Mira’s Diary 🍒

I saw my lil sister the day before yesterday. I saw her with her mom and I actually thought that there aint no way they didn’t see me but I did not let that stop me from going to say hi. The moment I saw her mom going alone in the store.. i saw my opportunity and i went for it. I didn’t say what I actually wanted to say but I guess its okay.

Long time no see, sooo alot has happened and I want to write some stuff off my chest and it maybe will be a but vague but still. If there’s someone who experienced jealousy from a close ring, like really close. As in someone thats supposed to be a sister to you., close. That shit messes with you mentally cause it’s only you that could see the jealousy, the way that you’re being treated and manipulated, verbally abused. There has been obvious signs and its weird cause its like, i was just a child. How could you as a older one, have a animosity towards me for certain things. Like you set this relationship up for failure. You treated me garbage and you now expect me to go through lengths for you, to what ? To stroke your fragile ego, to support your delusions ? You know those people who are afraid of being a monster, while actively acting like one? Im honestly so done with this and im not gonna sit here and take this lightly. Its gonna stop here. Im done. Im focusing on bettering myself and my health and i do not need this constant stress. I deserve better and ill give it to myself. I wont be expecting anything from you anymore. Im accepting the reality and im letting go of this fairytale of it ever getting to a better place. Im smarter than that. I see how it is. Im trusting my gut and mind.

Ik hou veelste veel van slapen.

i can’t believe that I have a sister that doesn’t feel like one.

i’m scared to not make it, to be a failure, to always be stuck in this state of sickness and misery. In the back of my mind I know i’m worth more and I love being creative. I just have a hard time being & growing at a pace that I would want for myself. And thats so frustrating cause my body doesn’t align with my mind. And when I do have a good physical health day, I end up struggling mentally. It’s this cycle that makes me feel defeated. I’m jealous of the people who don’t have a chronic condition and had never experienced any mental/physical abuse.

Havent been doing my art for a while.. i would like to go back to the time where I was doing so good. I had inspiration for days. Last week I picked up the brush and painted the background and thats pretty much all I did. My head and heart was not in it. I just knew that I had to so it will become easier the next day . All I can do is hope that than I might feel something.