The Socially Embedded Obsession With Looks
-By Andrea GuĂ°mundsdĂłttir
They say that living abroad and experiencing cultural differences opens up your eyes to your own culture and socially embedded structures more than anything else. I have only lived abroad for three years but during that time I have travelled continents and come in contact with people of very different cultures from my own. Without a doubt these people have influenced my personality and the way I perceive things. Never have I felt the influence stronger than during this Christmas holidays when I went home after a long absence.
In this blog, I want to touch upon Icelandic womenâs obsession with their looks, from an (former) insiderâs point of view. The intension is not to insult anyone but rather to point out that our social structures are sometimes so embedded in ourselves that it blinds our perspectives of things.
During my high-school years, when I started going out and being interested in the opposite sex I became obsessed with my looks. Before every night out, I would spend 2-3 hours getting ready - taking a shower, blow-drying and straightening my hair (until my hair almost fell off) and putting on layers of make-up. I even remember the time when my best friend and I used to do make-up sessions before attending soccer games. The 2h sessions were not even enough â every 10-20 minutes we would go to the ladies room for a fix-up (which often ended badly when alcohol was involved). I mastered the art of smoky eyes and the black liquid eyeliner became my âbestieâ. My hair was almost too glossy due to the extensive amount of hair products that I used and my friends still remember me keeping a comb with me at all times and brushing through my hair in every class.
Later on, I participated in a beauty pageant and during that time gym, spa-treatments, fake-tan and gel-nails became the center of my world. My quote in the yearbook that year was: âIf you want to see me come to the gym because thatâs where Iâll live the next monthsâ. Normal to hear a 17-year old say that? Somehow the almighty did not intend this beauty world for me and made it clear when I had a serious knee-injury two-weeks before the big night. Shortly after, when this pageant thing was all over and my focus was back on my studies I remember thinking how glad I was that I got my priorities right again. Although a painful and a persistent reminder, it was a necessary one. Yet, I do not regret participating in this pageant, it actually opened up my eyes to a lot of things, especially in retrospective.
Non-Icelandic readers might now be thinking that I was the extreme case of girls going through the worst phase of adolescence. Some people might say that this is the typical fate of a teenage girl going to the only high school in Iceland with the typical American high-school stereotype image (something that only Icelandic people understand). Although I do admit that the pageant thing was extreme, the rest is actually not far from being the typical adolescence experience for many Icelandic girls. The situation even became worse with the advent of social media sites.
Moving to the Netherlands
When I moved to the Netherlands at the age of 21, I had developed my own daily routines concerning hair and make-up. My post-adolescence obsession with looks had balanced a bit but still I was washing, blow-drying and straightening my hair every day and using extensive amounts of make-up. What struck me as surprising in the Netherlands was the fact that eyebrow colouring was close to non-existing. The only possibility was to go to hair salons and ask them to dye them and that was an unusual act. I started asking the girls around me how they managed to keep their eyebrows âin a good stateâ and I quickly realized that this was a very Icelandic thing to do. It makes sense that a nation of predominantly fair, blonde people is more accustomed to eyebrow colouring but not even the blonde friends of mine in the Netherlands seemed to care.
As I developed closer friendships in the Netherlands, I increasingly heard my friends telling me to lose some of that make-up. By no means did I understand at that point in time where they were coming from telling me to use âmy natural beautyâ. Particularly strong in mind is the night that I met my one and only (Niko). Eileen, a close friend of mine, came over for a dinner beforehand and while I was getting ready she literally begged me to look more natural. She even convinced me to go in flats vs. heels, something thatâs common in the Netherlands but a social suicide in Iceland. Wearing barely no make-up (in my opinion) and flats and after biking in the rain, I arrived at the club feeling not like my âtrue selfâ (ironic huh?). As the night went on and Niko started a conversation with me, I started regretting more and more that I let Eileen trick me into this ânon-senseâ. I didnât even realize that Niko was interested in me - not my clothes or make-up. As we started dating, he even came up with the so-called No Make-Up Rule. Of course I didnât follow that rule, I had to impress him :) Then I met the in-laws for the first time, and the first question that Nikoâs mom asked was whether this dark-chocolate hair colour was my natural colour. His dad even mentioned to him that he thought I looked better at the breakfast table than after all my make-up sessions. Since then, they often joke about having the No Make-Up Rule in their house.
Recently, I feel that I have changed in terms of appearance. Iâve started to get back to my natural hair colour, my daily make-up is much lighter, I donât wash my hair every day and I hardly use the straightening iron. At the same time, I increasingly hear critical voices - especially from Icelanders - that I look paler.     Â
The cherry on the top and the reason why I wanted to write this blog is an incident that occurred this holiday season. A close family member came over for a family dinner between Christmas and New Years. The story goes something like this: That same afternoon, I was downtown meeting one of my best friends for a brunch and on my way home mom asked me to pick up few things from the supermarket. Thus, I was home just in time for their arrival. All the family members were looking extremely fancy â the ladies in heels and the boys in a shirt with a bow tie. For some reason, it didnât even occur to me that I was underdressed. First of all, I had already prepared myself nicely for the brunch downtown (it was not like I was wearing sweatpants and no make-up). Secondly, since they were so close to me I simply felt comfortable around them and didnât have the need to âshowcase my very bestâ. Thirdly, I didnât know there was some specific dress code in my own home.
The evening was very nice: We had good food and drinks and it was wonderful to finally have time to catch up after being abroad for such a long time. However, my last evening in Iceland, I find out that apparently this particular family member felt extremely offended by my appearance that night. According to her, I was downgrading her and making her feel unwelcomed because I didnât feel the need to âput on decent clothes or even a mascaraâ. Supposedly, I always look nice except for that particular night and that was because I did not feel they were worthy enough. You can just imagine how shocked I was hearing these words, especially coming from my own family.
After this incidence, Iâve been thinking about this a lot. Never do I feel as pressured to look nicely than in Iceland. I always have the need to shop new clothes before going home, I never do full make-up for everyday situations except in Iceland and never would I go out partying without wearing a lipstick and heels. Furthermore, every visit includes a trip to the hair salon and a beauty salon where my eyebrows are waxed and coloured. I like getting these things done, donât get me wrong otherwise I wouldnât do it, but I cannot help but wonder why this obsession with looks is so embedded in the Icelandic society. By no means am I implying that physical appearance is less of importance to other women around the world. Indeed, every human being cares about his or her looks in one way or another, and make-up even dates back to Ancient Egypt. What I mean to say is that as with so many other things, Icelanders take it to the extreme.
The Socially Embedded Standards
When walking around Icelandic malls you see young teenage girls with blonde hair and thick, black eyebrows. As Niko commented so aptly: It looks like someone took a marker and drew eyebrows on their face. Iâve also heard about numerous incidents where girls are sucking their lips into bottles to make their lips bigger. For what? Well, for the perfect selfie to post on Facebook or Instagram.
Not so long ago, a new concept became popular in Iceland when describing this artificial physical appearance: âSkinkaâ (Ham) is a girl with fake tan, ultra blonde hair and extensive amount of make-up. Â
However, the new trend that is perhaps most noticeable in Iceland concerning physical looks is model fitness. I was once scrolling down the news feed on Facebook in a lecture room in the Netherlands when the person sitting behind me asked: Who are those people? At was during a time when all the biggest fitness competitions were going on and every other profile picture was of a fitness girl with an orange-coloured fake-tan, posing almost naked in a glitter bikini (which looks like a thong from the back). Before these competitions they do not only exercise tremendously (which after all is the purpose of it), they also whiten their teeth, get hair extensions, eyelash extensions, gel nails etc. Since Iâve been studying social media, amongst other things, I often wonder whether this trend would thrive so much without social media because most fitness competitors hire photographers to do personal photoshoots right after the competitions and then they post the photos on Facebook. I wouldâve loved to make this my thesis topic!
Fitness competitions have become the new beauty pageants in Iceland and are subject to extensive criticisms, especially in terms of the diets associated with it. As outdated as beauty pageants are, in my opinion, at least the diet consists of natural food items vs. the supplements that fitness people use. In terms of appearance, it is my opinion that these competitions are equally bad for the self-image of young women. Then Iâm not referring to fitness itself but everything artificial that comes with it. It seems that to be accepted we need to put up masks, which consist of layers of make-up and beauty enhancers. But the question is: Who are we trying to impress?
There is so much pressure to live up to these standards that are embedded in society, especially in a small society like Iceland. Thus, we feel like we canât take down our masks â not even with our own family. The irony is that Iceland is the land of natural beauty.
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