Olivia trying to process: Do you-

That whole scene with Dr. Alexis Hanover and Amanda really goes against that idea thouhh. Like.. Yeah, Amanda said she's over it but she's said that before (Forgiving Rollins, 16x10) and it wasn't true. I mean, the woman walked out of therapy, before she was even called in mind you, because she couldn't face what had happened.. Couldn't bear to discuss it. So who's to say that she followed through with therapy after she came back? No one knows for sure that she did, Amanda's always been so adamant that she's fine and that she's over it, but is she really?

That scene between her and Dr. Hanover actually gives us a lot, and I went back and rewatched that scene at least twenty times to confirm. Here's what I picked up from that brief scene:

1) The tramua is still there, as raw as it ever was.

And yes, the tramua will always be with her just as it will always be with Liv or Fin. But for Amanda it's a bit different, let me explain.

Amanda is definitely more emotional.. More raw and traumatised than either Benson or Fin.

All three went through something traumatic in their lives. For Liv it was being abducted by William Lewis, for Fin is was seeing his mother get shot and die and for Amanda it was Charles Patton overpowering and raping her. They each show emotion and pain when they speak with Alexis, Liv even having to pause to drink some water so she could continue, but Amanda's is so heavy that it's sort of hard to watch.

She remembers the TV playing in the other room, how she tried to just focus on that until it was over.

She remembers how hard she was banged against the headboard, so hard in fact that she was bleeding.

Her hands are visibly shaking and she's moving around quite a bit in her chair, uncomfortable. Her eyes are rarely open while she's speaking, they're closed instead and her voice does crack a few times. She's scared she'll start crying.

2) When she first walks in and meets with Dr. Hanover this was the dialogue:

"I've read a lot about tramua informed questioning"

To which Dr. Hanover responds:

"That's great.. But this is about experiencing it for yourself"

And Amanda's counter reply:

"You want me to pretend to be a victim?"

Now, here's what I got out of that. Amanda obviously does not see herself as a victim, which she's not.. She is a /Survivor/ and that's a very positive thing.. Extremely positive actually. Very uplifting. That's not my issue.. My issue is that we've seen her deny that she was /ever/ a victim before (16x10) and that her case was something that wasn't worth pursuing (13x08, Educated Guess)

She wouldn't be "pretending" anything.. And she knows this deep down, but this blonde is stubborn to the point of insanity and literally waits until Dr. Hanover spells it out for her.. And even then she hesitates to talk about it at first.

If she had been going to therapy this whole time, she wouldn't be /this/ effected by it anymore. I'm not saying she'd be numb to it.. I'm saying that she'd have talked through it enough that talking about it again wouldn't result in such strong and raw emotion.. She's clearly still so shaken by it that there's no way she's been going to therapy. She's just been ignoring it, pretending it didn't happen just like she's always done.

Think about it this way: Homegirl literally ran from Patton and the tramua he inflicted on her. He was the entire reason she packed up herself and her dog to make the long trip from Georgia to New York, the two states are not exactly neighbors y'all. Then when she gets to the Big Apple, she pushes it down.. Develops destructive coping mechanisms. Georgia Peach is traumatised is what I'm saying.

rollisi + sonny being supportive