Run for cover

My last update, I know I talked about an aunt and an uncle both being ill and the outlook not being great. My mind is mush, so I don't recall what else I said, so if I repeat myself, apologies.

Unfortunately, my uncle passed on May 20th. He didn't spend any of his final minutes alone, and family made sure he knew how loved he was. Yesterday, my aunt also passed with one of her daughters at her side. Both were my mom's older siblings (she's one of 9, but there's now only 5 still living including her), my aunt being her only biological sister. Mom missed being with both in their final moments but exactly five minutes. Both times. She felt guilty when my uncle pass, but when Auntie did as well she realized she wasn't meant to be there. She spent the better part of the last decade and a half being my uncle's caretaker (he was special needs), and she lived with him and my aunt who just passed. She wasn't meant to see their passing, because she was their biggest supporter in life. I truly believe it.

I digress.

Losing my uncle and now aunt has turned my brain to mush. I feel so many contradictory emotions all at once. My uncle taught me about music, instilled my love for it in me at a very early age. Hours upon hours we would play records and cassettes while he told me interesting facts about the artists or songs. He also always had the coolest pens and pencils-- the reason I began collecting them as I got older. Stickers, a candy drawer, and my extensive knowledge of classic cars all come from days spent hanging out with him while my cousins preferred watching the expansive collection of VHS movies he had for us kids.

My aunt was my third parent. My second mom. There's not a time in my life she wasn't a big part of it. She taught me so much, ignited my love for traveling, and made sure I always knew I could rely on her. Losing her doesn't hurt nearly as much as losing my dad, but it's the closest it's been since.

All that to say that I haven't been myself for two plus months thanks to everything going on with them, among other things. Auntie's passing is still very fresh. And there's other things I am still navigating. But as soon as the fog clears enough, I plan to get back on track with rp and such.

Thanks for reading if you did. I don't need words of sympathy. Instead, if you could send out a prayer or energy or whatever it is you believe in for my family-- that would be more than enough.

I was doing well on my multi getting things moving. And then my body threw a tantrum. Directly followed by my favorite uncle being hospitalized multiple times. And then my aunt-- my mom's only sister who practically helped raise me-- went into the hospital.

My uncle was born mentally handicapped, so he's never been older than young teen in his mind. He and I have always been very close as I have always been the only one of his nieces and nephews that made an effort to stay in his life for more than holidays and funerals. Yes, I got a lot of special treatment growing up, and my kids picked up where I left off.

Today my uncle died. He was surrounded by family. Things went from worrisome to 'he has days at most' so fast. I'm stuck at my house because our car isn't in good shape. I'm stressing out over how I am even going to make it to his funeral.

My aunt is still in the hospital. There was concerns she might have cancer but the results luckily came back clear. She's being treated for infection and diabetes related issues.

On top of all that, I've still got to continue on as a mom, a wife, and more. I'm feeling pretty crushed by the pressure right now, but I don't have any options at the moment.

Anyway. Life is lifing, death is deathing. I'll be back around when I can. I need to figure out how to fix my car or something. I need a lot of things I wish I could just ask for help with.

I'm still alive, but it feels like barely. Hubby and I have been sick for over two weeks, now, with the Vid. The new strain is a bitch.

Every time I am at a point where I think I can start getting to my blogs, something new comes along. Honestly, not even bad stuff. Mostly good, just busying and time-consuming. The worst of it has been flares and now this. So I am trying to keep positive, because it is nothing close to last year's crapshow.

I'll be around as soon as I can. I'm not going to give a timeline anymore, because it's pointless lmao. Bear with me; I will be back here and on Discord. Things and life are just changing a lot and it's taking time to adjust. Especially because new changes seem to come every week.