queer pranks played by lightning

everyone always seems so surprised when shane is funny or makes a joke, and i don't think it's meant to be mean, but like? yeah shane is funny. he's always been funny. he's picky about his audience (because he has his image to think about and also because he's just naturally reserved), but he is snarky and quick with it. you know who has ALWAYS found him funny, though?

and on ilya's part, he chirps partially (i think) strategically to have the other team playing annoyed because that's not going to have them on their a-game, but also?? it's for fun. he is puppy nipping and going "play??? play back??? play??" and with almost everyone (because of the reputation he's been branded under), the response he gets is fuck off and a refusal to engage, like we saw with scott hunter. you know who's always understood that this is supposed to be for fun, though?

and ☝️ i do think douchebag bisexual supreme ilya should keep a notes app list ranking all his hookups+locations and what they did and how good they were at taking his dick (sometimes complete with contact info for repeats). and ☝️ i do ALSO think the man is aware that There Is A Problem when the top of the list starts looking like:

jane, mtl, first time backdoor like a fucking champ. soaked the bed and me. moaned like dying in reverse. why do some holes feel so much better than others

jane, mtl, nose to the bush and kept me there for fucking forever. fuck

jane, mtl, begged for anal plus two fingers. bit a circle out of my throat. payback with belt to ass after. crazy brown eyes beautiful crying

jane, mtl, thick goddamn sexy thighs. four fingers touching back of the throat and moaning for more. slut slut slut

Shane Hollander underwear model 🧍

pockets... ?