simplicity

Everything happens for a reason or so I’ve heard. The scars paint your skin, a mask for your past. The raw use of language, shit I just can’t get this right, but I’ll try again tomorrow and if it’s all that I am then I want to be cosmic, I want to rain like stars. You get tattoos as a reminder that pain is ugly, but it can also be beautiful. You’ll meet new lovers some day, you’ll be single for awhile and it’s not going to feel okay every single day, but if you take it one day at a time. You’ll make it. In your own little way, you’re significant.

I think we could have been great. But you are too scared to settle down and I don’t have time to play games. I keep telling myself you will see me as ‘the one that got away’ but in reality you won’t give me a second thought. And if I’m being honest with myself, you dodged a bullet.

I knew I was deeply in love with you because whenever I am walking down a busy street or in a room full of people, I would always hope that I would see your face among the crowd. With you, smiling shyly at me, that is all I ever want to see.

More “wtf are humans, please leave the rest of us be” stuff:

It’s so hard to pry my hands away from the bad things that make me feel good, from things that I know are killing me. I try to make myself care, but when the feeling arises I become a murderer, consuming whatever makes it stop. I guess I’ve become like everyone else who staggers in and out of my life, failing to love myself enough to do good, failing to not making others worry. It’s so hard and others do not see, they think it is easy to simply stop coping unhealthily, to love the filth that is called your body. But I’m dead already, so I don’t see the point in living.

I want it to be you. And I cringe at myself for saying that, for it being true. Because I was never the type to crave a long term anything at such a young age but watching you breathe with your head on my chest and our fingertips dancing, I’ve never wanted anything more.

Your mind will always be a mystery to me.” he said. “Sometimes you say words and you look far ahead like you’re thinking of something else. It’s like you’re existing in different places at the same time. And I love it. I love how mysterious you are. You know I am willing to figure you out forever.” he laughed a little and look at her adoringly. “There’s always something more about you that I want to know. And the more I dig in, the more I crave to find what’s underneath your skin. I want to find those precious diamonds within you. I want to know how beautiful your soul is.” he paused and smiled genuinely. “You caught me, in the best impossible way. And I don’t want to be free from you, again.