It's so weird to grow up as mixed race.
And I'm honestly not sure if my experience is the common one: to live mainly with the cultural ideas of one of your two sides, and growing up feeling like something is missing that you need to learn all over once you're adult.
To always think of yourself as visually very apparently part of this "main" side, and be so surprised to know people can recognize your heritage.
To always react when you hear something about the "missing" part, be it news, history or just family stories and have this weird feeling of recognizing yourself, but also feeling like you couldn't be further from it.
To not know anything, be it the food, the language, the culture...things that seem so obvious to others who grew up more intimately with it.
Most of the people of mixed race I know lived with a lot of contact to both of their sides, and so it always feel weird. Like I have to start behind everyone else. Like I lost something that's going to be so hard to get back. But at the same time I can't fault my family, because it feels like it wasn't what they wanted. And in the same time I can't fault my family.
It's weird to grow up as a mixed race.
