Alterous FAQ

What does alterous mean?

The original coining post has been lost to time so far as I know. According to the surviving coining post (submitted by the now deactivated user schizotypal-scully/f1shcrime, posted by arospecawarenessweek on January 18th, 2015), this is what alterous means (bolding theirs):

alterous - experiences attraction that can only be described as a desire for emotional closeness because neither romantic or platonic attraction is accurate*

is intended to be used in place of romantic or platonic. for example someone may identify as bi-alterous, poly-alterous, homo-alterous, etc.

*note: a person who IDs this way may experience varying degrees of attraction that is identifiable as romantic or platonic but ultimately feel discomfort / unease / or just a sense of inaccuracy in calling it wholly romantic or platonic 

How do I use alterous as a word?

Alterous is an adjective, meaning it is a descriptor for a noun. One is in an alterous relationship and experiences alterous feelings.

It may also be used as an orientation suffix, such as heteroalterous, homoalterous, or bialterous.

How is alterous different than queerplatonic?

The majority of this information on queerplatonic is thanks to this genealogy timeline by The Ace Theist.

Queerplatonic in the sense we know it was first referred to as "a deep (almost symbiotic in some ways) emotional connection that transcends what [the author] think[s] of as friendship" by meloukhia in the comments of a dreamwidth post on December 25th, 2010, predating alterous by about four years.

This person also posted about queerplatonic on tumblr in January 22, 2011:

Queerplatonic is a word for describing relationships where an intense emotional connection transcending what people usually think of as ‘friendship’ is present, but the relationship is not romantic in nature; people in a queerplatonic relationship may think of themselves as partners, may plan on spending their lives together, etc. The 'queer’ is a reference to the idea of queering relationships and ideas about relationships, not for describing the orientations or genders of anyone in a queerplatonic relationship. Anyone, sexual or asexual, romantic or aromantic, straight, gay, queer, bi, lesbian, poly, cis, trans, etc etc can be in a queerplatonic relationship, can have more than one such relationship, and there can be more than two people in a queerplatonic relationship; couples, triads, quads, whatever. The key feature is the idea of being deeply connected to someone, without a romantic element (though a queerplatonic relationship can be sexual).

Based on the definitions as they were originally put forth by the coiners, both alterous and queerplatonic involve intense emotional connection/closeness and attraction that is neither romantic nor platonic. The major difference is that queerplatonic places an emphasis on queering relationships and ideas about relationships, while alterous does not.

Is alterous only for LGBT+ people?

No. Nothing in the surviving alterous coining post indicates that alterous is only for LGBT+ people.

Doesn't alterous mean "between" romantic and platonic?/Doesn't alterous mean "more than" platonic but "less than" romantic?

While some people do use alterous to mean feelings that are between or a mixture of romantic and platonic, the phrasing of between and more than/less than unnecessarily create both a binary and a hierarchy between romantic and platonic feelings.

These understandings prescribe that romance is on one end of a pole, higher in value, while platonic relationships are at the other end on the bottom, of lesser value.

Alterous relationships are not halfway in the middle between these relationships, nor are alterous and platonic relationships to be valued below romantic relationships. We contend here that alterous and platonic relationships can be just as, if not more, important that romantic relationships.

Is my experience considered alterous?

Possibly! If it feels like neither romantic nor platonic fully describe your experience and experience a want for emotional closeness, then yes, that can be considered alterous!

My question isn't answered here!

Please send an ask and this FAQ will be updated with an answer.

FAQ Created on July 7th, 2025. Last updated on July 7th, 2025.

Update Log:

The same way you would tell someone you have any kind of feelings for them. Be honest. Do it for you, not for whatever hypothetical outcome you're hoping for. I would suggest that if they don't know what alterous feelings are, focus more on describing your specific experiences rather than using a label. Do you enjoy the time you spend together engaging in shared hobbies? Do you like certain aspects about their personality? Do you want to get to know them on an even deeper level? Let them know.

None that we're aware of at present, though if anyone decides to make a blog for this, we're more than happy to share it. That said, plenty of queerplatonic, sexual, romantic, and platonic writing prompts can be retrofitted to suit alterous relationships.

If you're looking for some suggestions, here's a few that we came up with:

Alterous Essay Writing Prompts

What advice would you give your younger self related to alterous relationships?

What is your most memorable alterous interaction?

Analyze your favorite ship(s) through an alterous lens.

Write about a song that gives you alterous vibes.

Write about why you identify with the alterous label.

Alterous Fiction Writing Prompts

Write a comedy focused on an alterous relationship.

In a world of soulmates, these people find love in an alterous relationship.

Their alterous relationship started because of a spilled coffee.

A college rivalry gets a little too intimate.

An old couple's advice for a happy alterous relationship.

Alterous Poetry Prompts

Write an affectionate poem to your alterous partner(s).

Define your alterous attraction using the weather.

"Roses are red, violets are blue, alterous means..."

Snapshots of fleeting alterous moments.