its strange how easily we let mean people dictate our emotions. those are the folks we should put emotional weight into the least
i have a theory though that everybody is basically playing toys. nobody knows whats going on and when somebody is mean its just them trying to make you think theyre mean. personality is very real but also very up to construction and interpretation. lately in the course of my social emboldening ive felt somewhat on the outside of the force field that everybody holds dear. most folks hold dear. as far as i see it i was born into this life and if i ever feel im not at 100% of what i want that to mean for me i remind myself how everybody is only doing whatever actions sate their state of mind at the time. when somebody sends me a weird angry mean anon i know theyre reaching out for human connection, theyre grasping out. obviously not a very harmonious connection but its all the same. and i see myself in that. it all feels like watching a play. ive been considering lately how its only our umwelt that makes it all feel so logical and serious. i try to imagine waking up with a newly human view of the world and i realize how arbitrary it all is. it feels like moving perpendicular to life. if somebody has a problem with me all i can do is what serves me about it. make amends if it matters or move on. and when somebody is weird for weird reasons its just their worldview. thats also something ive been considering. disagreement isnt that i believe in anything you dont its that i believe in what i believe. so when who i am is incompatible with somebody else, its just their problem only. i know what im doing and i like it
