@na_OG

He treats me badly, says I'm pushing him to towards other women by being difficult. I deserve to suffer though. Pain is meant for me. He does it to make me stronger. I don't think he even means it tbh. He just gets so tired of my bullshit and jealously. I hate any woman he follows. I'm jealous of any woman that talks to him or looks at him. I'm driving him away, but I can't help but self sabotage this relationship because I'm so god damn jealous. I can't help it. If I could I would but duh, obviously I cant. Starving makes me feel like it's the only thing in my life I have control over. Because I can't control him or my jealousy. I can't control anything other then my eatting disorder and I so wish I could control others around me so I would not have soo much stress! But everyone wants to be complicated and stubborn in this world, so I'm going to have to suffer in silence