Alo

Instead try

Doodle

Magnum opus

Some bullllllsshiiiittttttt (said w confidence)

some pet portraits from june!

I was at whatever place my current obsession took place in. I wouldn't even call it maladaptive daydreaming. I was there ALL the time and anytime I was at school and somebody took me out of it I'd get mean for no reason. It really made it difficult to make friends on top of me already getting bullied. Id make up scenarios in my head, always be talking to some character in my head (sometimes it would slip out loud and people would look my way), fall asleep to my imaginings. If this wasn't the case, if i couldn't come up with a new scenario about the media I'd panic. I couldn't bear living in my own skin.

Every new piece of media that i found completely short circuited my system, first with such an intense elation, that would soon turn into a toxic dependency. I'd rewatch, reread, relisten for hours on end until my brain just couldn't take it anymore. I'd cry myself to sleep often because I was here and not in my little fantasy world. I was normal towards none of my interests. They were all-consuming. I hated myself and I hated my situation. I don't even know why, my home life was nothing abnormal except the fact we were poor.

Ironically enough though, sometimes I think about those times and wish my brain were still capable of that imagination. It was good for writing fanfiction lol. My brain was always preoccupied as well. I didn't feel the need to check my phone as much because i was entertained enough by just sitting there staring up at my ceiling. Now it's just utter silence.

Did anybody else experience something like this? Just completely living through made up characters?

i had a phase a few years back where i would beg my parents to take me to a diner or wherever to eat (when i was not even hungry) just so i could take advantage of the car ride to think about different scenes (and then get extremely upset when it was declined.) i guess that was much safer than driving on my own and zoning out though. sleeping was difficult, focusing was difficult, even staying still was difficult (if you were the type to pace a lot then this probably rings true as well).

it’s definitely pretty fun for getting into new interests though; i get how much it pulls you into whatever you’re interested in at the time. it’s on constant loop in your mind, and maybe this was just me, but the characters sometimes felt deeply woven into yourself? i guess that’s expected when you think about them every hour of the day, not to mention i’ve heard it’s extremely common to project onto whatever characters or media you’re thinking about. it’s not a universal symptom but does happen, even if its subconsciously! needless to say, i have also personally improved on this throughout recent years, and it feels okay! :)

also, very glad to hear that you’ve gotten out of it! it’s definitely normal, but not a healthy thing to do, especially not in the intensity you described. it can and will steal years of your life if you’re not careful (it’s hard to pinpoint when you weren’t absorbed in your daydreams, if ever, right?)