So today I made a decision that I want to find my biologically family and find out the truth, I needĀ āClosureā I need to know why, how and more whyās.
My name is Sara Silveira, I am 27 years old and I live in England. I was illegally adopted at birth, in Fortaleza, Ceara, Brazil.
Put into the fostering system aged 9 as my adopted mother abandoned me and Social Services were already concerned for my well being.
I was very lucky, 2 foster homes is all I ever went to.
At the age of 11, Social Services thought it was the correct age to let me know I wasĀ āAdoptedā. I point blank refused to believe them (Yet both my adopted parents are white, I still believed I was their biological child,lol. You have to love kids and their innocence right?? :āD )
So⦠I was told a few things. Which over the years I firstly obsessed about, then for many years blanked out, then in recent years have actually truthfully felt like much of it was probably not true.
So myĀ āMotherā was very poor - believable.Ā
She held me for 5 minutes and then handed me over in exchange for nothing but as a present my adopted parents gave her, a āvery niceā dressing gown.
Apparently we look a lot alike.
I have 4 older siblings somewhere in the world. 2 older brothers that stayed in Brazil, and 2 older sisters that wereĀ āadoptedā also, as boys could grow up working the land, but girls? Well Iāll let you answer that one, it was the 80ā²s.
All 5 children were from the same Father.
Thatās it I think, that is all IĀ āknowā in regards to my roots, where I am from, I mean who doesnāt like an exciting birth story right?
So the illegal adoption happened like this apparently..Ā
My adopted mother had trouble having their only biological child, and they wanted the 2:4 family a boy, a girl, and them.Ā
I was told my adopted mother worked for a Doctor as his Secretary, he had a cleaner who also worked in cotton fields that was about ready to give birth but could not afford to keep the baby as it was a girl, she also had nobody to give the child to. As it was so close to the due date they didnāt go for adoption papers and forms etc, when I was born the doctor put my adopted parents names on the Birth Certificate as my Biological Parents and proceeded to Sign it.Ā
So well thats the easy part, telling the story Iāve told for years. People saying theyāre sorry for me, and me saying its fine its my life I donāt know any different.
But then things really niggled at me.
The main one is I could not for the life of me understand holding a baby, and giving it away.Ā
For YEARS Iād been so angry about it⦠until in 2009 I took a trip to Brazil. I saw the poverty, I saw how people were living and I thought I understood. I thought I had closure.
I remember before I went being so scared, literally terrified, that I would walk down the road and see a woman that looked just like me and what would I do? What would she do? I replayed the scenario in my head countless times, what I didnāt realise was that when we went into the City one day and I got a bit scared again we got off the bus (me and my brother) and I started laughing⦠I hadnāt been somewhere before where most of the people look like me!! I mean I grew up in the Oxfordshire countryside, I was always the brown Brazilian girl!
I thought I understood. I thought, wow, she must have loved me SO much! Brazil is SO family orientated, but the poverty rife and she must have thought I had a chance of a much better life away from it!Ā
I asked my adopted dad for help in finding her and my brother tried to help also. My adopted dad said he spoke to the Doctors daughter, she refused to even ask her father about anything as he was a lot older now and mentally sick and the last thing they wanted was his name to be tarnished.
My brother had a female journalist contact him! We thought we were going to get somewhere! Then she didnāt contact him again⦠maybe it was too much of an ask⦠maybe it was a sign, maybe I wasnāt meant to find them.
My baby passports.. so many stamps between, Brazil, Aruba and Venezuela all before we moved back to Holland. But, why?
I felt stuck, I felt like what I was trying to do was maybe not supposed to happen and then I suddenly felt really unappreciative of what I had been given out of life! So I stopped, I blanked it all out once again (Blanking, One of my god given talents,lol)
But now weāre here⦠2015. Everyone is getting married, having children, having their lives together, Iām still trying to be a successful singer/songwriter whilst working as a Receptionist in a car dealership. I canāt even think about having children until Iām far older, If Iām ever to have them at all.Ā
I always tell people, when Iām 35 because I need to live my life, but in the main Iām not in a relationship (unless I want to get the turkey baster out) and I am terrified that Maybe I wonāt be a good parent, maybe I will not ever know how to love like a parent should love. Maybe I overthink things far too much, just maybe.Ā
Today I typed into Google - āI was illegally adopted in Brazilā and I was literally gobsmacked, I knew this kind of thing happened but I got onto a website
http://brazilbabyaffair.org
And I read, and I read and I read⦠Iām one of these! Suddenly things are starting to make so much more sense! And what if we can all help each other, help others like us somehow?
I sat speaking to a friend of mine and they said I should write about it, I was like, Its funny you say that I was thinking earlier that maybe I should write a blog, people have told me before about writing about my life soā¦.wellā¦
Here ya go. First post done!