[ h a l c y o n . ] ₍ ₁₈₊ ₎

The song of humanity continues to be sung.

Vash the Stampede || Trigun Maximum. isola affiliated || selectively indie friendly. written by roo.

[ x. ]

"I don't hate them, if that's what you're trying to get out of me," he starts. "Couldn't, even if I wanted to."

"I thought I might have... I did. For those first couple a' hours, after... I was angry." That shot he'd fired through Razlo's nose still sits a clear picture in his mind, full of nothing but rage, anger, with nowhere else to go, veins alight with it.

But Wolfwood... had given up so much for them. And, if anything, they'd been abused in the same way Wolfwood had been. Any of that anger that could have continued to coil and rot had easily and quickly redirected itself; the lump of unmoving, bullet-riddled flesh left to decompose into carrion under the harsh eyes of the twin suns.

"But Livio's my friend," he says simply. "I'd do anything for him." Already had. He'd thought, at first--. Thought that it would have hurt more, to keep someone so close when the both of them had been tethered together by grief. But it had been... comforting, in a way that he hadn't expected.

"And I... get along. With Razlo," he admits. "Not exactly friends, but-- well." There isn't much of an excuse, other than the fact that Razlo simply doesn't show himself as often. But that, too, isn't really much of one, not in the face of Vash's own avoidance-- so he doesn't give one. "We... yeah. Get along fine." Which is true, anyway.

[ x. ]

"Don't like 'em."

[ x. ]

"I... don't think I'd want to see it," he says after a long pause.

"Sometimes... sometimes it feels cruel," he goes on, "what I am to the other guy, I mean-- even though we aren't entirely the same." Being an omen, a warning, and some sort of--. He doesn't know. He's no one to follow, but it had still, somehow, in some twisted way, wound up warping their relationship irreversibly.

There had been the chance, that day in the woods. For him to have seen what awaits him, rather than what has continued to haunt him for so long. He's not sure what he would have done, if it had unfolded in such a way.

"My future... the way I see it, there's not all that much left to it back home, anyway," he says, small smile on his face. "All the big important stuff-- I think that's all behind me, for the most part. Life's not quiet, not by any means, but-- there's not so much ridin' on my shoulders any more, either."

Weight shifts, a quiet laugh. "And here--. Well. I think I'd rather just keep whatever's gonna come a surprise." There's an odd sort of heartbreak that settles down inside of him if he thinks about it too long; loss that feels so much more barbed the second time around, hurts inescapable and inevitable. They already sit there, quiet anxieties in his ribs-- no need to feed them further, not when they already fester.

[ x. ]

"They're wonderful, I think," Vash hums. "Even when it gets so humid in the summer and wet in the winter."

[ x. ]

It's still grey when Vash blearily blinks his eyes open, unsure as to what, exactly, had woken him up. He's warm, though; any of the chill from the outside failing to seep through into the house despite the snowfall that had started the night before.

With a long, low inhale, Vash slowly raises his head, vision blurry with lingering sleep-- there's no telling the directions his hair is sticking up in. There's a long, solid warmth all across his back, Wolfwood pressed all long it, still breathing slow and even with sleep, quiet little snores rumbling against his spine now and then. Beneath the comforter, he can feel where their legs are tangled together.

Chara's curled up against his front, equally still with sleep. They must have slunk into the room at some point during the night. On the pillow above their head and nearby Vash's own, Kuroneko exists as a tiny black blob, body quietly rising and falling.

[ x. ]

💜- A memory about one of their loved ones, happy or sad

"You've got it! Keep going!"

"But I'm gonna drop it all!"

Rem continues to smile and clap somewhere behind them; Vash is too busy half being just as nervous as his brother, half laughing at his plight. Knives has the handle of the wok gripped in both of his hands as he tosses the fried rice up into the air. Serves him right; he'd done the same as Vash had struggled through his turn, and Vash liked to think he was the more coordinated out of the two of them.

In the end, only a small amount had wound up on the kitchen floor, and they'd ended up with most of it warm and in their bellies before curling up in bed for the night, the three of them curled up comfortably together on the nest of a bed they'd made for themselves, a movie quietly playing on from the display despite its loss of audience to the gentle pull of sleep.

[ x. ]

[ x. ]

🍽️: do they eat to survive, for pleasure, or as comfort?

All three! There have been many times when food has been used as a form of self-harm, barely eating enough to continue to push on when he felt as though he didn't deserve to eat. Though when that wasn't taking place, there were often long periods of time in which food just wasn't available while wandering through the wastes.

However, when neither of those circumstances were/are present, Vash really does like food! He can even be a bit of a glutton at times, despite the fact that he doesn't necessarily need to eat nearly as much or as often as a human. One of his favorite things to do back home was to try different foods from places all over the planet, as dishes naturally found differences as people spread out across the wastes. He also like trying all sorts of different foods here on the island!

He's also been canonically shown to eat for comfort-- namely, directly after Wolfwood's death in the manga, overeating to the point of basically making himself sick to avoid the threat of being unable to drag himself- at least momentarily- out of mourning; he had still had a job to do, after all. However, this approach is far more uncommon that him neglecting to eat at all.

🫥: how often do they pretend to be fine to keep the peace?

Oh god so often. He's got a lot of anger and attitude in him, a lot of venom to spit, but it often gets bottled up, pressure building up until he eventually cracks in some way or another, often through some unhealthy release. These days, it's a habit that's been slipping, even though he often continues to try-- whether that be because of growing tired after going through so much, or changing slowly because of those around him and close to him. Honestly, he still tries to, more often than not, even though he's often still visibly grumpy about it. He often feels bad when he's unable to swallow his emotions, a sort of guilt-- regardless of whether or not that guilt comes immediately or later.

💀: do they trust their own memories?

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. A large plot point in the manga literally revolves around Vash's mind blocking out memories of his trauma and later recovering those memories. On top of that, there have been the times in which his memory has been tampered wit while residing on the island. These days, he feels more sure about his memory-- but is also very sensitive and defensive when it comes to even the implication or inkling that his memories might be brought into question. Besides that, though, he typically has a very good memory, especially when it comes to things like people's names and faces, as well as things he's studied, and small details about both.

🪤: what pattern do they keep falling back into?

So, so many. This guy can fit so many poor coping mechanisms in his head, and he has a constant habit of falling back into just about all of them. They've kept him going for so long, after all-- they're hard to rid himself of, though he is trying, at least The most egregious of these is bottling up his own emotions and hurt, as well as actively running away from them or avoiding handling them directly/sweeping them under the reg/etc. Everything that branches off from this habit, such as his alcoholic tendencies, tend to follow suit. He also consistently blames himself for things that he may or may not even have had a hand in, or that he could have done anything about. More often than not, he will continue to try and shoulder both his pain and everyone else's, in some form of penance. He's terrible at accepting help with anything in that regard, and even when there are attempts to do so, he still often falls back into the same old patterns.

🏃: do they move their body to feel alive or punish it?

Definitely to punish. For the most part he's neutral about moving his body; it's a way to keep himself in shape for whatever may come. Despite all the other issues he might have, his discipline about his own physical health is pretty consistent. However, he will also push himself far past what he probably should. In the past, he'd stay walking through the wastes for days at a time without rest-- and he's done similar while being on the island as well, though now that his body is in a much more degraded state, he was unable to do so entirely continuously, forced to take breaks. If he ever felt ( or feels ) as though he could have pushed himself physically harder to prevent something from happening, he will often punish himself by pushing himself to an unhealthy degree as well.

🤲: do they like being in control, or giving it up?

In theory, he would like the ability to give it up. In practice, more often than not you'd have to rip it out of his cold, dead hands. Even when he's not ( actively ) trying to have control of a situation, he usually ends up doing so anyway through various means, and often begins to feel uncomfortable when situations start to fall out of his hands too much.

🚪: who would they abandon if forced to choose?

[ x. ]

Where Vash's face had screwed up at Vanth's request, it falls into hard, displeased lines at Aurelius'. While he hadn't exactly liked handing it over before, it's easy to identify his current feeling as loathing to do so. He can't even give the same half-excise he'd given Vanth about the coat being too long to fit; the angel is only a scant few inches shorter than him, versus more than an entire foot.

"Don't you think it's too hot for this old thing?" he asks instead, doing little to sound anything other than deadpan.

"I'm used to the heat and the cold and wearin' it in both." Hell-- knowing this guy, he'd probably just pull some more magic or something out of his ass, anyway. The coat gets shrugged off, regardless, no choice in the matter, exposing the armor he'd chosen to dawn once again as well today.

[ x. ]

Vash frowns at the request-- more of a pout than anything else, considering Vash doesn't have anything against Vanth. Even though he might not wear it every day while living here on the island, the coat is still... something important to him. A sort of safety blanket, a shell to wrap himself up in, even though he'd gone through a number of them by now.

Wrapped up in his coat, he's Vash the Stampede to everyone who may or may not know any better; a beacon to project the fact outward, whether that be to drive others away or draw their attention to be slowly on him.

That sort of armor... isn't needed as often, any more. But it still makes his skin itch, his face contort as it's shrugged off his shoulders and handed over. Hell-- he hadn't even liked when his successor had taken off with the damn thing.

"Here," he says curtly, thrusting it out in front of him.

[ x. ]

"Oh, that's easy!" Vash grins. With as often as Kuroneko tried to make a break for it ( despite living an absolutely spoiled rotten life in their home ) only to quickly start crying and come crawling back home, they'd both decided on getting her a harness after finding out that that was even an option. She looks up at the two of them and trills, blinking her wide eyes, and Vash reaches down to scoop her up before scritching her head between the ears.

🎉 : do they enjoy social events, or endure them?

🩹 : what actually helps them heal, even if it's unhealthy?

[ x. ]

🪞 : do they look at themselves in mirrors, or avoid them? why?

Despite his slightly vain nature at times ( he makes sure he's put together ! ) except for getting ready he doesn't really pay attention to mirrors all that much. It's not that he purposefully avoids them, though; more so that he is fairly indifferent to them. He himself is also pretty indifferent to how his body looks to himself-- but he's very aware of how his body ight look to others, which is why he usually stays pretty covered.

🎉 : do they enjoy social events, or endure them?

It depends! Often times Vash is very social, one to flit around at gatherings and talk to all sorts of people. He loves hearing about their lives-- and their gossip, if he's being honest. He also has never been one to shy away from a get-together with drinks. However, he is also one to dip nearly as soon as he feels that he's 'done' at whatever event he's found himself in attendance of. Huge fan of an Irish goodbye.

🩹 : what actually helps them heal, even if it's unhealthy?

[ x. ]

"A-aren't you a little young for all a' this?" Vash winces. This kid may be a teenager, but that still seems too early for someone to have this much caffeine. Even though he's married to the owner-- no, actually, because he's marries to the owner, it sounds like even more of a bad idea. He's not too keen on getting an earful over it, either, on top of his already existing hesitance. But it's too late now, and the little cup is already being snatched out of his hands.

[ x. ]

🧩 : what part of themselves do they not understand yet?