An Anonymous Pineapple

First ref done!

Welp found a solution to my pen problem: DIGITAL!

So yeah...I went inactive again. But this time I'll be honest why I'm always so inactive. The reason is that I just feel depressed, useless and unworthy of any love or attention. I just find myself disgusting and I hope that I'd vanish from reality. During this time everything is painful: waking up, talk to people, walk, cheering people up, hearing the insults and even eating is painful. My best friend has to give me food at school to be sure that I eat at least once a day. The most ironic is that I tell everyone to be optimistic and to take care of themselves but I can't do it myself. With school beginning again it got worst. Everyday I hear people whispering in my back and making fun of me (+ the fact that everyone misgender me since I'm not out yet). The idea to see them again makes me want to cry. Every seconds my mind's breaking a little more. But why dies this makes me inactive? Because the idea to exposing my work is driving me nuts. "What if its not good enough? What if its disappointing? What if they see how bad I'm right now? They'll go away. That's always want they do. It's because I'm not enough right? It's because I'm disappointing right? That's because I'm disgusting right? Yeah that's it. I font deserve them. But I don't want them to leave me. But it would be best for them to leave a failure like me. I'm really disgusting to grip on their affection like that" is basically what comes to my mind every time I want to post something.

But today something happened. As I was at my worst I rediscovered a place that I left because I was afraid they'd find out how disgusting I am (yeah I made up excuses of a lost account but I've deleted it myself) and... They were so nice and funny. I laughed so much. It was really heartwarming. When I disconnected I began to cry...of happiness. You gave me courage to face the next day because now I know that there's still that place. That I will be accepted for who I am. And that's what I needed : a safe place full of kindness and fun.