Feed Your Head

funniest possible singular sentence in the english language has already been conceived n it's the first line of the tardis wiki article on "sex"

Babysitting a toddler is a lot like being the narration in a point-and-click adventure game. Watching him knock on the doors of empty rooms and saying "hmm. I don't think anyone's in there". Watching him attempt to use [spoon] on [cat] and saying "I don't think those things go together". Watching him throw a cup of water onto the floor and just commenting "the floor is wet now" when he looks up at me to see if I approve.

crazy how quickly dust accumulates. i should be allowed to put my trinkets on a shelf and not touch them and they remain in perfect condition forever. dont even get me STARTED on the inside of a computer. why do i have to brush your teeth. youre technology.

The last time I played Puck, the director was a huge freak about not letting us wear shoes on stage because it would "ruin the look", but we all kept eating shit, and instead of just letting us wear skintone dance shoes or something with grip, motherfucker poured Pepsi on the floor so it'd be sticky and we had to schlorp around. I fucking hate you, David.

Why couldn't this have been a one time I dreamt

I would just quit. Fuck people like that. It's easy to walk away

No it's not. Didn't you read the post? There was dried Pepsi everywhere.

I’m gonna propose “I guess you haven’t read the silmarillion then :/” as a default response to anyone not understanding a reference to something obscure. even if it’s not remotely Tolkien related. I want to build up a perception that perhaps the sum total of human knowledge is contained in the silmarillion

XKCD and Tumblr once again providing weapons I cannot use

Listen. I wouldn’t just fuck an alien. I’d take an alien out on a date, to their favorite restaurant. I’d marathon an aliens favorite show with them. I’d spoon an alien every night. I’d bring an alien little random tokens and gifts to remind them of my affection. I’d help an alien work through their emotional issues and family baggage. I’d adopt a shelter pet with an alien and raise him as our very own son. I’d grow old with an alien, every blissful year of our union reminding us of how much we cherish each other. I’d make love to an alien.

Finding out that another piece of my soul got into an oc of mine without realizing it like hey!!! spit that out!! do i have to put child safety locks on this fucking thing!!

its unreal how all of my favorite characters have exactly the same traits and hobbies and diagnoses as me

oh, have you been tricked into loving yourself?

oh my fucking god is that what just happened