On âTeach Me How to Liftâ
Make yourself a coffee and have a seat, this is gonna be a long one.Iâve seen a few posts of late from people saying âStop messaging me regarding âteach me to lift!ââ and Iâve gotta say this: yeah, guys, donât do that. (Nothing wrong with asking for tips about specific chains or locations, but âteach me how to do thisâ is something entirely different.) I started replying on a post about this, but it got long, and I didnât want to hijack, so hereâs why we canât teach people how to lift.
#1: Because there is no substitute for on-field experienceÂ
Probably the hugest part of lifting is knowing how to look for things, and tailoring your body language and behaviour to what youâre doing, and threat recognition. This stuff, no matter what you see, is partially instinctual, and you need to hone these skills for yourselves: you canât learn this from someone else. We can tell you what to look for, or avoid, but we canât get inside your brain and make those neurons connect and realise that âholy shit, I was just sussed then,â or âthatâs not actually a blind spotâ or âthere is a sales assistant standing right behind me,â or âthere is a vague threat somewhere and I need to get out.â (I have a sneaking suspicion if you have experience in areas like security or the military or in any other field where youâre having to be aware of whatâs going on around you, this might be a skill that comes reasonably naturally to you, but honestly, this can take people in those industries *years* to develop.) Â Â
Consider it this way: when you learned just about any other skills you have, did you message someone online or did you get out there and practice, finding out what worked for you and how to do it better? Someone canât teach you to lift online any more than they can teach you how to draw, or ride a bike, or do mental mathematics. You might be able to borrow from techniques and theory that has worked for them, but the actuality of doing it is something youâve gotta do.
Nearly all of lifting skill is physical and psychological in nature. This is exactly why people say to start slow and to make sure you donât do it when youâre feeling âoff.â Because youâre going to give away little tells that you wonât see yourself.Â
A huge part of it is confidence, and again, no one can teach you that. Itâs something you have to develop for yourself. Hell, I wish I could teach people how to be confident, because I could probably make a lot of awesome people realise how great they are, and I could also probably cash in on something like that, hardcore, but nope: confidence is something developed. (Some advice? Get this shit sorted as early as possible. It sucks living with second-guessing yourself through what are meant to be the best years of your life.)Â
#2: All of us are different, as are our circumstances.
Also, disgusting and shitty as it is, people are judgemental fucks. What works for me could be downright dangerous if I was younger, if I had a small child with me, if I was a person of colour, if I was male. It would be, frankly, irresponsible of me to say, âSure, this is my fail-safe MOâ (Iâm happy to offer generalised tips, but I donât give away everything in my magicianâs bag) with the assumption that everyone else is like me and their environments are like mine. An example? In my country, stores *can* check bags on request as youâre leaving. Most of my US friends would be going, âWTF, they canât do that!â right now, but oh yes, they can, even if they didnât see anything suss. So, if, I dunno, I was to ask a US lifter to teach me how to lift, they wouldnât mention that, and my arse would be grass by now.
Dealing with SAs and LP is different for me, too: if I was caught and started crying, no one would have a lick of sympathy for me, for example, because of my ageâ but Iâve heard of younger people being able to get seriously reduced consequences for being able to elicit sympathy from the gatekeepers.Â
#3: Because all of us learn differently and at different speeds.
For better or worse, I seemed to pick it up quickly. But the moment you start comparing yourself to what other people can/ât do is the moment youâre leaving yourself vulnerable. Again, this is why people advise starting slow: no one wakes up one morning and just steals 20 Naked palettes and 400 MK handbags on a whim.Â
Maybe it will take you two months to progress beyond stealing a pair of socks at a low-security chain. There is nothing wrong with that: hey, you scored free socks, and you didnât get caught: thatâs actually fucking awesome. If you learn at your own pace, and keep in mind that it always pays to err on the side of caution and go slower and more conservative than what you are pretty sure you could feasibly get away with, thatâs good. Donât overestimate yourself, especially in the early days where itâs starting to feel awesome and liberating and like youâve conned the system: nail that feeling down: you are still only human, and true confidence means being able to accept your strengths and weaknesses, and understand that the laws of physics, odds and thermodynamics still apply to you.Â
Also, keep in mind that because weâre all fabulously diverse and different, so are our learning styles. You might be one of those people who picks up a new language in a couple of weeks with a bit of work. You might be one of those people who has watched anime for decades and still only knows a couple of Japanese words and canât pronounce them correctly. Maybe it took you an afternoon to learn how to ride a bike? Maybe you sold the bike after a month of going, âFuck this, it ainât gonna happen.â Lifting requires a set of skills that are similarly vague and often based on how someone learns/operates. It doesnât make people âborn liftersâ or âimpossible lifters,â it just means that you may need more or less time to develop and learn certain things, and there is no set âthis is how it goes.â Of course, there are always going to be a few outliers everywhere, from that person who *does* seem born to lift, and that other person who needs months to get a lipstick, (to that person who gets hundreds from Sephora and still feels like it âwasnât muchâ) but you donât need to worry about being one of them or where you âshouldâ be: think about YOU as a person and whatâs working for you.
Similarly, Iâd argue: donât compare yourself to other people! Jane Doe Lifter might have gotten into this stealing groceries because her kids were starving. She might have grown up in a way that made her hyper-aware of threats. Conversely, Annie Someone Lifter might have wanted some new shoes that she liked, and might have grown up being an A-grade student who was taught from when she was a tot that âstealing is evil,â (so she may have some âOMFG I am doing something badâ nerves to contend with that Jane has managed to set aside because necessity of her kids not starving of CPS visiting her) and hasnât noticed threats because sheâs not had threats in her immediate vicinity. NEITHER of these women are better than one another, just different. Both will have their own advantages and disadvantages. (Annie might have middleclassness on her side so she isnât immediately suspected by SAs, Jane might have been able to locate weaknesses in staffing much quicker than Annie did.) I think thatâs everything I have to say about this, but honestly, PLEASE, GUYS, relying on someone to teach you how to lift isnât a great idea, especially if you expect to learn through an online textual conversation. I hope this doesnât come across as me being mean or trying to sound like Iâm some sort of expert: Iâm really not, but I get worried when people see it as a simple gag you donât have to put much thought or effort into. Â
