Noob's Notes

You will not take everything from me.

What comes after grief? — rage. I like that at the end of the tunnel, they say it's light, freeing, and easy. But I'm afraid, they're wrong. At the end of this tunnel, I see a world that is engulfed in the sea of fire, it's warm, it's suffocating, and the heat blinds me. Oddly enough, I found comfort in it.

I would probably choose psychology over journalism, I know I said it before that I wanted to become a journalist. And I just know deep within me that I'm bad at words, I'm bad at expressing my thoughts both in words and in action. 😅 But, if it's like on the field and we're asked to communicate and connect ourselves with people, I think yan talaga yung interest ko. One thing I learned about my self recently lang is that mahilig pala ako sa mga taong nagku-kuwento ng mga buhay nila. I like it when they entrust me with their stories, their journey and their battles. I like it when somewhere between the conversation everything becomes light and easy on the person when I offered him my time. Also, human behavior interest me. 😅 I don't know if I'm being crazy or what, pero, really, I enjoy learning about ourselves.

"People are self absorbed with their life, why worry about their opinions about you?" It's scary, actually. I know na wala naman akong dapat ikatakot, I've gone through many things in my life, if you're talking about shame I've had my fair share of it, regrets, too. I could be seated with a bunch a crazies and at the end of the conversation I'd still come off reasonable. So, I know, I could handle anything.

So many things happened to me lately that all of it has effectively made me silent. I've gone through all of it ALONE, part of me wants me to feel depressed, pero, for some reason, I feel like the demons that used to whisper at me before gave up. I know they're still lurking somewhere, pero I learned to be present with them when they needed to speak. Motherfucker, I feel like ako yung naging safe space nila in a way.