🙂💕

Why am I still heartbroken over someone who doesn’t even think of me anymore? 

You were so special to me, and now you're gone I realize this even more. 

I haven’t dated, I haven’t been with anyone, I have just been depressed every single day since you said goodbye. 

Nothing feels the same, nothing feels right, it’s like something died inside of my heart and will never be the same. 

Why did I meet you if the pain and suffering of you leaving me would feel like impending death. I didn't do anything to deserve this. I used to believe in love.

Feeling the waves of emotion as they wash over me -

I wonder, is it normal to cry because you are feeling so happy inside and with where you are in life that all you can do is cry? I feel my heart begin to heal when he comforts me in the most sensitive and pure ways he knows how and with these tears of happiness I cry, I can feel a light pouring in through the cracks of my heart and it pulls me out of the darkness to be well, me again, happy me.

He loves me. I love him. He is what makes my heart feel so full and my soul deeply connected that it doesn't know how to process these emotions. I didn't know love like this could ever exist for me, but I knew I hoped for it. I constantly ask myself ”Do I deserve a love like this?” The answer I say to myself is ”of course I do, you deserve to be happy and live a beautiful life”.

And just like that....as of yesterday the 20th of June 2019, I was the exact same age as River when he passed.

I. Can’t. Believe. It. He was so young with so much life ahead of him, more movies, and an Academy Award/s no doubt.

I love you River and I always will ❤️

Both of us 23 and you’ll always be 23 💛