Kiss From a Synth

1.       “But look, this is on sale!”

2.       “Why did I let you remodel the bathroom?”

3.       “Here’s the grocery list”

4.       Trying to buy a new couch

5.       I trimmed you a love note into the lawn.

6.       Hanging a porch swing together

7.       I don’t think she noticed my new haircut

8.       The CORRECT way to organize the dishes

9.       Our first dinner party

10.   The in-laws come to visit

11.   Celebrating an anniversary

12.   Shoveling snow

13.   “No, that’s not how you do that”

14.   A shrunken sweater

15.   Baby’s first steps

16.   Rainy day cuddles

17.   Painting

18.   A new mattress

19.   Date night in

20.   Thanksgiving

21.   Warm sheets

22.   The thermostat fight

23.   Going through old boxes

24.   “You could stand to eat healthier”

25.   Our baby going to prom

26.   Getting older

“I’m out of business, I’m completely out, I’m done, I’ll never work in Columbus again,” Whitman said. “This has completely and thoroughly ruined my life.”

“I just don’t understand the intensity of the hate,” said the man who drove two miles out of his way to verbally abuse a complete stranger based on the color of his skin.

bart’s hot cocoa marshmallow

is it still technically a drink? who cares! grampa wanted a slice and i do too 10/10 skittlebrau

i’m still waiting for some artisanal craft beer company to crowdfund the actualisation of skittlebrau 9/10 malk

brittle bones are a small price to pay for all that vitamin r 7/10 the all-syrup super squishee

this drink comes with consequences. are you prepared for what that might mean? 5/10 shelbyville turnip juice

turnip juice is a real thing apparently? who looked at a turnip and wanted to drink it? 3/10 homer’s morning glass of syrup

my teeth are crying 0/10 marge’s homemade pepsi

an undefinable and unknowable entity ?/10 lays liquid potato chips

i’ve got questions and they’re all about how i can forget i ever had to think about this 0/10 worcestershire flavoured soft drink

carbonated worcestershire is truly a cursed concept 0/10 a single plum, floating in perfume, served in a man’s hat

tomacco juice

tomacco was the produce made by homer, when mixing tobacco and tomatoes after putting a plutonium rod in the ground near tobacco and tomato plants. considering tomacco was highly addictive, repulsive + possibly deadly 0/10

flaming homer/flaming moe

the secret ingredient in the flaming homer and flaming moe is krusty’s non-narkotik kough syrup for kids, probably more addictive than tomacco but everyone seemed to love it so 9/10

ned flander’s hot cocoa from the simpsons movie