Princess of Crime

.

“Right…. of course, what do I know?” she asked as she gently raised her eyebrow, scanning the other up and down, “I’m just one of the stars of the show, that’s all…” Her grin slowly faded away. “But go ahead and wear the crown a little longer. It’s fun to pretend.” 

-

Amelia shot her a glare. “I thought you said you didn’t know anything about costumes,” she said, frowning.

“I’ll admit you have a point. Just pretending doesn’t make someone anything special.” Her frown twisted into a smirk. “Remind me again which one of us is playing pretend? You signed up to put on an act on a stage. I just wanted to see my face in something shiny.”

~

“Savoring,” he teased with a nod. Her reaction was priceless, like he had assumed it would be, but he had to admit he preferred hers than any of his other friends’. He chose not to think too hard about the reasoning as he just celebrated her saying the exact thing he was hoping she’d say.

“Glad I could make your night less boring,” he said with a nod before saying “They made a movie about the making of the Room and it’s a great film, like it’s hilarious how good of a movie it is for what the subject matter is about. We could watch it sometime if you need another saving from the idiot masses.”

-

“A saving?” She repeated. “I didn’t realize that showing me a terrible film made you my savior,” she said, smirking. 

But she couldn’t hold the attitude for long. It took only a beat before a memory of the indescribable terrible content she’d just witnessed appeared in her mind, and she shook her head, breaking just a bit.

Besides, attitude or not, he had a point: he had made the night less boring.

“Still...you haven’t been disappointing yet,” she said, the smirk becoming more of a proper grin. “...And if it could help explain how something like...that got made, then maybe I can find a time to squeeze you in. If you’re lucky.”

.

“Not that I would know anything about costumes…” Nora lied, of course she was quite the wizard with costumes, some would say, “but I’m pretty sure we’re not supposed to touch these until dress rehearsal… don’t you think?” She uncrossed her arms, flipping her beautiful dark hair over her smooth shoulder. “But I suppose that’s none of my business… I’m just here for my fitting. What’s a tiara when they have to fit you into all those tight dresses and feather boas?” 

-

Amelia rolled her eyes. ‘Supposed to’ do this, ‘should’ do that. So many rules. Didn’t anyone here know how to have any fun?

“I think that I’d rather stick with the tiara,” she said. And that’s exactly what she did, giving no indication it was leaving her head anytime soon. “Don’t get me wrong, I can appreciate a tight dress, in the right context...But I think I’ll leave all the fitting and boa nonsense to you.”

~

Oscar kept trying to reassure her that she would have more fun once she stopped trying to understand and just enjoy the ride, and he could see it was a struggle for her. It was probably for a person as smart as her to turn her brain off even for a while. Still, he saw her start to enjoy it, which just made it more fun for him, for some reason. As his laughter died down, he explained “I thought that Tommy Wiseau had to be an alien, but then I met aliens here and they make more sense so I have no fucking clue.”

-

“Oh my God,” Amelia replied with a laugh at the ‘alien’ comment, still not fully recovered from what she’d witnessed. “I just...I don’t understand. Which is something I don’t say often, so savor it.” She used the palm of her hand to wipe away the moisture that had appeared in her eye from laughing so hard. “How...? How?” Not often at a loss for words, Amelia found herself in the unusual position of not knowing how to articulate what she was trying to ask. “A whole crew had to work on this. People were paid.” 

~

Jia didn’t like this girl. Being called darling like that just made Jia feel uneasy; it was condescending. “You look like you’ve had enough time with it,” she said, her eyebrows furrowing. “It’s not yours, please put it back.” She wasn’t raising her voice, but there was a new quiet conviction in it.

-

Amelia raised her eyebows. To her surprise, she was actually a little bit impressed. As much as she disliked being told what to do, she had to admit, what she was witnessing from the other girl took some balls. She had to give her credit for that, at least.

~

He tried to keep his expression neutral, but it was hard with the expectation of what was to come. At her first question, he let out a slight chuckle and shook hs head. “I’d never show you porn without permission that’d be fucked,” he assured her before simply laughing at her other reactions.

He couldn’t hold it anymore and full on laughed when she asked about the sex scene, just nodding in confirmation and leaning back a bit. “I warned you, the best garbage,” he repeated, wiping s bit of the moisture that had formed in his eye while laughing.

-

The rest of the movie proved to be something of a challenge. At least at first. Amelia couldn’t help it -- her instinct was to try to analyze things. And, in this case, it resulted in some frustration in her trying to make sense of something that didn’t make sense. Trying to understand something that, by nature, could not be understood. And it took her a while to realize that. But when she did? When she started to understand that any knowledge or understanding of the ways a movie communicated information was irrelevant to this experience? Then she was able to laugh at it and it just became comedy gold.

As the movie ended, she clapped between laughter. “I...You’re right, I wasn’t ready...I...How?!”

Jia honestly had no idea how to respond to that, and that probably read on her confused and wide eyed expression. Then the woman turned away from her and basically talked to her through the mirror, which… felt pretty rude to Jia. Jia didn’t want to talk to someone’s back or through a mirror. “Because it’s definitely for one of the actors in the plays, and I’ve never seen you at rehearsals,” she argued, quiet conviction in her voice. “You should really put it back.”

-

Well, she couldn’t argue with that. She hadn’t been at rehearsals, because she wasn’t in any of the plays. For good reason. If she was, that probably would’ve just made everyone miserable. Including her.

“Relax, darling, I’m going to,” she replied dismissively. “Just as soon as I’m done with it. I’m just trying it on for a second, it’s not like I’m planning on keeping it.”

~

At her response, he shook his head, a mischievous grin on his face. “No, you’re really not,” he assured her before he pressed play. He had his face turned almost directly at her, wanting to watch her reaction to the film rather than the film himself; he basically had it memorized anyway.

-

Skeptical, she rolled her eyes -- but more playfully than spitefully. 

And then the opening credits started playing. 

They were possibly the slowest, most uninteresting credits. She was wondering why they didn’t overlay the names over their boring footage to save time until they started doing exactly that. Now, a lot of people might just tune out the names in opening credits unless it was someone super memorable or noticable. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately), Amelia was observant.

“Didn’t...didn’t this guy already get credited as an executive producer?” She asked, but she didn’t have to.  Not enough he’s already producing, starring, and writing, he needs to get credited twice for producing? 

 “Oh, and he directed. Off to a great start already.”

She furrowed her eyebrows upon hearing possibly the most unconvincing ‘hi babe’ ever. And her confusion only grew as she continued to witness odd, unnatural delivery, and an awkward scuffle over a present. With every second the lead was on screen, her confusion grew. 

Between the bad acting and unnatural dialogue, by the time the love interest was walking down in a sexy hot pink dress, she had to ask:  “...Is this porn?” It was a joke -- if she actually thought that’s what was happening, she’d already have stopped it. But it was a desperate attempt to make sense of what the hell she was witnessing. 

The first laugh finally came at the line,  ‘I would do anything for my girl’. She was almost too confused to laugh, but the amount of ridiculous overcame her confusion.

While she wasn’t laughing, her eyes just got wider and wider as her hand came up to her temple. When ‘Danny’ asked to go upstairs, they widened even further. There was a slight facial change, like, ‘the fuck?’ upon seeing the awkward pillow fight. Then even wider eyes when ‘Danny’ jumped on the bed with the couple. 

‘I just like to watch you guys’ was Amelia’s (first) real breaking point. It was enough to get her to look away from the movie, and give Oscar a look, like, ‘what the fuck is this? What are you showing me? Is this actually the dialogue?’ Something akin to...shock? Confusion? Disbelief?

And what was that lead actor’s laugh??

And then, finally, her next strong reaction -- “is he fucking her belly button??”

&&.          𝐀 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐅𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐋𝐘 𝐅𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐁𝐀𝐋𝐋 gown was covering her slim body. candice had been present for a gown fitting . . it had to be perfect if she were going to portray her mother properly. so much pressure . . but candice knew it wasn’t something she couldn’t handle. plus . . she very much needed the distraction. “ now where did that thing go . . “ she questioned out loud as she picked up the bulk of the green gown in her silk gloved covered fingers. walking to her dressing area, she paused seeing a flash in the reflection of one of the mirrors. stepping forward she rose a brow giving a slightly confused smile. “ of course . . it’s lookin’ amazin’ on you . . but i think that’s for this here ensemble. “ she chuckled motioning to her gown. “ i kinda need that there to finish my fittin’ “

Amelia took the opportunity to admire her reflection for a bit, not quite ready to give the tiara up. “Is that right?” she asked casually. “You must’ve thought wrong. I mean, look how nice it looks on my head, it had to have been made for me. The tiara that goes with that swamp green...whatever it is you’ve got going on over there must be somewhere else.” While knowing who’s who was one thing, she hadn’t researched the histories of the families very thoroughly, or read the scripts to the plays. She didn’t realize how relevant ‘swamp’ was, or the intentions behind the color choice.

~

Oscar smirked, ready for the inevitable punchline, then nodded when it hit. “Oh, it’ll be the absolute best garbage you’ll ever see,” he assured her before getting up, reaching into the bowl, and taking another handful of M&Ms. When she threw the grape, he turned his back nonchalantly to not draw attention to either of them, throwing an approving wink her way as they walked.

He lead her to a more secluded area, one of the benches he used often to smoke and people watch, and sat down. He reached into his pocket to take out his earbuds, plugged them in, then handed her an earbud as he asked “You ready?”

She returned his wink with a smile that definitely had everything to do with satisfaction with successfully inconveniencing an annoying couple (and getting away with it), and absolutely nothing to do with the wink. 

She joined him on the bench, putting the earbud into one of her ears. She hated having human ears, but she supposed the existence earbuds that were designed to fit them wasn’t a bad thing. “Definitely. Hit me with your best shot, movie.”

Jia felt so strange. She was asked to come in for a fitting for her costumes, and she had already fit into her boy armor. Ironically, she felt way more comfortable in her mother’s kimono when she “brought dishonor” to her family by ruining her chances with the matchmaker. She knew she wasn’t her mother, no matter how hard she tried, and now she was going to have to try harder to play her. Again, ironically, her reflection was showing who she was inside, and it was giving her a crisis.

And in the reflection, she saw someone placing a tiara on top of her head.

“Oh, excuse me,” she said, turning around to meet her eyes. “That’s actually a prop, it’s not supposed to be touched except by the person who’s designated.”

Amelia snorted. “Supposed to?” she asked. “Now what’s the fun in doing what you’re supposed to?” She looked back to the mirror, taking a few more moments to enjoy it while she could. She knew she’d have to give it up eventually, but if there was an opportunity to have a bit more fun, she was going to take it. “Besides, how do you know I’m not the person designated?”

Of course, nothing that sparkled on that tiara was real. But it was pretty. And it would still look damn good on her head. Even her stupid human head. She wouldn’t be able to get away with outright taking it, but sneaking in for a photo? More than doable.

She was right. She did look good in it.

She had just finished snapping the picture and was pocketing her phone when she realized she wasn’t alone. She was caught. Wide smile on her face, she turned around to face whoever had entered. “Like what you see, darling?”

~

“Only when it’s funny as fuck,” he said, pointing with a smirk. He got out his phone and started searching the keywords to get to the illegally posted unedited copy of the movie. “You wanna stay and watch this annoying garbage or do you wanna ditch and watch the best garbage?”

-

“You mean miss experiencing this riveting love story?” Amelia asked, sweeping her arm dramatically to gesture to the screen. 

But even she could only pretend to a certain point. She dropped the act with a snort. Really, it wasn’t even a decision. 

“Fine. But pulling me away from this? It better be the best garbage ever made.” She grinned, already starting to make her way away from a snack table. 

~

“Oh, you’re in for a treat,” he said, his eyebrows twitching upwards for a moment. “Though I do recommend you watch it yourself first, so you can know what to expect and when to watch their faces. I’ve done it with a few friends before it’s fucking priceless.”

-

Amelia arched an eyebrow, skeptical. “That’s a pretty tall order. It’s a movie, how bad could it be?” she asked. “...Do you often put your ‘friends’ through terrible things?”

~

“I like movies that are either really fucking good or really fucking terrible,” he said with a devilish smirk. “I would definitely have put on one of the terrible ones just to watch people’s reactions, it would be more entertaining than any movie in the world. You ever seen of The Room?”

“The Room?” Amelia repeated, tilting her head. While technology in her part of Disney World had kept up so she was even able to watch movies, she’d still lived her life as a mouse, and as such, had missed a few things. “No, I haven’t. But the idea of watching other people react to terrible movies does sound promising.”

Her ranting about the movie and then threatening the people who were going to make an imaginary sequel was... admittedly, kind of cute. Well, the threat was a little hot, actually, but only because it wasn’t directed at him; he wasn’t one of those kinds of assholes who was amused by girls’ anger.

“I don’t think you have to worry about that for a while,” he said. “I like to think they can’t be that stupid to remake a mystery movie any time soon. Maybe in fifty years or so.”

-

“I don’t know, I’ve seen some pretty stupid filmmaking decisions. Let’s hope you’re right,” Amelia replied. 

“Alright, then. Your turn: what would you have picked instead of...whatever you want to call that,” she gestured vaguely to the screen. She wasn’t entirely sure why she asked, but she was amused enough by the conversation to run with it.

~

He nodded slowly, trying to understand what that look was for. He just asked her a question, was she not used to people asking her about herself? He guessed he could understand that, since most people didn’t ask him about himself either. Then again, he usually didn’t want people to.

“Knives Out was cool,” he agreed. “First movie in a long ass time I didn’t predict the ending to. With everyone so fucking scared to try anything outside the box, it was nice to see a movie go for it.”

-

( knives out spoilers below the cut )