stems from the hope I find within me. It’s rising, blossoming into a new beginning.

Some days I try to forget, thinking that to truly move on I need to leave these walls behind and build some new ones afresh. But as time moves so do I. And these walls I’ve grown to love move with me. The paintings look different now, and maybe they are. But the foundations they hang on will always stay the same, no matter how much I change.

-AnimaPoetry

I wrote this about a year and a half ago and posted it on an old account, but I really love it to this day so thought I’d post it on here :)

In my memory, you were the sun. A warm glow emitting from each gesture you would make, shining on each person you would meet. Your smile igniting a light in my chest, even from how far you stood. Those eyes that spoke all the words you wouldn’t dare say aloud, looking my way like you knew I could hear them. A fire ablaze in them sure, but the crackle hidden beneath the flames was soft.

In my memory, I was the moon. Longing to be seen, Though the intricacies of my shell only visible through your light.

We didn’t realise it then, but me standing by your side as you shone, I carried away some of your light with me. Only later, when I saw you standing alone, I realised you were dimmed by what I left behind. You blinded me, and in the beauty of being seen, I lost sight of what I was truly looking at.

In the end, you became a setting sun, allowing me to rise, and the line between you and I begun to blur.

I want you back. But I don’t want you. The light I took will return to you with open arms, and I know you can shine again.

-AnimaPoetry

(Side note, every poem I write is in first person and always, ALWAYS starts with me referring to myself and it’s getting on my nerves)