The Vexation Vault

Here I am again, back in this same hole, dug by my own hands. From this depth, I can see the fruits of the trees that once surrounded me,fruits that, back then, were invisible to me. And as I gaze and wallow in my fate, my own weight makes me slide even deeper, until nothing remains but the sky. My heart fills with spleen, longing to return to the world the very first gift I was ever given.

Deep inside my heart, I have an intense fear that I am, in fact, just like my father; that my heart and brain are rotten with lust and dopiness...something unbearable and unshakable that will follow me to the grave.

Sometimes, I aspire to be like those female characters who enter a morose man's life, shaking him up, changing him radically, and making him see the world through a kaleidoscope. But reality catches up with me, and I realize that the only part of the Manic Pixie Dream Girl I actually possess is the 'manic' part,and that I’m much closer to that morose man than I am to her.

Yet another day spent sharing my time on this Earth with a man who leads me to question my very integrity