rhythm & blues *

See, I’m the opposite. Now that we’re the newest batch of reality stars, I’m not sure I’m ready to meet people in person. I mean, I’m all for us being lusted after, especially by hot babes, but there’s always gonna be the ones that stalk us or try to befriend us just for the ‘fame’ or other hidden agendas. At least I can weed out some of the fakes by checking what they say about us on social media. But for the record, you know you like getting thousands of likes on instagram. You know I could never turn down being spoiled, so I guess I can take you up on this offer. But I just used google and saw the trailer for this movie and…wow. That’s all I can say. It does seem interesting though, so I guess I’m in. But if you think ‘making it worth my while’ means I’m gonna let you tap this, you’ve got another thing coming. You know you’ve gotta work harder for that privilege. 

I don’t know. I’m hoping that the ladies just line up and there’s no other worries. To be honest, I don’t care if the girl is psycho if it’s just a little attention I’m getting. I get what you mean, though. That’s why I’m friends with you - the fame. Also, you have a nice ass. I mean, of course I like getting those likes and comments. No complaints about that here, but you like it too. It’s a great movie, just shut up and get that ass over here. I can work hard. I can work very hard. 

well, it’s no wonder we’re friends. party for two it is. i’ll be there shortly, babe.

see you soon, sweets.

I prefer balls. Softballs, I mean– over bats. They can’t tell it’s coming if you throw them from a distance, but if you’ve got a bat, most people would run away if they saw some chick with a baseball bat coming up to them. Although I’m much more of an accidental injurerer. What tickles my fancy though? Good question. I’m getting sexual vibes from that phrase, to be honest with you. 

I was about to say - how the hell did you get on this show if that’s where you went with it. I mean, if you sneak up from behind, things generally go better - bat or balls. Or a bat to the balls. That’s how I’d do it. If you’re getting sexual vibes from it, I’m giving them, little lady. 

you, my friend, are an asshole. but that’s why i like you. party for two or a legit party because i’m down for either, ya feel?

babygirl, i’ve never claimed to be anything but. let’s start with the party for two and maybe i’ll plan a party for more down the road. i need your presence in my life. 

Ooooh, yes. Absolutely, I’m a very big potential sleuth and proud. I’m sleuthing it up. Okay, good. Not dying is super good. Yep, very Hammy. I will try to climb the Chrysler building like a miniature King Kong. 

Uh… Not sleeping with you?

You’re sleuthing it up? Noelle, you’re always out here acting like a cool kid. Oh god. Don’t climb things, you’ll probably fall. Then again... if you choose to do that, invite me?

Yeah, I know what you mean in a way. Our society as a whole is pretty fucked up, but that episode sort of really put it into perspective. Like who the fuck actually wants to go out of their way to make enough of a good impression on people so that they get good ratings, or have their life ruled by said ratings? I mean, I don’t mind being spoiled and treated a certain way by almost everyone, but going out of my way to make that happen? I’ll pass. Annie, what the hell is The Lobster? Is it actually about a lobster?? I’m not coming to watch some weird movie about ugly sea creatures.

I just think there’s always something about technology and social media that fucks us all up. I like meeting in person, finding new things to do and rating it in my head better. There’s more to life than how many likes you get on an instagram photo.You feel me? I’ll spoil you, G, no worries. You won’t even have to work for it. It’s not about an actual lobster. Man, you people really need to learn to use google. Come watch the movie. I’ll make it worth your while. 

That’s the one about people rating each other, right? That one wasn’t too off the wall, but you’re right. If people stopped obsessing over what others think and just make some real connections just for the hell of it, maybe their lives would be better. Or not, depending on whether they’re likable or not. Like us. 

It is! I think that one just really hit to home. There’s a lot to be said about the society we live in. I’m a fucking whore for dystopian societies, so Black Mirror really hit home for me. Have you seen the movie The Lobster? If not, I demand you come over immediately and let me change your life. 

But some things they tell you over the years make sense, but that is just my opinion. Actually you are right since the definition of health actually means that it is a state of physical, mental and social well-being. So yes it is subjective. And you also may be right about the science part there, but there are some things which just makes sense when you even think about it - red bull is filled with sugar and caffeine. of course it has an effect on your body - like headaches or even insomnia if you consume too much of it. But well I guess everyone has to decide for themselves.

Meh, I’m fairly certain that my parents have less knowledge between their ears than most. Maybe yours are a little more sane or something. Sugar-free redbull, however, is only full of aspartame and caffeine. So, I’m just pumping my body full of chemicals in that case. Which is just as bad as my choosing to smoke endless cigarettes. Now, if you want to talk about sexual health, I’m your gal. 

I might just have to call you once or twice… or ten times. Honestly, you’re spoiling me, I’d happy to be your lady nemesis - especially since I’d look more than killer in that body suit, okay. If you ever need someone to have a look as you try these things on - just call me, beep me if you wanna reach me, darling. I’m a notorious rule break, so who knows what could be held against me. 

Oh, if only you knew just how much I enjoy having a nemesis. Especially one that is much more attractive than Shego. Bodysuit and all. I will keep that in mind, little lady. I’m certain it’ll come in handy soon enough. Break all of the rules and I’ll hold anything you want against you. 

Well, what can I say? I am a girl of many sides, it would simply be impossible to define me in one tiny word.

Now you on the other hand, pretty sure they were spot on with the label they slapped on you.

One tiny word that is most definitely fitting. Do you need someone to remind you of just how many sparks can actually fly with you around? Because I’d be happy to. 

my sister? why would i need to know that? i mean, that’s cool but you don’t even miss me? ouch. i’m great actually. just kinda having this need to party.

You do know I’m just messing with you, right? It’s kind of adorable when your panties get in a wad. A need to party? Then, my dear, let’s party. 

cause that’s what i do, princess. how have you been, pretty lady? 

I’ve been just fine, missing a certain flower child in my life. How about you, dear?

I was told by my parents that you shouldn’t judge people by their looks, so your question is not really a good one there. And you should give a damn about your health really…but I guess I am a bit biased since medicine and psychology are my weak spots.

Well, listening to your parents isn’t always the most practical of things, but alright, mama’s girl. Health is subjective, to be honest. Science changes too often for me to know if 4 red bulls is really all that bad for me. One day Diet Coke is a godsend and the next aspartame is the devil, ya feel?

I have no idea what “sleuth” is, so if it’s a bad thing, joke’s on you. Ha. Well, I’l plead the fifth on that one…. Maybe I do. Maybe I don’t. Fair enough, just don’t like… Die of a heart attack because that would make me very sad. I had a red bull once and I turned into Hammy from Over the Hedge. Not good.

I am very weak, we could be weak together, blankets are so nice.

Voila, my dear. Now you are well educated because of google and you don’t even have to do the work for it! I don’t think I’ll be dying any time soon. You know, no plans for now. Hammy, eh? How adorable.