Boston you are the only only only.

     “I’ve recognized a pattern in my life that came over me again last night at a gathering. It’s all very complicated and hard to put into words. I had to participate, but I didn’t believe I had anything of value to offer—I felt trapped, but I couldn’t leave. It’s the pressure versus resistance to participate in life. It’s a lack of valuing my perspective and what I have to contribute in any given situation, whether it’s on a micro level (like the gathering last night) or career options or the niches we have to fit ourselves into because of the way the world is structured.      “This might be a unique thing that developed from my childhood, but finding the roots of that feeling can get very mental. I’ve tried to understand it several times throughout my life, but it’s almost like an organizing experience that I’m trying to avoid. It’s hard to talk about and understand. It’s almost distant from the actual experience. Essentially, I have this painful, vacuous, inverted feeling. It’s a denial of life.”

Photographed for The New Yorker, 2000 © Frank Ockenfels