why make me complete?

the failure(s); the many loves of the vampire lestat

The thing is, I know where the tendency comes from - it’s easy to focus on Crowley’s way of showing affection (aka acts of service) more since it’s more visible at first sight, more obvious to an outsider. But some people tend to follow this fact with the conclusion that it’s therefore stronger than Aziraphale’s way of showing affection for some reason. And. I can’t help but think that it’s pretty unfair to Aziraphale’s struggles. Because he not only has different ways of showing affection than Crowley to begin with, but also is much more repressed and conflicted about their relationship than Crowley is. (And Crowley knows it! That’s the point, Crowley remembers Heaven, he was there once. He’s patient because he understands.)

Aziraphale’s way of showing affection is less visible for people on the outside and much more intimate. It’s easy to underestimate how hard it is to leave your comfort zone for someone, which is what he does all the time, because it’s less showy. But it’s not right. And if someone wants to feel sorry for Crowley for having to be patient then it only seems to be fair to also feel sorry for Aziraphale for being so torn between Crowley and Heaven. But that’s the best part - for both of them commitment to the relationship comes with a price, but they still choose to do it anyway. Over the years they really learned each other, even if Aziraphale won’t admit to it and instead will say “I am an angel, you are a demon”. He’s not stupid. They both understand each other’s language and know what certain things mean.

Someone on here (I’ll be damned if I remember where I read it, sorry) described their dynamic as Aziraphale inviting Crowley to invite him and it’s so accurate. That’s exactly what he does, not because he’s too lazy/reluctant/whatever to commit, but because he’s too conflicted with himself to make a direct move. But instead he lets Crowley know that if Crowley asks, he will say yes and it’s So Important. Because Aziraphale seems passive when in reality he makes a huge effort to dance around all his dilemmas. And the fact that Crowley doesn’t have those dilemmas doesn’t make them any more valid.

Their relationship is difficult to quantify because it’s 6000 years old. They don’t need to guess anymore, they know each other, and the thing is, Crowley isn’t stupid. Tempting people is literally his job. But to be able to tempt people you have to be able to read people. 

Crowley knows full well that Aziraphale wants to spend time with him. He knew that when Aziraphale chose to take part in the Arrangement. He knew that when Aziraphale gave him the Holy Water. When Azirphale didn’t abandon him after he delivered the Antichrist. When they drink and dine and meet up together. That’s Aziraphale’s language of love: time. He has a literal limitless supply.

Crowley even takes his glasses, his barrier to the world, off around Aziraphale. That does not indicate someone who’s insecure about their angel friend being scared off by reminders of their demonic essence. Crowley is absolutely not insecure in his relationship (however you define it) with Aziraphale. 

What we see on screen with the ‘we can run away together’ and trying to go to Alpha Centauri is not insecurity that Aziraphale doesn’t love him, it’s sheer panic that they have to act now and if they don’t they are going to die along with the whole of Earth because he fucked up. 

That’s not an ‘I’m scared he doesn’t love me’ reaction, that’s a ‘we are going to die and need to get away now’ reaction. Crowley is terrified, [and to be honest, if I’d just double-crossed and lied to Satan’s face for eleven years, I’d be pretty scared too], and all he’s thinking is ‘we need to  go.’

But the thing is, whatever pain he felt, he worked through it a long time ago. Every plan to force the issue, he abandoned because he knew it wasn’t right. Every argument, even the big one in the 1860s, they eventually made their peace and moved forward.

Crowley’s peace with it all, his patience, is so absolutely clear in his reaction to the “get three behind me foul fiend!” comment.

He isn’t hurt, or angry or surprised. There’s no sting to it. There’s a weariness there (oh this shit again *yawn*) but also an amusement (oh this shit again.. ha! You are cute when you lie, angel- you really think you believe this shit don’t you? You silly thing…). He’s just rolling with the punches and seems content to keep doing so until Aziraphale works it through.

And that’s the difference between a normal, human slow burn and the Ineffable 6,000 Year Slow Burn.

The regrets, the ticking clock on human relationships, comes from the possibility of missed opportunities. How many of those can you truly say there are when both parties are immortal?

There will always be another sunset to watch together, another restaurant to dine at. There will be more ducks to feed.

It does make you wonder what the real regrets would be. Things like, “I wish we could have shared the view from the walls of Troy.”

"Sometimes entertainment is an overrated function of art. Sometimes being made uncomfortable is the point. Sometimes being repulsed by something is the point."

ohhhh i'm sure...